My thumbs drift over Cherry’s lightly speckled freckles, and I hold her cheekbones that bit tighter when she clasps her hands around both of my wrists, closing her eyes. I brush my nose over hers, so lightly, like a feather, barely there before it’s gone.
That dull ache I had pushed away rises to the surface of my chest when I breathe my words over her full lips. “I didn’t save you just to kill you.”
She swallows. It’s strained, and it’s like I can feel it, the large boulders around her working their way down.
And even though everyone is watching, I continue to talk, my intention for what I have to say never quelling. I clear my throat before tracing my right thumb over her cupid's bow and across her bottom lip. She lets me.Fuck, she’s beautiful.
“I came back for you, Cherry.” A tear rolls down her cheek, but I catch it with my thumb when it bridges her top lip. Her big blue eyes flick to mine, and I push my forehead against hers gently.
I just want to keep her, but I find myself reluctantly stepping away, fighting with myself to let go.
This is torture. So, why the fuck am I doing it?
I slip my hands into the front pockets of my jeans before clearing my throat. “Killing myself by leaving you was never the end game.”
Then, I walk away, not turning around when I hear her whimper breathlessly behind me.
Iwanted to run.
Right after him.
“Killing myself by leaving you was never the end game.”
I had so many questions, but my internal screams were serrated blades tearing me to pieces, and I was the only one who could feel them.
The steel door crashes against the concrete wall from the force of Harlen’s hand when he rips it open, and a flock of birds scurry off into the distance. Then his voice echoes through the tunnel. It’s guttural when he screams, “Fuck!”
Silence descends.
It was blistering cold, and I think everyone could feel it because no one moved. This wasn’t the Harlen everyone knew. He was the playful one, the one who turned the darkness to gray, then to light. It was like time was standing still.
The heightened beat of my heart punches through the nerves in my teeth as I clench them to the point I think they might crack.
I turn over my shoulder and seek out my best friend, the person who just punched his best friend for me,for the truth Ibelieved.He trusted me, my words, my story, never once asking for Harlen’s.
He chose me.
It was all I had ever wanted.
To have someone stand with me.
So, why did it feel so wrong? So unfair? So fucking selfish?
I start to shake violently. My legs almost give way, then I just fall.
My bare knees meet the gravel beneath me, but only for a short moment before I’m wrenched upward and dragged into Tyler’s warm chest. He’s heaving through deep pants, and I know he’s feeling it too, the destruction of my actions.
Looking up desperately at Ty, I cry, “I’m so fucking sorry, Ty. I didn’t know. You have to believe me, I didn’t know.”
I repeat those three words over and over and over again.
A carousel of guilt.
A deathly road of despair.
This is all my fault.
The same way my parents’ death was.
