Chase raps his knuckles against the wood. “Goodnight, Laik.”
I spin around at the same time he starts out the door. “Ch-ch-chase…” I stutter.
Chase pauses, dragging one side of his long hair away from his face, turning to look at me.
I take a step toward him, then another. Exhaustion pulls at my bones and tears sting the back of my eyes.
I wanted to wait until tomorrow, but I knew after our conversation on the deck tonight that what I had to say couldn’t wait.
Tension clumps in my chest when I stand still, curling my arms around my waist and sinking my fingers into my ribs.
“What you did to me…” I wait a beat and I don’t miss the way Chase’s throat dips with recognition. His jaw tenses. He grinds down on his molars. He doesn’t peel his eyes away from mine though, giving me his undivided attention. “Did you ever think about what that would do to me? How losing my best friend, my mother, and the guy I…” I shake my head, dropping my chin and furrowing my brow, squeezing my eyes closed—knowing I’d accidentally said too much. “Actually, forget I…”
I’m shoving my hair away from my face when Chase closes the space between us.
His calloused fingers wrap around my chin, pinching at the bone as he tilts it toward him.
“Look at me when you say it, Laik.”
I shake my head, and he grabs me tighter.
Then, I snap my eyes open, meeting the dark brown of his as they gleam over me.
Grief traces the line of fury down the ladder of my spine, and yet I couldn’t sound more broken. “I was so fucking scared, and you left me. Do you know how many times over the past three years I was ready to do what my father did? What my mother did? How many times I cried helplessly against the barrel in my mouth? Do you know how many times I just wanted to end the?—”
Chase drops his chin to his chest, shaking his head, squeezing his eyes as though every word I’m saying is more painful than the last. “Stop.”
I don’t.
“I wish I was as strong astheywere. I wish I could have been strong enough to pull the trigger…” I pause, a tear rolling down my cheek. “But every goddamn time I couldn’t.” A sob tears through me. “You wanna know why?”
When Chase doesn’t reply, when he keeps his eyes drilled onto the floor, I step into him, my chest pushing against his.
“Look at me, you fucking coward,” I whisper through my teeth, voice trembling with every word.
Chase raises his chin and our lips brush on the movement. He keeps them there, resting on mine like a ghost.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks in streams.
He reaches out in an effort to brush them away, but I jerk my head back.
“You wanna know why?” I repeat, staring into his eyes, pausing only for a moment. “Because I couldn’t stop seeing you.”
My words tasted like defeat.
Chase’s hands are on my cheeks even though I try to fight them off; his forehead pushes hard into mine, his breath ghosting over my trembling lips.
“Laiken,” he rasps, his voice cracking.
My chest falls heavy against his as I chase air back into my lungs. “You fucked me up, Chase Keller,” I repeat what I had said to him in the car earlier, swallowing past the lump in my throat. I grip the T-shirt at his obliques only to steady myself, closing my eyes when I breathe, “You fucked me so hard I had no way of removing you.”
A slam of a door across the hall has both of us shrinking away from each other. My breath falls so heavy, it feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest, and when I chance a glance back at Chase, I see his is doing much the same.
Harlen steps up to the open door, jerking his chin in the air. “Whiskey?” he asks, holding the bottle of Jack Daniels above his head in offering.
The sight of it makes me want to vomit.
I push the back of my hand to my mouth when my stomach swirls.
