“I—um—” I pause, letting out a nervous laugh as he slides his hands down my arms. A part of me feels a twinge of rejection, but I also appreciate his honesty. “I want to be ready,” I admit, my voice barely audible. I let out a ragged breath, staring back at him, reveling in his warmth that envelopes me. “I want to let you in.”
“I’m not in any rush.” The smile falls from his lips and he slowly shakes his head at me. “Can you do somethin’ for me?”
“Of course,” I say, without any hesitation.
“When you’re ready to make the move from friends to somethin’ more, I need you to be the one to ask for it. I need you to be the one to take what you want.”
Insecurity floods me even with his assurance. “What if I take too long? What if you get tired of waiting?”
What if you decide I’m not worth the wait?
“Ella.” His voice is soft, but my name rolls off his tongue with purpose. “When it comes to you, I have all the time in the world.” Concern washes over his gaze and he frowns as his forehead creases. “Who hurt you, El?”
My throat constricts, my chest overwhelmingly heavy with emotion as I inhale sharply through my nose. I was able to evade his question before, but I’m exhausted. I’m so tired from constantly keeping my walls in place and keeping him out.
“He did,” I whisper, my voice barely audible. I taste the bitterness on my tongue before I say his name. “Jacob did.”
His nostrils flare. “Your ex?”
I draw my lips between my teeth, clamping down to keep my tears and emotion at bay. I nod. “He wasn’t abusive or anything like that. He destroyed my self worth. He constantly cheated and something like that really takes a toll on you mentally.” I pause, letting out a ragged breath. “It makes it hard to trust anyone.”
The words fall from my tongue, although I don’t dive into the deep details of it all. Cole doesn’t say anything, but the muscle in his jaw ticks.
“I left him when I found out I was pregnant and when I told him, he refused to accept that she was his.”
“He didn’t want anything to do with Chloe?”
Oh, no, there it is. The question I was hoping I would be able to avoid. I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t have him knowing that Jacob denied the possibility of her being his.
I shake my head, not speaking the words, but still not telling him the full truth, nonetheless.
Cole scoffs, the anger evident in his expression. “I would love to fuckin’ meet him.”
Thank god that will never happen. At this rate, I’m sure he’s forgotten about me. He’s forgotten about my existence and has moved on in life.
I can only hope.
“I promise one day I will tell you the whole story.”
Cole stares at me, his lips parting as the anger dissipates from his facial features. For a moment, he appears shocked. “Whenever you’re ready, El,” he tells me, his voice tender. “And if you decide to never tell me, that’s okay too. It changes nothin’ between us.”
My eyes widen as his words settle inside my brain. How he can say something that heavy with such a declaration is beyond me. He knows my past isn’t great, yet he sees past it.
He sees me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
COLE
“Remind me why we decided to do this today.”
Austin glances at me as he slows his horse to a stop. “No one else wanted to go with Cash, remember?”
“Right,” I laugh, shaking my head. Cade turned Cash down when he asked him. Amber was preoccupied with cleaning stalls. And he asked me to come with him so we could hangout.
When he saw Austin pull up, he ended up roping both of us into his mission. He was convinced there was a spot along the south side of our property that the fence needed fixed. Taking on the responsibility of the entire ranch has been a struggle for all three of us.
There’s so many moving parts, so many things to do to keep the entire business afloat. Between the cattle and the horses and Cash on the road for rodeos, it’s a lot and sometimes I wonder if we’ve bitten off more than we can chew.
