I need to talk to her. I must apologize to her, let her yell insults at me. It’s the least I can do.
My decision made, I leap from the bed, pull a hoodie over my pajamas, and tiptoe out of the room. At Margot’s door, I lift my hand to knock, freeze in midair, and return to my desk, where I find a condom and shove it into my pocket.
I won’t need it, obviously.
Just on the off chance that she takes the initiative… Sweet Lord, to hold her one more time, to kiss her, to wait on her glorious pussy in every possible way, using my fingers, cock and mouth… One last time.
In your dreams, stupid!
She’ll be furious, and rightfully so. There’ll be no last times.
I set the condom down on the desk.
At Margot’s door again, I knock. There’s no answer. I wait, knock again, listen closely. Not a sound. I try the handle and the door opens. The dressing room is empty.
Did she move out at this hour?
Her backpack is here, though. Maybe she couldn’t sleep and went down to the library, like on the night of the ruined gown?Hold on…Her sleeping bag that I glimpsed on top of the settee the other day is gone. Did she take it with her to the library? Or maybe to the attic?
But of course!I told her about the cozy corner waiting for her upstairs. If Margot couldn’t find sleep here next door to me, then that’s the most likely place she’d go with her sleeping bag.
I climb the stairs to the vast, dark attic, and carefully make my way to the dim light at the opposite end.Good.That means she’s here and still awake. I navigate the crowded space toward the light, like a ship to a beacon, until I’m just a couple of meters from the corner delimited by antique screens.
“It’s me, Jonas!” I call. “I’m coming in to talk to you.”
I hear her rush to the screen from the other side, “No!”
“Please, Margot,” I say. “I’ve been a dick and I wanted to apologize.”
“You can apologize through the screen.”
“OK.” I lean my forehead on a lacquered panel, searching for the right words. “You have every right to be mad at me. I ignored you all day, and I flirted with today’s Elizabeth.”
I pause. There is nothing I can say in my defense without jeopardizing the mission. The only people I’ve discussed it with after my briefing in Pombrio are the royals who came to my house with news: Gigi, Max and Lucie. My sister, my mother, even my cousin Louis, who uncovered the truth about Prince Benjamin’s death, haven’t heard a word from me about this.
So yeah, all I can do is let Margot know that it’s over and tell her I’m sorry.
“Why?” she asks. “I’ve been racking my brain for an explanation, but I’ve got nothing.”
“Neither have I.”
In the eerie quiet, I hear her shaky breaths on the other side.
“I am deeply sorry, Margot,” I plead. “I hope you meet a great guy who deserves you, because you’re amazing. Just… don’t go out with Peter. He isn’t that guy.”
“You can leave now.”
“OK,” I say, but I don’t move. My head spins, and my legs refuse to carry me away from the screen. Away from her.
“Go away, Jonas! Please.”
“I can’t.”I want you so much it’s making me physically sick.
“You. Must. Leave. Now.”
With an effort that requires all the willpower I possess, I turn around and trudge away.
She catches up with me in the middle of the staircase. “I hate you.”
