Despite her misery, the second thing she couldn’t help noticing was the overabundance of butter.
And there was a third thing she couldn’t help noticing: Rowan enchanting half the ladies at the table.
His mastery was a sight to behold.
“When did your brother become so sleekit?”she asked Violet in a whisper.
“So sleekit?”
“So charming.Such a heartbreaker.”
“Oh.”Violet chuckled in Cait’s ear.“Sometime between Eton and Oxford.He flirts with everything in a skirt.”
Elspeth and Diana were hanging on his every word.Even Amy looked a wee bit enthralled.“Only Jewel seems immune,” Cait observed.
“Beg pardon, my lady.”A footman appeared beside her.“The marquess waits in the drawing room and requests your presence.”
“Oh!”Her heart suddenly racing, she jumped up and rushed through the lobby and into the adjacent room.
When she found Jason standing there, looking pale, she flung herself at him, then swiftly pulled back.“Crivvens, you’re cold.So cold.”
He just shrugged.
“Oh, Jason, I’m so sorry…” She wanted to say she was sorry she’d kept the secret, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it when she didn’t know what he was thinking.Instead, fraught with nerves, she took an embroidered blanket off the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders.“How did you get so cold?”
“I walked for hours,” he said as she drew him over to the fire.“Just thinking.I can only remember doing that one other time.Before we were wed.The time I thought I’d lost you.”
“By all the saints,” she whispered.“Can you ever forgive me?”Her heart was pounding.“I know I’ve made a terrible mess of things.But it’s Christmas, and I didn’t want to upset you, and I couldn’t bear to think—” Hearing herself blethering, she broke off and drew a deep breath.“I’m so sorry, Jase.I didn’t mean to get with child—”
“Oh, really?That’swhat you’re sorry for?”He stared down at her in disbelief.“Do you suppose you got with child on your own?”
“Nay, I—I did not mean that I’m at fault.Just that I’m sorry it’s happened and—”
“What?”He looked, if possible, even more incredulous.“Cait, what are you saying?Do you notwantthis child?”
“Of course I do!”Tears pricked her eyes at the thought of how much she loved and wanted the bairn growing inside her.“You were so excited,” she choked out, fighting to keep her composure, “looking forward to our—our next chapter.Traveling without little ones.Just the two of us.You couldn’t wait, and I couldn’t bear to bring you the news that would ruin your happiness—and at Christmas, no less.You said”—he pressed a handkerchief into her hand, and she blew her nose noisily—“you said that getting me with child would be acalamity!”
“Oh, Cait.You took that seriously?”He let her blow her nose once more, then gripped her shoulders and made her look at him.“Sweet Cait, I want our child as much as you do.”As more tears leaked down her face, his jaw clenched.“But you should have told me.I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me.I’m hurt you told others before me.You did that once before, when you were carrying Griffin, when you feared I’d cancel our journey to Scotland.And you promised you’d never keep a pregnancy from me again.”
“I tried to tell you, more than once, but I just couldn’t do it.I couldn’t make myself do it.I was so afraid…”
“Of what?”he asked, his gaze filled with confusion.
For a moment, they both fell silent.Muffled laughter came from the dining room, so at odds with the tension between them.
“Oh, Cait.”As Jason stepped closer, the embroidered blanket slid from his shoulders to the floor.“You’ve done to me what I once did to you.And you were hurt then, or so you said.”
As always, he was calm in his anger.In all of their years together, he’d never raised his voice to her.Blinking back more tears, she hugged herself.“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”She couldn’t think straight.
“I didn’t trust you to understand that I’d killed your brother accidentally.I didn’t trust you not to hold that accidental death against me.Can you not see, Cait?You’re doing the same thing here.Not trusting me to accept this accidental pregnancy with understanding…and joy.”
“Joy?”She couldn’t have heard him right.Her eyes widened through the tears.“Joy?”
“Yes, joy,” he repeated firmly.“All three of our children bring me joy.Why should this one be any different?”
He sounded sincere.But she was afraid to believe him.“I feared this one might be different because, well… because…”
She had to know.
