I didn’t like the small talk.
We weren’t close, never had been. I think he thought we were though because we were closer in age than most uncles and nephews. But he was in with my father, and anyone that associated themselves with that human waste, I didn’t let close to me.
The pipes that sit behind the cheap cladding creak and clunk when the shower inside is turned on.
“Will it?” I take a deep, hopeful drag, turning my head and levelling my eyes to my uncles, exhaling a lungful into his face. “Good.”
The smoke knocks him backward, he tries pushing it away, his dark hair loosening from the gel he’d used to hold it off his face. He shoves the crunchy strands from his eyes, extends his black denim covered legs outward and crosses them at the ankles.
“Is it all for show?” he asks when the smoke dissipates.
I throw the cigarette down, squashing it beneath the heel of my Vans.
“What?” I retort with a laugh.
He angles his stubbled jaw upward, his wrist hanging over the top of his knee as he flicks a finger up and down the length of me, following the line of his hazel gaze.
“This whole tough guy act?”
I laugh again, louder this time, placing my elbows on my knees and shaking my head. “Yeah, alright, let’s go with that then, Unc.”
The pipes to the side of us fall silent, and Jade, my mother, and Kristen skitter through the back door, making to join us.
My mother takes a seat next to me, while Jade and Kristen stand in front of us, a can of Coke in their hands, quickly picking up a conversation with Nick.
Kristen diverts her eyes toward me, her cheeks blushing pink. I try not to laugh, looking away, dropping my arm over my mother’s fragile shoulders, pulling her closer.
And it’s then that I feel a violent shiver extend from her, to me, slicing up my spine.
“You okay?” I whisper, and she places her hand on my knee. Her long, thin, fingers squeezing, signaling that she heard me.
And I palm my jaw, wondering—not for the first time—if money wasn’t an issue would she have left years ago? Afterthatnight?
Jade’s voice booms, Kristen and Uncle Nick both laughing with her, and I find myself dropping my mouth to my mother’s ear, breathing, “I will fucking kill him one day.”
The back door slams and everyone looks over their shoulders, except me. I keep a firm hold on my mother when something cold touches my elbow. And out of the corner of my eye, green glass catches in the shallow sun, glittering at my side. It was the bullshit offering I knew was coming, and I wanted to shove it down his throat, but tonight, I took it, only forher.
I crack the lid on the beer, and when I push it to my lips I let the alcohol bubble to the surface, pretending to take a pull.
The dusting of gray clouds in the distance have turned darker, the promise of a storm on the horizon, and I don’t notice that Jade has slipped back inside until she reappears with a cotton tote bag at her side. It bulges off her petite frame, filled with clothes and whatever other shit girls pack when they plan to leave home for more than a few days.
“Can you take me to Laik’s?” she asks me, bending at the waist, already pressing a kiss to Mom’s cheek, whispering her goodbye.
“Yeah,” I tell her, but I haven't moved yet. I turn to speak to Mom, but she stops me with another squeeze at the knee. And I knew it was her way of offering me quiet reassurance that she would be okay, even though we both knew she wouldn’t be.
It heats me, wrings me out, because we’d been here before. I’d tried to stay, tried to keep her safe, and she’d told me that my insistence on protecting her only made things worse. And that bothered me, because you see, it put me between a rock and a hard place, a choice she’d already made.
So, I place a kiss on my mother’s temple, then another to her forehead, whispering toherthe only protection that she’d accept from me, hoping that tomorrow, I’d have another chance to do it all again. “Call me if you need me.” Then, I shove up from the concrete.
I don’t look at my father. I make toward the side gate, Jade trailing eagerly behind me, and when we come around the edge of the one-story mustard-colored house, I feel a jab at my ribs. Peering to my side, I watch a familiar spark of mischief light in Jade’s blue eyes.
“Bryce is throwing a party tonight, out at his house in the woods, up Devil’s Peak mountain.” She grins, sing-songing her words.
And I clench my fists, then rub my temples, trying to ward off the headache her words bring.
“What the fuck are you doing going to one of his parties?”
It’s not Bryce I have a problem with. We’ve always got on well. The problem I have is that he’s one of those guys that’s friends with everybody, including the trash.
