“I have no more choice in this than you, not really. I'm sure your father will give you the final say with regard to whom you want to accompany you, so if you choose not to bring me …” There it is again, that look of brief sadness that flickers through his eyes. “If you choose not to bring me, I am sure you could tell him and he would oblige.”
“I want you to have a choice. I want you to have something I don't have, Thylas. I want you to be able to stay in our home, find a woman and carry on in your life if that is what you choose. I don't want you to feel like you have to because of our past. I don't know why you haven't asked for a position change already.”
His feet shuffle as he pushes up from the door. The space between us feels so much smaller as he steps near me. He reaches out, but quickly puts his hand back down at his side. “Why would I want that?”
“So you could be free of me, it's not like you care in the same way you did before my mother died. You signed up to be my personal guard years ago when you were young, but things change and there are many who would probably be less infuriating for you. This is your home, you shouldn’t have to leave it. So I'll talk to Father if you want.”
His mouth opens and shuts, reminding me of fish in the ocean. Shaking his head subtly as if deciding whether or not tosay anything. He turns and pulls the door toward him. Halfway through the door he stops and glances back.
“Naxa, I don't want to be free from you. My home has never truly been Antalis. I pledged my loyalty to you, and it's you I will follow. You are my home, not the sands or seas of any kingdom.” Then he walks out the door, shutting it quickly. I hear the scrapping of his boots as he stands guard at my door.
Siphonie stands in a pale-blue dress against her balcony window, the sunlight illuminates her faint-pink hair and it appears to be glowing.
“Oh, Naxa ... I wish I could go with you to Shaston. I am so bored with Antalis,” she laments, as she plays idly with a strand of her hair. “It would be an adventure, even if it is a bit scary.”
Siphonie is the closest person I will ever have to a sister. She thrives on the unknown and I'm happy to stay with routine and tradition. She proudly wears her carnality on her sleeve and I shy away from the fact that I've not yet been with anyone.
“Ilis, from the market, said that it's so hot in Shaston that water evaporates before it touches the ground. Can you imagine? It's hot here, admittedly, but a place so hot to be without the Goddess' presence, I would happily stay in Antalis for all my life. Hopefully, find my drop and have kids. Antalis is my kingdom and home.”
She laughs. “I keep thinking that maybe my drop is out there, but as time passes ... I'm still stuck in the same boring life.”
"Your life isn't that boring. Rhenor accepts you for who you are. For all that you are. He waited for you to initiate anything between the two of you, even after you two were wed. He also knows what it is like to have a twin drop, if you found yours ... Iknow he would let you embrace it. Are you sure you aren’t just denying a bond? I know he loves you. I can see it.”
Like my upcoming marriage, my father also arranged Siphonie’s. When her father, my Uncle Seliun, perished due to an unfortunate incident of being thrown off his horse during a festival, she was left alone. Her mother was previously killed by a jealous lover whom she rejected when she found Seliun. My aunt’s murderer was caught and banished from Antalis the same year my mother died, the year my father's rule decided our fates. The year he made many decisions, for many of us, that we can't go back on now. Siphonie and Rhenor's marriage was one of those decisions.
She flicks her hair over her shoulder. “I don’t think I am. Who’s to say? But maybe you're right. So what else did old Illias have to say about Shaston?”
“Not much, honestly. She did mention that somewhere in the north of Shaston, it’s so cold, there are ice covered mountains. How odd for a kingdom to have both – extreme cold and extreme heat.”
I chuckle and roll onto my stomach, stuffing a pillow underneath my head and gazing at her. “I'll have to ask Ereon the next time I am graced with his presence, surely he'll have more details on how to survive the extremities of both. Maybe some of the stories and rumors of Shaston and the war are true.”
The war is a time that isn't spoken about much anymore, the stories are conflicting and confusing. Lots of rumors have circulated since no one is alive that can tell the truth from fiction. One story will tell you the war was a fight simply because new land emerged - presently Shaston. Others say it was a war for the Goddess' heart. The Goddess' priestesses, who mostly congregate in Midaeliea where the scholars are as well, tells the story of both. The other being, the Goddess fell in love and it ended cruelly so she banished those who were against her andthey were unhappy about it. From what my father told me, the stories change in the scrolls every few lunar years and the oldest ones aren't to be found anymore. Lost to time, like many moments from history.
“I have something I need to tell you, Carnaxa.” The sudden change in Siphonie’s tone catches me off guard, and I gaze back at her. Her face is paler than usual, she has worry lines across her face. She smiles but there is a hint of sadness behind her eyes. She fiddles with the bangles on her left arm, the clinking the only thing breaking the silence between us.
“You aren't sick right, Siph? Please, Goddess. Tell me you haven't had any symptoms of the deluc,” I blurt out as I start looking at her eyes, for the circles that always form. The whites of her eyes don't show any blood streaks, the tell-tale signs that come with the deluc.
“No, no. It's not the deluc.” She walks toward her bed with white silk sheets and sits beside me, the bed sinking beneath her. She grabs my hand between her own, breathing deeply before she begins, “I'm pregnant.”
I sit up immediately, wrapping my arms around her in a hug so full of relief, I know she must have a hard time breathing. “Siphonie, you had me worried! That's fantastic news!” I exclaim, squeezing her tight, but she doesn't return it. Her shoulders are stooped and her bottom lip trembles as if she’s holding in tears. I sit back again, keeping my arms on her shoulders. “Why is this bad? I don't understand.”
“I don't know who the father is. It could be the sailor's or Rhenor's.”
Therein lies the issue. Rhenor may accept her choice of having multiple lovers, but that doesn't mean he'll accept a child, one that may not be his. This is what the tonic is for. The priestess brings it to the castle so it is readily available.
“I thought you always used the tonic to prevent pregnancy?”
“I do ... I did ... for all of them, including Rhenor. But, I might have forgotten a few times.”
"So he doesn't know? How many times did you forget?”
She shakes her head and a tear slips down her cheek. “I ... I don’t know. I don't feel bad for seeing others. Rhenor is fully aware that I do. He knows he wasn't my first choice, but I don't want him to hate me because this child may not be his. I don't want him to hate the child either. I just ... forgot for a month. That's all. One month.”
One month, with two lovers. It could be either man’s. The fisherman she was with on the docks or her husband. Children are rarely seen as anything but a blessing in Antalis, but as always, there are exceptions to the rule.
“Turn around, I'm going to braid your hair, and we'll pray to the Great Goddess.” She turns and I let the strands flow in, and between, my fingers as I braid her hair that reaches past her thighs. She sings a song of prayer in the ancient language of Antihana, the language when there was but one kingdom. The language that theKe Neyeuse to tattoo their oaths to their skin, only the highest among them actually learn from priestesses and scholars in Midaeliea. As royalty, we are required to learn the prayers and songs in the Antihana language.
The marriage she has with Rhenor is everlasting. The shells are set on each of their breastbones, at the top of their sternums, embedded and shimmering forever ... but that doesn't mean Rhenor won’t hate her. He never had children with his first wife. She was haunted by the voices in her head and walked into the sea early, blessed by the Goddess even though her blood wasn’t Antalian. Rhenor tells my father, as much as it pains him – he is happy to know she is with the Goddess and safe again.
