And I don’t realize I’ve shifted my eyes to the rearview mirror until I find Chase’s already there, on me.
He smirks and mouths,“Liar.”
The speed of his truck picks up again, Chase’s foot pushing on the accelerator and when a sharp turn approaches, he doesn’t slow down, instead, he flicks his headlights off and takes it in the dark, eyes transfixed on me.
Jade’s scream is piercing, yet my silence screams louder.
My best friend’s brother knew I liked it.
The road glows when Chase flicks his headlights back on and takes a swift turn onto an off road. Jade is reaching over and clipping him on the ear again. She is berating him, and yet, Ican’t hear anything, lost to the adrenaline of being young and stupid…free.
I stare out the window, watching more roads pass by. There wasn’t a shortage, and they were all littered with sharp curves and turns. It seemed to me that it could be an easy place to disappear.
The smell of weed hits my nose, and I notice Harlen sitting in the passenger seat pulling on a blunt.
I tap his shoulder and when he spins to look at me, I jerk my chin.
“You sure?” He raises his eyebrows in question. “You ever done this shit before?”
I nod and lift my chin higher. We both know it’s a lie.
Harlen passes the blazing blunt over, and I take it, pushing it to my lips.
I hit it hard.
The racing behind my ribcage slows, the jabs at my heart weakening. I feel lighter and brighter as the sweet taste drifts through my lungs. And for a moment, I wished Mom had stuck to something like this, something that didn’t fuck you up completely.
“Gimme,” Jade urges, tapping my arm. I sink back into my seat and exhale into the space above me, eyes screwed closed.
“Off With Her Head” by Icon For Hire pulls through the speakers and Jade’s excitement has me laughing out of my clouded stupor when she shouts, “Oh, turn it up.”
She’s singing and it’s kind of painful and I kind of want to scratch my ears off. She wasn’t privileged with a set of lungs like her brother's, but she was having fun and that’s what mattered. A smile stretches the corner of my lips, extending across my cheeks as I watch my best friend lose herself to the music, and when the chorus hits, when she slaps me, squeezing into the flesh of my thigh, I know it’s all downhill from here.
“Sing with me,” she demands.
My heart thuds, nerves billowing in my chest, and I don’t know what has me glancing toward that same rearview mirror, but I catch Chase’s steely gaze.
I hadn’t sung for anyone before, aside from Jade. It was something I kept private and never wanted to share. But anyone that can sing, knows that forcing yourself to sing badly, when you don’t, is an impossible mission.
“Come on!” She encourages me, and I kind of want to slap her.
I wasn't sure I was ready to give this side of myself away yet, but when I see how much fun Jade is having, not wanting to be the dampener, I slide my fingers between my best friends, close my eyes and join her.
But my eyes pop open almost instantly when I hear Chase’s voice hit mine. It’s dark and deep and ragged and I reach for his gaze the way I always have. I feel my voice fading away, quieting and softening, and he nods his head incessantly, urging me to continue, to not let go, to surrender to the music,to him,to let him lead the way.
An elbow to my side pulls me away. Jade is grinning, her eyes glistening.
Chase screams the last note as I belt it, and then softly, our voices disintegrate around the cabin, disappearing like what just happened between us didn’t really happen, a figment of my imagination.
“Wow,” Jade whispers.
Harlen scoffs in a laugh, “Wow, alright. What the fuck was that, Laik?”
I swallow a lump of emotion, any coherent words congealing in the base of my throat. I shrug, but I’m still watching Chase.
I had no idea.
The indicator ticks. I take my eyes away, stare at a beaded line of bright dotted lights embedded at the edge of a dark slate-gray driveway, a guide toward a massive modern house tucked into the thick of the woods.
