He won't like the new deal that I struck, never giving us absolute control of Antalis, but I can’t help that. I just hope he takes the punishment out on me and not her. I think of her soft skin beneath my touch and the way she always has the right words. I shake my head, clearing the thoughts away, because right now I have to focus on what I was sent here to do.
thirteen
CARNAXA
“Your father has decided you will wed in Shaston. We will leave in a fortnight.” Thylas is on bended knee in front of me, his finger softly swiping my cheek. My heart breaks at his words and I slip off the bed and my knees collapse cracking as they hit the marbled floor. This couldn't be. Father wouldn’t agree to this. He couldn't agree to this. This has to be a trick, a cruel joke made by Thylas surely. My right to choose who I marry has already been stripped of me, surely nowmy father wouldn't take away the ceremony too. It was one of the few things that would connect me to my mother who is no longer here.
My breath comes in rigid breaths and my hands start to shake. I can hear those around me speaking and have a faint notion that Siphonie has leaned down beside me, but I can't move. Leaning further over my knees, and placing my hands over my ears I start to rock. I try to count and focus on my senses, but all I hear is, “We leave in a fortnight.” over and over in my head. I clutch at my chest. I can't breathe at all, not anymore. Trying to take short shallow breaths my head begins to feel dizzy as the room starts to shift.
Siphonie yells something, and I feel strong hands grip my shoulders, legs coming around me and pulling me into a tight broad chest. The smell of sandalwood and sage comforts me, and I know Thylas is the one holding me. His hand wraps around me, pulling me further in, and his other hand brushes the back of my head. He's whispering but the words don’t make sense. The light touch of his lips tickle my ears. He holds me tightly and the words seem familiar. It's a prayer, one he learned in his training. The same one I heard the night my mother died.
“You have to breathe, Naxa. You have to breathe.” He pulls away from me to grab my face and bring it to his. Only inches away, he pleads, “Look at me.” I keep my eyes shut, hoping that when I open them I’ll wake from this nightmare, but he tells me once again, his voice full of concern but also commanding, “Baby girl, you have to look at me.”
I open my eyes to find his deep-green eyes staring back at me, his fingers run a trail softly across my cheeks that are now tear-stained.
“I swear to you, Naxa, I will not let any harm come to you. From here on out, our past is the past, I had my reasons for keeping my distance from you – but they don’t matter anymore.You have me for this next adventure of your life. You have me for the rest of your life if you should allow it.” My breath starts slowing down and he leans in to kiss my forehead. “I promise you,Nohæ, you will not be without me.”
Siphonie sniffles behind me, reminding me that she is still in the room. She stands just behind us, a tear still slipping down her cheek as she looks our way. “That was beautiful, Thy …” – she wipes the tear from her cheek – “And I hope you know that I will expect you to keep those promises. I'll be here, full of wrath, to remind you if you don't.”
I expect her to say something about our intimate embrace or the words that were spoken. But she doesn't. She just looks at us smiling, before going to the balcony to give us privacy or so we don't see her cry as she is realizing what is happening.
I try to pick myself up off my knees and decide my legs still aren't ready for standing. I lean against the bottom of my bed as Thylas does the same beside me. He runs his hands through his hair and then down to his side to remove the sword poking him somewhere.
“What am I going to do?” I can't help but ask, not that he'll have any answers. He runs his fingers in circles across my back. Tingles spread through me.
“There is nothing you can do, besides try to make the best of what you can. It's all any of us can do.” He kisses my hairline and I lean away from him. I can’t take Thylas being so near to me, not right now. I shuffle to relax my back against the footboard of my bed, and try to calm my breathing even more.
“I don’t want this,” I openly admit, probably for the first time to someone other than myself.
His feet shuffle. “I don’t either.”
Siphonie walks back in, her face clear of tears, and sits beside us. “What else was said?”
Thylas huffs, “That you were going to be the ambassador of Antalis.”
“What?” She straightens up and looks across from me, to him and exclaims, “But I’m not the heir.”
“No, but apparently, since Carnaxa will be the Queen Consort. The King wanted you to act on behalf of Antalis. Prince Ereon said no, because you're a woman but… that’s what he wanted.”
“So who will be?” I have to know. It breaks my heart that everything I was raised for is now slipping through my fingertips. I won’t be a queen. I won’t even be an ambassador. I try to think of who else my father trusts, I understand his trust in Siphonie. She is full of life, and underneath all of that, she’s wise. She’s caring. She would have been amazing.
“Me, apparently.” He looks at me and says exasperated, “I had no say in this, and it’s not something I would choose. And I have the option to pass it on at any time or upon my death, it goes to you, Siphonie. I’ll be happy to pass it on before then though, after things settle with Shaston.” He smiles weakly. “Hey Siph, the King said you and Rhenor will be coming with us too.”
“Thylas is an ambassador, Naxa is going to be a queen, and I’m getting to see a new kingdom and have a baby.” Siphonie laughs, “Who would have thought, all these lunar years later we would still find ourselves sitting on the floor planning a new adventure. It seems we are all preparing for one these days.”
Ten Lunar Years Ago
“That's not fair, Thylas, you always get to choose what we do, and every time it gets us in trouble,” Siphonie screams at him. Why is she screaming? Probably because it wasn't her idea.
Thylas is in his fourteenth lunar year and our time with him is slipping away. Soon he will start training as a soldier and guard, and it will be just me and Siphonie to go on our adventures.
“Yes because your ‘adventure’ included running to the kitchens to steal extra pastries. We've already done that and this time I want to go on a real adventure,” he retorts, sitting beside me on the floor with our backs against the bed. “I have to get ready to become a guard. I want to become Captain of the Ke Neye, so I need practice!”
“He's right, Siph. We've already gone on your adventure. It's Thylas' turn now.”
“You always take his side, Naxa!” She sticks her tongue out at me and humphs, crossing her arms across her chest. “I’m your cousin! You are supposed to be on my side.”
He smiles down at me. “But, she's my savior,” – he winks at me and I feel myself blush – “that trumps cousin.”
