I’m looking at Cam and Ty when I ask, “Do you know what happened to that abandoned warehouse you guys used to go to way back when we were at performing arts school?” I lean forward, throwing the empty carton of food down on the table. “When I was leaving Shadow Heads all those months ago, I saw it burned down into a smoldering mess.”
Ty lifts his dark gaze to Cameryn, and Cameryn just grins, flicking the blunt with her tongue.
Well, fuck.
One Week Later
The sun sears my corneas as it shines its rays right over the festival's stage. I’m sweating bullets, my loose white tank almost see-through as my fingers tangle with my strings.
The crowd’s loud today, only spurring me and the boys on more. There’s nothing quite comparable to the moment our fans scream our songs back at us, giving their entire souls over to the music, the macabre melody. Chase’s haunting voice, gut-wrenching lyrics, and agonizing screams compounded into an out-of-body experience.You just had to surrender.
The peppery smell of lingering smoke from the pyrotechnics filters through my nose as the heated flames dance with the vibrations of my bass. I flex my left hand at the neck of my guitar as my fingers spasm and twitch. I don’t want to say it’s because of how I reacted when I found out Cherry had skipped town, but since that day, my hand mocks me, cramping a little more often. I guess that’s what I get for punching a wall.
I couldn’t play my guitar comfortably for a good three months. Cameryn tracked in for me more than a handful of times in the studio when it was too inflamed; however, whenit came to shows, I snorted back a few too many lines of coke to numb the pain, giving myself no other option but to fucking bleed. I would have felt like a wimp if I hadn’t, because that’s exactly what Chase did, every damn time his mouth flirted with his microphone. And his internal wounds were so much fucking deeper than the throbbing I dealt with at my knuckles.
I didn’t handle the message well, the clipped note she left for me. Because you see, I knew that her written words reeked of a disgusting truth, one I had validated by leaving.
I had done everything I didn’t want to do to make sure that what had happened to her didn’t fall into shark-infested waters, and ultimately, bleed out.
Because it would have.
Her trauma would have been on display for everyone…everywhere. And I just wasn’t okay with that, even if at that moment what I had to do was one of the hardest goddamn things I’ve done in my twenty-five years.
I’ve always felt an immense amount of appreciation for my father. He’s a great fucking human, but that day, it grew in a way I hadn’t even thought possible. He knew the decision I had to make to keep Cherry safe wouldn't be easy, so he made it for me.
I’m grateful every day that Rusty had shoved me away. I’m glad in that moment that he was thinking with his head and not his heart, because I couldn’t see anything but the girl who had infiltrated all my thoughts, lying on that timber pier quite simply grasping onto the clutches of her life.
And the truth is, even if I could go back and retrace my steps that night, I wouldn’t change a thing. Even if that meant losing her for good.
Cherry deserved peace. She had been through too much, lost more than she ever should have, and survived the talons of evil. She was a fighter, and I always knew it. I could fucking feel her vengeful flames the moment I met her.
So, I did what I did because I knew she would be okay.
I walked awayfor her.
For her privacy.
For her peace.
However, it was only meant to be until the storm had passed.
I had every intention of returning. I was going to tell her everything, how I pulled her out of the water,and why I had to leave.But she saw me, and the lasting image of my back to her was confirmation of the betrayal she had believed was coming for her the day we met. The lingering omen she desperately wanted to avoid, the bone-deep ache she tried her best to subdue. I brought it all to the surface when I turned my back on her.
Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I’d had the chance to return to her, but she had vanished.
I think about her often, wondering what she is doing with herself, if she has met someone, if she is happy. Only, when I have these thoughts, I quickly shove them away.
I’ve accepted that Cherry came into my life when she did for a reason. While I helped her find a speckle of peace, for that short while, she helped me do the same. I was always running, blocking out any type of emotion, and her presence had allowed me to feel safe enough to just simply be.
Without limitations.
And for that, I’m eternally thankful.
I just wish I could have been there for her when she needed me the most. I wish things could have been different. I wish my career wasn’t what had me making decisions I didn’t want to make. I wish she had waited for me to come back.
I’m learning wishes are hopeless, pointless advances that have no loyalty to me.
I flick my head backward, dragging my hand through the mass of sweaty golden curls and pulling them off my face as Imove toward the back of the stage, snatching up my bottle of water. Chase plays with the crowd; like he always does.
