The filigree wrought-iron gates at the entrance of the graveyard creak as my feet brush over snapped twigs and crunching leaves. The wind is warm today, the breeze whispering its way through my cherry waves and over my sticky limbs.
I step through the entrance, following behind Cameryn, feeling my spine tighten unwillingly at the memories ofthatnightin the early hours of the morning when I was kidnapped, and I find my feet locking in place.
“C-cam,” I whisper, and from a few feet in front of me, she spins around, her dirty blonde hair flicking over her shoulder with the movement. Her black denim shorts sit tight around her waist, her fishnets covering the pale skin of her legs, and her cropped t-shirt cuts off just below her breasts, so when she moved I could see a peek of her underboob. Her brow furrows, confusion crawling across her bare face.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper, and at my words, realization flickers in her haunted blue eyes.
She moves back toward me in an instant, her Doc Martens crunching the leaves beneath them before snatching up both of my hands and squeezing them tightly. “You know what I know, Cherry,” she starts to say, and I watch her bite her bottom lip back into her mouth, clenching my hands a little bit tighter. “I know for a fact that you can do this.”
I start to shake my head, then I drop my chin to my chest. “It’s so hard. I can see it, hear it, feel them. Fuck, it’s just too much.” I crouch to my knees when they begin to shake, feeling the simmering rise of a panic attack filling my trembling veins.
Revenge is sweet.
But trauma fucks you for life.
“Okay, B. You’re gonna hear me out.” Cameryn drops to her knees, her hands coming to my cheeks, where she tucks my hair behind my ears and guides my eyes to hers.
“It’s never going to go away. That night, those days, the pain, the agony,it will remain. You need to decide if you’re going to let it control you or not.”
Her honesty has a tear trailing down my cheek, and she quickly catches it with her thumb, gently swiping it away. “And you know what, Cherry, they took too much from you already, don’t let them take this too.”
I nod, more tears rolling down my face as I sniffle back the effects of my trauma. Licking my lips, I raise my eyes to her blues and ask, “Does it ever get easier?”
She drops her gaze to the leaves beneath us, clearing her throat before swallowing roughly. “You want the truth, or you want me to lie?”
“I want the truth,” I croak.
She starts to shake her head. “No, Cherry, it doesn’t, but at least we have each other. You don’t have to go through this alone, you hear me?” A tear escapes her eye, something that doesn’t happen often for Cameryn. “You have too many people who love you to allow you to suffer alone.”
I nod, wiping away more tears when she wraps her arms around me, pulling me to my feet. “Come on, let's go see our girl,” she whispers, squeezing my bicep.
The sun shines down on us, peeking through the tall trees in the distance, and as we walk deeper into the graveyard, I find myself in small pockets of light where the vibrant rays could simmer its kisses across my pale skin. And though being here feels cold and bleak, the sun did something to me. It had a way of offering me the warmth of what felt like a gentle ghostly hug.
Stepping up to Laney’s grave has my stomach in knots, and I try so hard to keep the tears at bay, but they come out like a waterfall.
It’s the first time I’ve been back here since her funeral, and even then, I watched from a distance. However, there’s something about seeing her name on a headstone that makes it all the more real, that she isn’t coming back, that I was the girl who got a second chance, and she didn’t.
Cameryn drops down next to me as I cry over Laney’s grave for what seems like hours, and when my eyes have dried up, I lay two roses over the girl who saved my life.
“I love you, Lanes.” My voice comes out as a whispering tremble. “Fly free.”
The brightness of the sun is almost blinding as I look up and take in each ray. I have never been one to turn a blind eye to a sign, so I stare right into the light and smile, because I saw Laney for what she truly was.
Pure, bright, and full of fucking life.
After building the courage and strength to visit my mother’s and father’s graves with the help of Cameryn at my side, I had sat between both of them and cried again, only then, they were peaceful tears.
I told them about Harlenand what he did for me.
I told them how happy he makes me and how free I feel when I’m with him. And in that moment, I couldn’t see them, but I could feel them. I knew they were elated for me because the bone-deep tingles that had vibrated through each and every one of my veins was…electric.
I think they would have liked him, his impish humor and playful heart.I wish they could have known him.
Cameryn and I stroll back through the graveyard toward the car.
“What are you going to do with that one?” Cameryn asks, jerking her chin toward the last rose I’m twirling in my palm. I had laid roses over both Mom’s and Dad’s graves, choosing to keep the last one for myself.
Today was huge, a step in the right direction. Ithink I deserved it,and I know Mom would have wanted me to keep it, too.
