He adds, “You said you wanted the fairy tale.”
“I did.”
“Except, you didn’t mean marriage, did you?” His eyes soften as they dwell on mine. “You just meant a proper, exclusive relationship.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“You’ve lost me.”
The tangled mess of emotions I’m going through isn’t easy to express in words.
“I’m afraid I’m too overwhelmed right now for a logical explanation,” I admit to him.
“Who wouldn’t be?”
“Do you mind if I spend some time by myself, processing things, before we talk again?” Smiling my apology, I begin to close the door.
He refuses to break our eye contact as if this were some magic trick that will keep the door open. Surprisingly, it works. I find myself unable to shut the door on the man I love while he’s giving me sad puppy eyes.
“I totally get it that you need time,” he says. “It’s just… I’m psyched up and ready to talk about things I may not dare to raise at a later point.”
I reopen the door. “You have my attention.”
“You mailed me back an amount that most people would do crazy shit to keep,” he begins. “Correct?”
“Depends on what you mean by crazy shit.”
Impatience flickers in his eyes. “Margot.”
The gravitas in his tone suggests that he’s trying to say something important. Something that matters.
“I suppose that’s correct,” I say.
He nods. “So. You won’t take my money, even though I told you it wasn’t coming out of my personal pocket. You won’t marry me, and you don’t want an exclusive relationship. Correct?”
It isn’t. And yet it is.“I suppose so…”
“I thought I’d figured you out,” he goes on. “But I’m not so sure anymore. What do you want from me, Margot? Do you even want me in your life?”
“God, yes!”
His shoulders rise and fall on an exhale. “That was emphatic! Let me try again, then. Was my proposal premature? Should I have waited a month?”
I shake my head.
“Several months?” He searches my face for a sign. “A year?”
“You proposed to spite your mother.” My response surprises me as much as it surprises him. But even as I speak those words, I experience an aha moment.That’s it!That’s one big part of my issue. What a relief to have pinned it down!
He sucks his teeth. “Is that what you think?”
“Absolutely. And I don’t blame you, given her hostility,” I hasten to add. “But I couldn’t possibly say yes to such a proposal.”
“What style of proposal would get you to say yes? Asking for a friend.”
I giggle. “It’s not about the style.”
It’s about the feelings.And I’m not ready to talk about them.
