He just gives her a coy smile. “Go ahead and get out and stretch your legs if you want, I'll start helping with your tents.”
“I think we should switch tents, I do have a husband after all.” Siphonie winks at me as she falls against my furs in the makeshift bed in my tent, practically rolling herself up in them – which it is certainly way too hot for. However, the furs are extremely comfortable.
“I'm the Princess, but also, I get the bigger tent because Thylas has to sleep in here with me. Apparently, it's protocol in case he's needed to defend me in the middle of the night.” I roll my eyes.That's exactly what I need, Thylas in my tent at night, after what happened after the festival.
The whole trip he's acted normal, at least the few times we've stopped for small breaks. Thylas has always been great at holding, and hiding, his emotions. I remember once when we were children, I watched him get into a fight with another kid in the palace. Thylas didn't win the fight, but through the whole thing and after, he refused to cry or show any emotion. The moments we shared are like raindrops, drying up as soon as the sun hits them. Beautiful and gone too quickly.
“Sleeping so soon with Thylas are we? I've heard he's amazing. Never got around to trying though. I don't think he would have, even if I would have asked.”
My eyes jolt up and the feeling of jealousy seeps into me. Why had I never asked if Siphonie had been with him? Why wouldn't she have tried? It's not that I thought he had no one, but to be with someone so close to me ... how many women have I spoken to that he has been in their bed as night came.
“No man can turn you down.” I smile at her, but it's not a smile that's genuine. My jaw actually tenses as I try to play it off lightly. “And as stated, we are sleeping in the same tent. Not the same as sleeping together.”
Her face shows confusion before she speaks up and assures, “Thylas has never once tried with me, Naxa.” She smiles at me, seeing through my fake smile. “I think it's because of you. Even the women he has been with say he's a great night but they can tell that he's not thoroughly enjoying himself. And after what I witnessed the other day, I can tell why.”
“How in the world can you not be ‘thoroughly enjoying it’? Honestly, I think sex is either, you are or aren't into it, kind of a thing.”
She smacks my arm, giggling, “Well obviously, he's into it ... but they say it's his eyes. His never meets theirs, he never trulylooks at them. I’ve heard even his kisses are shallow, and I've been with enough men to know when a man worships me or uses me. Usually, because I'm the same. I'm just using them for my relief, to hide my unhappiness. Sex was, and still is at times, how I cope.”
“What pain could Thylas possibly have? He is the Captain of the AntalianKe Neye? He could literally have any woman of any rank, he is well liked in Antalis is he not? He should marry and settle down.”
“Right, so that he could uproot them to Shaston because he always knew his path would be where you went?”
The words slap me across the face. It's my fault that Thylas has grown so closed off, and is sometimes so cold. How could he get attached to anyone when his job is to protect me? His job is to follow me, daily. Here he is having his life uprooted just as much as mine is, and yet I've not stopped to truly consider him. How can I expect him to have a wife and a life? The plans for my betrothal were made so quickly after my mother's death. Even then Thylas reminded me he would never leave me, he would be my safety.
“Don't look like that Naxa; he knew what it meant to be your guard,” she tries to console me.
“How could he? He's been my guard since he was a child. He went to training to become my guard, ever since I found him on the shore, I've controlled his life.”
The tent flap opens up and Thylas walks in, “Whose life have you controlled?” His boots are muddy from walking around camp and he shakes bits of leaves from his hair. Dirt covers his face and his clothes. He stumbles around, holding a cup full of what I'm assuming is wine or ale. I really should have had some myself tonight. Then I could have drank and gone to sleep without having to deal with him in my tent.
“Have you been ... wrestling?” I ask, unsure why else he would have leaves in his hair.
“As a matter of fact, I have. Some of the men and I were bored. We started a wrestling ring,” he chuckles, rolling his shoulders. “Siph, my apologies ifBêlRhenor is a bit sore in the morning … or now.”
Siphonie rolls her neck, exasperated, “Tell me he didn't.”
Thylas' smile broadens as he confirms, “Oh, he did.”
“Well, I have to go check on that man. Carnaxa, I'll see you tomorrow. Thy, keep our princess safe.” She kisses me on the cheek and taps Thylas’ shoulder goodbye as she leaves the tent.
The golden-hued tent seems so much smaller now than before, with his broad shoulders filling the space. Thylas ruffles his hair with his hand, pulling more sticks and leaves from it as he shuffles his feet. I suck in a breath as I recognize there is only one bed in here, covered in my furs.
“Where are you going to sleep?” I ask almost too quietly to be heard.
“I'll sleep on the floor,Nohæ. I have my bed roll. Now back to my question – whose life have you controlled?”
“No one's, don't worry about it. That was girl talk. Won't sleeping on the bedroll be uncomfortable?”
“There are more comfortable places where I would rather sleep, but as things stand right now, I don't think there is another option.” His eyes dance from the top of my head to the floor and back, and his meaning is clear. What would it be like to be with him, just once?
He walks to me, his hand lingering inches from my face before tucking a stray hair behind my ear, as he leans down. His breath still tainted with wine, brushes against the shell of my ear. “If you find yourself in any danger tonight and feel safer with me in the bed, please just let me know.” A small shiver tingles down myspine and I can imagine what his heat would feel like wrapped around me, in me.
He stands up straight, then instructs me, “Go ahead and get changed into your night clothing if you wish and I'll do the same. Want to do it like we used to at the shore? Turn our backs toward each other or do you want me to leave?”
“Just turn around.” Had I truly thought this through I would have changed while Siphonie was here, I didn't even think about this. He turns his back to me, now snickering. My cheeks heat and all of a sudden, I'm worried about what he would think of my body. Would he enjoy it? Would he find me attractive? Truly, without the clothing, without the jewelry, if I was just bare before him would he still want me? Would he want me if he knew ... No time to ponder, I have to change before he loses patience.
I quickly remove my two-piece, dark-blue gown and shimmy into the sleep slip I brought. The silky, grey material hugs my curves like an embrace. Once again, had I known I would share a tent with him I would have brought something less ... I don't know ... maybe something more. I should have thought of all this before I left. “May the tide take me,” I mumble beneath my breath, trying to calm my nerves. “Okay, you can turn back around.”
