“I think it makes him feel closer to her, you know, like she’s not really gone.” I shake my head as Harlen continues to speak, “I couldn’t do it though, fuck, there’s no way.”
“What do you mean?” I ask curiously, my brows turning in at his truth.
He is still staring ahead when he jerks his chin toward the tunnel of despair, swallowing roughly again. “Sit among my storm.”
His words make me shiver. “Same.”
Harlen reaches toward me and sinks his fingers into my shoulder, then down my arm, and I unintentionally flinch when his fingers graze the raised scar.
“Fuck, sorry,” he counters, jerking his hand back like he’d just scorched it on a pile of smoldering coals.
“You're good,” I assure him. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s just…something I can’t seem to shake.”
Harlen clasps onto the steering wheel, his knuckles blanching around the broken leather. He turns toward me, resting the square of his chin on his bicep. “What did it feel like…” he pauses, testing the waters before deciding to dive right in. “When you were shot?”
I drop my chin to my chest, picking at a sharp nail on my pointer finger. “Honestly, first, all I felt was terror…” I look up, meeting the sharp blue of Harlen’s irises. “The pain came later.” A tear rolls down my cheek and I look away. “Jade was so brave, Harlen. She was so fucking brave,” I whimper.
Harlen dips his chin, snorting back his emotions. “So were you, Laik,” he breathes.
I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, placing my palms to my eyes and wiping away my tepid tears, feeling an immense amount of relief for choosing to bypass any kind of makeup today. I turn to Harlen and manage a short breath, resting my cheek on my closed fists. “Thanks for not leaving me.” I smile sadly.
Harlen nods but I can see him sucking on his teeth, biting back the words at his tongue, shifting his gaze.
“You can say it,” I tell him.
Harlen drags his hands back through his curls, picks at a loose thread at the bottom of his shirt, fidgeting with almost anything in sight.
“Please,” I beg, and Harlen coughs, glancing out the side window, toward Chase’s red truck.
When he drops his gaze to the footwell, he speaks, “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, Laik, but Chase did what he could in that moment, his best, you know. It was better for everyone that way.”
“How can you say that when you aren’t the one that…”
Harlen clears his throat, and I stop talking, just as he begins, “I’m not saying any of it was fair. I’m just saying he did his best, don’t castrate him over it.”
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, tearing my eyes away, feeling his words burn through me.
“I really hate you for saying that.”
Harlen bypasses my truth, not acknowledging what I had just said because he knows damn well that I could never hate him. “How much doeshemean to you, Laik? And don’t dick me around, tell me the truth.”
I don’t reply, instead biting into my lip until I’m sipping on blood.
Harlen turns in his seat, raising his light brows in question. “You love him, don’t you? Always have,” he speaks his words like a statement, and I hate him so much for that. Only, what I hate most is that he sees through me, right into the center of my tarnished core.
I stay quiet until he speaks again.
“Think about why he was at that diner, why he was there the minute that guy blew his head off.” Harlen pauses and sucks back a breath and I’m unsure he’s going to speak again, until he does, “Just because you couldn’t see him, doesn’t mean he wasn’t watching.”
“What are you trying to say?” I ask in denial, choking back tears.
Harlen shrugs. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”
I let out a humorless laugh, brushing away the solo tear that drips off my chin. “No way.”
“Suit yourself, then.” Harlen kicks the engine, shifting the stick into reverse at the same time my hand wraps around his, squeezing tightly.
He pauses and waits for me to speak.
