He was supposed to let me go.
He was supposed to drive away.
Becausethat…is exactly what I’d come to expect of him.
Because Chase…didn’t chase.
“What can I get you, Chase?” Nan asks, peering into the cupboard. “I’ve got herbal tea, coffee, hot chocolate, juice, water…” She pops out of the opening, straightening her groaning limbs, turning toward him and now offering, “Lemonade?”
She’s got two delicate floral mugs looped at her fingers, one for me, the other for her. She fumbles the chai tea bags,unpicking each string before dropping them in, and adding a teaspoon of local honey to each. Chase jerks his chin toward them, “I’ll take the same, thanks.”
Nan curls back over, bending at the waist, pulling out a third mug from the cupboard. This one is shaped like a bubble with yellow and orange stripes. She places it on the bench with a small clunk, dropping in another tea bag and filling each with piping hot water from the whistling kettle beside her.
I keep my head down. I don’t look in Chase’s direction. Nan places the cup in front of me, and the other in front of Chase. She’s settling into the seat beside him when I take my first sip, hearing her say, “Thanks for taking care of Laiken these past couple of days, Chase. She has really needed you…”
I reach toward her, placing my hand over hers and squeezing it lightly. She pauses. Recognition flickers in her matching green eyes and she swallows, nodding stiffly.
Chase clears his throat, catching onto the exchange the way I knew he would.
Silence swells, until I look at him.
Until he knows he has my full attention.
He wets his lips, his eyes pinned on mine. “I needed her, too,” he admits, his deep brown eyes dropping to my lips and back again.
It felt like Chase had reached into my chest and twisted my heart. I allow a minute to pass, mostly to catch my breath, then I screech the chair back, standing to my feet. My bones rattle, threatening to crumble.
Chase doesn’t move from the chair although his eyes rise to meet mine.
“You okay, sweetie?” Nan asks, concern is a distorted picture across her lined face.
I close my hand around hers, forcing a smile to my lips. “Yeah, I just need to use the bathroom.” I squeeze her palmagain, then start toward the door, feeling the small room rush in on me.
But instead of taking the hall, I push through the front door, walking toward the porch swing that rocks with a gentle breeze.
It creaks when I fall into it, curling myself around my knees, frustrated that he's here, that he couldn’t just leave. But I knew what I was feeling was all bullshit. I’d wanted him here for years.
It was what he said that angered me, along with the hold he still had on me.
It takes ten minutes to settle the tension inside my chest, to catch my breath, to walk back inside. And when I do, I see Chase standing beside the sink, dish towel in hand, polishing the mug Nan had just finished washing.
I reach across the table, draining the cold liquid from the mug I’d left behind and place it down with a thunk.
Nan spins at the sound, at the same time Chase rests his weight against the bench, throwing down the towel at his side. He curls his large veiny hands around the cream Formica top, then he jerks his stubbled chin at me.
His tongue touches his top teeth. “You good, Laik?”
His question holds a challenge, an opportunity to explode, and I do my best not to shiver in its wake.
“Better,” I retort, and he nods.
Chase reaches for the towel and dries his hands, and I try not to watch the way his biceps flex with the movement, his veins popping in his forearms.
He says, “I was just telling Nan that I’m going to take you home, make sure your place is all good…safe, you know?”
I cross my arms at my chest, fury bubbling up like a volcano. “Is that right?”
If Nan picks up on anything, she doesn’t show it, instead polishing away the droplets that have landed at the edge of thesink, avoiding the dreaded water stains that I know drive her batty.
