This is what my life is now. Living in fear of my past and what the universe holds for my future.
They ruined me.
The glow in the distance draws closer, the sensation only becoming more bearable as I’m teased with the promise of relief.
Though I find my foot hammering down on the gas, blinking through tears of my very own storm. I gaze at the gas station out of my peripheral, my stomach tightening with an immense amount of pressure. When I feel my bladder loosen, just a small drop, both of my hands take the steering wheel in a vice grip, and I swerve my car off the highway abruptly.
I’m not going to piss myself again because of them.
No, they already took enough from me.
All the pumps are empty, the car park adjacent to it too, which is either a good thing, or a really bad thing. Yet before I can contemplate, my bladder has me shoving open the door. My new red Chucks dig into my ravaged Achilles as I slam it shut at my back and race toward the building as fast as my aching muscles will allow. I keep my head down, my lips tucked beneath the material of my hoodie at my chest, and before I can take another breath, I bounce off something hard.
“Fuck,” I groan, rubbing my forehead. Lifting my chin, I see that the doors at the gas station entrance didn’t do their goddamn job and open. “Just my fucking luck,” I mumble each word beneath my breath, rubbing away at my thumping skull.
Stepping up to it again, I pound my open palm against the glass, yelling out, “Hello? Is anybody there?”
No answer.
It feels deserted, but all the lights are still on.
I step backward when a shiver tingles my spine, latching onto the bones in my legs. They throb with impending weakness. Casting my gaze around, I spot the bathroom sign sitting at the edge of the gray rendered building. It has arrows directing trafficto the rear. I move toward it, then corner the building, finding a separate toilet block sitting at the edge of an empty parking lot. It’s pitch black, with the only light filtering from behind me, but it doesn’t extend to the small structure. I pause, sucking in a sharp breath, flicking another wary glance around the desolate lot.
Then, I move quickly toward it with my heart fluttering in my throat, slipping into the darkness without a sound.
My hand curls around the brick at the entrance, my palm sliding across the rough wall as I find my way to a cubicle. I try to reach for the door, but realize it’s vacant of one. Tilting my head backward, I talk to no one, really. “What, you haven’t fucked me enough already? You have to give me no door, too?” I sigh, exasperated, ready to run, to get the fuck out of here and back on the road, only I’m too fucking desperate for a little relief.
Shoving down my sweatpants, I engage my core and hover over the toilet seat. I breathe in and out of my mouth when the noxious smell singes my nostrils, choking back on the vomit that crawls its way up my throat. Attempting to relieve myself, I stop almost instantly. The urine stings through every cut and tear at my mangled center, feeling like I’m peeing through tiny razor cuts.
Oh god.
I feel sick.
I whimper, clasping myself between my legs as I push to stand. My spine connects with the wall, and a loud, jarring thud bounces around me when I recline my head, meeting brick.
Will I ever heal from this?
Maybe physically.
But emotionally…never.
As I close my eyes, a tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly shove the bitch away.Dropping my chin, I suck back anothermouthful of piss-filled air and attempt to relieve myself for a second time, when a deep-throated rumble has me freezing.
Ice fills my veins, the storm of engines only drawing closer, and before I can process what is happening, testosterone envelops me,fucking suffocates me.Some engines are cut, others left purring, gruff voices circling around me, hoots and claps vibrant and vile.
I need to get out of here…now.
Hiking up my pants, I track my previous steps, and when I slip around the entrance, my forehead connects with what I think is another brick wall.
Only, I’m not so lucky this time.
Solid arms wrap around me, but then fall away when I find my feet.
“And what do we have here,” a rough voice says. Dread erupts in goosebumps flitting across my skin, my mouth turning dry.
I can’t see his features, only making out a large shadow that is probably three times the size of me. A light flashes from around the corner when another guy emerges, holding up the flashlight on his phone in my direction. That is when I notice the one in front of me. He is massive, cut sharply, like the main point ofthe triangle.
A violent shiver overtakes me…It can’t be.
