“You can’t.”
Conflict tugs at my heart. I know I can’t do anything about her situation, but goddamn, I want to. It’s my natural instinct–to protect and be the one who handles things.
But this situation… it’s completely out of my hands.
“Okay,” I say, finally agreeing with her, resisting the urge to go to her. The corners of my eyes sting and I blink the sensation away.
Her lips part as if she's going to say something, but she quickly clamps them shut. Her face looks like she can break down at any second and fuck me--it kills me to walk away from her right now, but she thinks that's what she needs. And maybe it is.
Maybe right now, she doesn't need me.
“I don’t want to leave you alone,” I admit, my voice low. “I don’t like the thought of you being here by yourself after he was here.”
Her throat bobs and she nods slowly. “Wyatt is coming to bring Chloe home soon. I’ll be okay until he gets here.”
“El,” I start, my voice trailing off as she shakes her head at me.
“I’m a big girl, Wild. I appreciate your concern, but I’m not a damsel in distress.” She pauses, letting out a ragged breath. “I got me.”
Goddamn.
That last statement hits my chest like a ton of bricks. I know she’s felt powerless before and I imagine Jacob invading her space has her sense of control feeling threatened.
I have to walk away. I have to let Ella stand on her own two feet right now.
My eyes search hers one last time, memorizing the flecks of gray in her icy blue irises, the freckles peppering the bridge of her nose and the tops of her cheeks. This might be the hardest thing I've ever done. A sad smile lightly lifts the corners of my lips and I give her one last longing gaze before I force myself to turn around. I can feel her eyes on my back as I reach for the door.
It takes everything in me not to look back at her as I slip outside. A ragged breath escapes me, my entire lungs deflating as my shoulders sag.
I'll give her what she wants... even if it's breaking my heart in the process.
Sitting on the dock, I stare out at the water with my hands planted on the wooden surface and my fingers wrapped around the neck of a beer bottle. After leaving Ella's, I ended up heading to the marina, unsure of what the hell I’m supposed to do. I still have to keep moving forward, even if it's not in the same direction as Ella.
Having to step away is something I'm not used to. By nature, I'm a fixer. If I see a problem, I want a solution. If I see someone who needs help, I want to help them. Seeing Ella like this and knowing she doesn't want my help is literally killing me. There's still so much I don't even know about her situation with Jacob and maybe that's for the best.
I never expected her to tell me, nor did I push for the knowledge because at the end of the day, it doesn't change the way I feel for her. It changes nothing between us, so if she doesn't want to talk about it, she reserves that right. It's her past, not mine. She needs to untangle herself from this mess without me. Ella can't live in the past and that's exactly what she's doing right now. She's been trying to outrun it this entire time and you can only run so far and so fast before these kinds of things catch up with you.
She has no choice but to deal with it head on now.
And she made the choice to do it on her own.
“I had a feeling I’d find you out here.”
I glance over my shoulder at Wyatt as he walks down the dock toward me. My best friend tilts his head to the side when he reaches me, taking in my disheveled appearance and tired face.
“What are you doing down here?”
I lift my beer, taking a long swig. “Watching the water.”
His eyebrows pull together and he motions for me to scoot over as he sits down on the wooden surface with me. “Ella said you were there with her when Jacob showed up.”
I stare out at the water, avoiding his gaze. “I should have gotten there sooner.”
“To do what, exactly?” Wyatt questions me, his voice low.
I lift my shoulders, letting them fall quickly. “I don’t know. Probably somethin’ that would have put me behind bars.” I look at him. “Where is Ella?”
“She’s at home with Chloe.”
