Ellie pulls out her phone and taps away on the screen. “Adding that to my list of things I want to do.”
Nicole and I lock eyes before we burst into laughter, Ellie joining us after she adds “public sex” to a list neither of us knew she was keeping.
“How are things with him?” Ellie asks. “He’s good to you, right?”
“Of course,” I say without hesitation. “Too good sometimes. He’s very thoughtful and kind… nothing like I imagined he would be.” I laugh and shake my head. “I thought he’d just be afuckboy, you know? But he’s not. He has that persona, although I think it’s just a mask. The Matteo beneath it is a great guy.”
Ellie and Nicole both stare at me, slow smiles lifting their lips.
“What?” My stomach does a gymnastics routine as I lift my brows at them.
They share a glance. “You’re in love,” Nicole accuses.
“I—what? No,” I swiftly shake my head. “No. We agreed we wouldn’t catch feelings.”
“Oh, babe…” Ellie gives me a sympathetic look. “I think it’s too late.”
My breath catches and my eyes grow wider as I stare back at both of my best friends. Ellie’s right. It is too late. “Fuck,” I mutter, letting out a breath as I close my eyes. “I caught feelings.”
Nicole reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. It happens.”
“I mean, how could you not?” Ellie offers. “With everything you said about him and the way he’s come through for you.”
“And the two of you are sleeping together,” Nicole adds.
I open my eyes and press my fingers to my temples. “Fuck,” I say again, dropping my elbows to the table. I hold my head in my hands. How the hell did I let this happen? And what the heck am I supposed to do about it now? “What do I do? I can’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
I look at Ellie. “Because we agreed this wouldn’t happen.”
“Okay,” Nicole cuts in. “This is what you’re going to do. You’re going to play it cool and feel him out. If it seems like he might have feelings too, subtly say something to him.”
“Subtle never works with men,” Ellie says, shaking her head. “You have to be direct. Don’t beat around the bush. When the time feels right, just lay down your cards.”
The thought of being that vulnerable makes my skin prickle.
“What if the time never feels right?”
Ellie sighs. “I say life is too short. If you’re feeling something, say something about it. And if he’s not feeling it too, which I’d doubt that’s the case, then you just say goodbye and move on.”
Nicole tilts her head to the side. “Just do what you feel is right, Jade.”
“What if I don’t know what is right?”
What if he rejects me completely? What if I’ve gone and ruined it all?
Nicole smiles. “You will. When you see him, when the time is right, trust me… you will.”
The server comes back to us, and we order dessert that none of us need, but we do it for the sake of extending our lunch date. I’m the one who shifts the conversation to Ellie and her job. Now is not the time to spiral over the feelings I have for Matteo. The feelings I swore I wouldn’t have.
Dessert comes and goes, then the server comes back with our bill and our time is up. Like all good things, the moment comes to an end. We head out to the sidewalk, the three of us lingering, tears threatening to spill as we all come together, arms wrapping around one another.
“New York isn’t that far,” Nicole says again and I’m not sure if she’s telling Ellie and me or herself.
“We’ll talk every day,” Ellie chimes in, her voice thick with emotion.
“This doesn’t change our friendship,” I add, sniffling as Nicole pulls back from us. I wipe the tears away from my face.
