His phone is clasped between his split, bleeding knuckles, the screen glowing among the shallow light of the gym as we stand staring at each other.
Ripples of muscle take up residence across Harlen’s shirtless abdomen, along with rivulets of beaded sweat glistening off his golden skin.
He is beautiful, in every disgusting, impossible, perfect way.
“Feel Me Now” by If Not For Me hammers its way through the thick walls, and I find myself shivering with the beat.
The weight of my body presses against the large door frame. It holds me in place, the only force stopping me from falling to my knees. Harlen’s fingers crawl under the waistband of his light gray joggers where he adjusts them on his hips, forcing the full exposure of the fierce angular lines that cut beneath.
I swallow the sudden knot in my throat, the fingers at my tricep digging their way beneath my skin as I suck on the inside of my cheek, squeezing my thighs together. The side of my face connects with the wall, my cheek cooling against the surface, though the heat that pursues through me is everything fiery.
I need him, and I think he knows it.
I don’t try to hide it.
Or mask it.
For once, I am choosing not to lie to myself.
For once,I am choosing me.
I need Harlen more than I need the thick air in my lungs; it’s that simple.
No more than two subtle beats pass before Harlen is throwing his phone down, a thunk meeting the weight of his device before he’s taking long, determined strides toward me. His muscles flex across his entire abdomen as he closes the forced space between us. When he’s only a few feet in front of me, I push off the wall and step forward, meeting him where he needs me.
Then,I jump…right into his open arms.
An instant coil of warmth wraps around my waist. It wrenches me into him with fierce determination. And my legs follow, finding their knowing place at his hips.
Harlen takes two steps forward before my spine connects with the mirrored wall behind me. I gasp, then swallow the sound.
We don’t speak.
And truthfully, I can barely breathe.
I’m a rigid mess of shallow guilt.
I should have given him a chance to speak the night I saw him at my club,yet I was so riddled with hatred that I couldn’t do anything but say my piece and cut him off before he had the opportunity to hurt me again.
Hurt people,hurt people… It’s what we do.
I tilt my head backward, my lungs squeezing together, limbs tingling with overwhelm. Bursts of white light blink across the surface of my eyes, and before I lose myself completely, Harlen’s calloused hand is at my throat, his thumb directing my chin downwards, onto him.
My forehead pushes against his in desperation, the tips of our noses brushing, our lips only a breath away. As my chest rises and falls rapidly, I chase the fast-evaporating air back into my lungs.
I can feel a panic attack lingering.This is all too much.
Harlen’s thumb finds a place at my bottom lip. “Look into my eyes,” he whispers, and I lick my quivering lips, delicately flicking his at the same time. Harlen’s eyes close, and his groan is quiet as it rumbles in his throat. The sound has tingles of desire flittering over each of my limbs, and I lift my eyes from his mouth, finding my way beneath two frosted blues.
He exhales his breath right into my lungs, giving me the life I need to keep going. “Breathe for me, Blaine.”
My scalp erupts in goosebumps when he uses my full name, my real name, and his smile is slight when our chests fall into rhythm together.
“That’s it, I’ve got you,” he says, and I find myself trying even harder to stay right here with him.
I close my eyes and push my forehead harder against his, and Harlen meets me with the same force. The warm cloud of our heated breaths ghosts over the other’s lips as I try my best to pull him in closer, my legs holding on to him like he might be my very own anchor.
I don’t want to sink again.
