The last time I let someone in, I ended up betrayed, pregnant, and alone.
I refuse to put myself in a position like that again.
“I'm not saying I think you should go get married to Cole or anything like that, but I think you should at least let him take you out to dinner.” She pauses and adjusts on the couch. “Worst case, you discover he actually sucks and you never see him again.”
I stare at my best friend for a moment as my thoughts run wild. She doesn’t know he already asked me to dinner and I declined. It’s not exactly something I want to talk about, considering it’s a bit embarrassing on my part.
She doesn’t understand because she has never been in my position before. I am happy for her because I never want her to ever experience that. Remi doesn’t know how daunting the thought of getting to know someone is, especially when you are constantly questioning who they really are.
It’s so easy for a person to pretend to be someone they aren't.
Cole Wild has never struck me as that type of person, but I truly don’t know. He has never been anything but kind to me and I’ve never witnessed him being cruel or rude to anyone.
He has always had a big heart, but the Cole I knew growing up could be a different version than the man he is today.
“I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let him buy me some food,” I admit quietly, dropping my gaze to my hands and picking at the cuticles around my thumb. “Like you said, if it doesn't go well, I never have to intentionally see him again.”
Remi smiles at me. “Exactly.” She reaches over and grabs my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, El. You've already done the hard things in life. You can get through anything after you were able to leave Jacob. Look at the life you've built with Chloe.”
“I know,” I say, giving her a small, yet sad smile. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it though. Sometimes I feel like I’m moving through life with so much strength and then I’m reminded of reality. Of the fact that I’m doing it all alone. And those moments are when I feel overwhelmed and small. Like I have the weight of the world constantly on my shoulders. It’s terrifying and paralyzing at times.”
Remi’s eyes soften, the subtle creases in her skin forming around the corners of her eyes. “I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling. I cannot imagine and it breaks my heart to know you feel that way.” A tear springs from her eye and she laughs it away as she wipes it from her cheek. “You have an entire tribe surrounding you, Ella. You’re not alone anymore and you don’t have to do it by yourself. If you can’t lift yourself up, let us do it for you.
“When you think of the woman from your past, think of how you would never want any of that for her again. You know what you will and won’t accept. Everything is okay now, Ella.”
I can’t help myself as my tears begin to fall. I don’t mean to get emotional like I am, but since we opened the doors on this conversation, I’m struggling to get a hold of myself. “I never want Chloe to think behavior or treatment like that is okay.”
“And she never will,” Remi reminds me as she squeezes my hand tighter. “Look at who she has as a mother. That little girl is going to be a force to reckon with. She’s going to be so strong, all because of you and the way you raise her.”
My thoughts drift to Chloe as a young woman, straightening her spine and refusing to let a man walk all over her. I can see it now. Laughter escapes me and I shake my head, wiping away the lingering tears. “Okay, I didn’t plan on crying tonight,” I say with a soft laugh.
Remi smiles at me, her face warm and familiar. Welcoming and safe. “Should we get back to talking about Cole then?”
“You’re impossible,” I laugh again and shake my head. “But, yes. Would it be weird if I texted him?”
“Absolutely not,” she tells me with her eyes wide like she doesn’t believe the words I just spoke. “I can guarantee that man has been waiting to hear from you.”
Remi releases my hands and I slide one into the back pocket of my jean shorts for my phone. I slowly pull it out, my heart knocking against my ribcage at a rapid pace. My palms begin to feel damp and I look up at Remi as I hold the device in my hand. “I’m nervous, Remi.”
“Do you want me to leave the room?”
My eyebrows pull together. “I’m not calling, just texting him.”
“True. I didn’t know if me being here was making it worse.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I admit, my voice quiet and I unlock the screen to open my messages. I type in the first three letters of his name, watching his contact show up.
“You can,” she assures me. “You’ve already proved you can do anything.”
My chest expands as I suck in a deep breath and slowly exhale. I swallow roughly, urging my heart to calm down. I nod to myself and begin to type out a message. It’s short and sweet. I press the send button before I get the chance to second guess myself and back out.
Ella
Hey.
“I did it.”
Remi claps excitedly as she drops her feet off the couch and scootches closer to me. “Let me see. What did you say?” Her eyebrows cinch closer as she reads the message. “That’s it?”
