They tried so hard to get rid of me.
A shiver carves its way along every limb as I run my pointer finger delicately over the vile mess, and I don’t realize I’m chewing on the inside of my cheek until a flush of metal fills my mouth.
Flashbacks are like lightning when they erupt across my vision in powerful volts. The smell of the hessian bag, the sound of clinking barbed wire, the weight of the concrete blocks, the burn of the tethered rope, the frigid water…the way it filled my lungs, seeping into every orifice, drowning my body.It’s just too much. Squeezing my eyes closed, I bury my head between my knees, submerging my demons before they can take their unwanted swim to breach the surface.
Just let me fucking breathe.
I’m heaving as I work my way through the darkness, feeling the haunting memory of his fist right at my temple before I was shoved over the edge…Dumped in the water.
However, the knuckles to my temple are a constant throb.
Hit after hit after hit, it just doesn’t fucking subside.
I bring my palms to the sides of my head and add pressure to my skull, internally screaming for the pulsing to stop, for the water to calm, for it all to drift away.
Only when the bang becomes louder, more acute, I rip my headphones out of my ears and snap my head toward the bedroom door.
Caleb barrels through the painted gray timber.
Splintered pieces fall away from the frame and tumble to the ground. His knuckles are blanched, coiled around the chrome handle, his solid chest heaving almost as rapidly as mine when he rights himself.
I try to speak, though nothing comes out. I stare at the literal shape of him now carved through the frame with my mouth wide open. Caleb drops his hand from the handle, readjusts his washed-out black shirt on his shoulders, and runs a large hand through his black curls.
I can’t help myself when a small chuckle rolls up my throat. My open palm closes over my mouth as my shoulders begin to shake.
“You realize just how funny that looked, right?” I continue to snigger. This is exactly what I needed right now, a little lightness,a little peace.
Caleb laughs quietly with me, turning over his shoulder and assessing the damage before a small smirk puppets the corner of his full lips.
“You weren’t answering when I was knocking.”
That’s what the sound was.Not the fists of my nightmare.
“So you just barrel down doors?” I continue to laugh, holding up the wireless headphones between my fingers and raising my eyebrows.
He rubs his hand down his face, his chest still heaving when he points at the headphones. “Well, that would make a whole lot of sense.”
I chuckle again, throwing them down in front of me as I shake my head, eyes diverting, locking on the carpet. “I could’ve been naked,” I murmur beneath my breath.
When he doesn’t reply, I snap my gaze to him and notice that his eyes have zeroed in on something in front of me. I follow hisline of sight slowly, then a dead weight instantly drops into my stomach.
Fuck.
His large, veiny hand is shaking when he lifts it and points directly at my ankles. “What the fuck is that?”
I don’t know what to say.
What lies to tell.
How to make this all go away.
So instead, I turn away, hoping he will accept silence as my answer.
The past five days being around Caleb have been easy. He quickly became someone I wanted to know. He respects boundaries, doesn’t ask questions…until, well, right now. I feel comfortable with him. And I know it’s not just because my brother trusts him. Something in my gut, that bone-deep instinct, tells me that he is safe—that he’s not out to hurt me, or use me for some type of gain like everyone else.
I keep my head down when I hear shuffling over carpet drifting toward me because, to be honest, I have nothing, no excuses, no lies, no words.I just feel gross.
Tears well in my eyes, hard and fast, ready to dominate.
