“I’ll think about what you said.”I smile and leave the office.
My mom calls as I’m walking back to my apartment.It’s a glorious spring day, with the trees and bushes all blooming and the sun shining, so I walked the thirty minutes to my therapist’s office.I answer, and her voice instantly makes me smile.“Just confirming you can get enough tickets for the game tomorrow night.”
“I’ve got four in your name at will call, Conner has four reserved for you, and Grady has another four,” I reply, because half the Garrison family wants to attend our last game of the season.“If you need more, Landon says you can have his tickets too because his parents aren’t in town until playoffs.”
“No, that should be enough.”There’s a pause while she does the mental math.“What are your plans for today?”
“Well, I just finished therapy, and now I’m going to go home and eat and figure out a gift to get Lola.”
“Not Callan?”
“I got Callan one of those track experiences where you get to race sports cars,” I explain.“Grady, Landon, and I went in on it together.”
“And you can’t do a group gift for Lola?”he asks as I make my way down a cobblestone street filled with gift shops.All it does is overwhelm me.
“I could but… she’s special, and I want her to know it,” I say and wait for the enviable reaction.
“I knew it!Oh my God, you like her!”Mom squeals so loudly I have to move the phone away from my ear.“I could tell there was a vibe when I saw you together months ago!She’s a lovely girl, Theo.I’ve chatted with her a few times now, and she’s smart and sassy.”
“I know.We… we had a bit of a thing at the beginning of the season, and I kind of messed it up.I needed to sort through more of this sobriety thing,” I explain as I cross Main Street to walk on the water side.The sun is warm and inviting on my face.“She’s still interested, though.I think.And I feel like I’m in a better place.”
“Okay, so you want to do more than just sleep with her?”
“What?Mom?—”
“Please, I know what bed buddies are.You’re saying you guys tried the sex only thing and it turned into feelings.Good!”she says.“Some of the best relationships in this family started that way.Your parents started that way.”
“Mom!Gross!”I bark out and make a face so repulsive that a woman walking the other way does a double-take.
I stop and sit on a bench at the edge of a park that skirts the docks.My mother is chuckling on the other end of the line.“Look, I’ve been thinking a lot about you.How proud I am but also how you got to the place you were at in Vegas.I feel responsible.”
“Mom, you and Dad aren’t responsible for my choices.Please don’t think that.”
She sighs.“Not directly, but… we never talk about the bad stuff.I grew up with a cold, horrible grandmother who left me, Callie, and Jessie to raise ourselves after my mom died of cancer and my dad took off to drink himself to death.Your dad and I had a rocky start.At one point, I thought he cheated on me.We struggled a little with fertility and lost two babies, one between you and Harlow and one after you.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I know because we try so hard to protect you from the bad stuff that we act like it never happened.”She pauses.“I just want you to know that you can tell us anything.No matter how bad you think it is.Have the big feelings, Theo.Share them.Bad things happen to all of us.But feelings exist, and you’re allowed to have them, no shame.”
I exhale and stare up at the near cloudless sky.“What if I tell Lola I love her, and we get together for real and… I’m a disappointment?What if she gets tired of me not being able to have a good time, not being able to party?She’s only twenty-five, and partying is what people her age should do.What if she gets sick of me, or I don’t live up to whatever she has in her head as a good boyfriend or?—”
“Theo, you’re enough.Faults, quirks, and all,” Mom says firmly.“And if you aren’t for her, you will be for someone else.That’s how life works… But I really have a good feeling about her.”
I let out a huff of laughter.“So do I.”
“I love you, Theo.So much.”
“You’re the best mom in the world,” I tell her.“But if you ever talk about hooking up with Dad again, I will disown you.”
She laughs.“We were just as hot and heavy as you probably are with Lola.”
“Goodbye!Love you.Goodbye!”I hang up on my mom, but I’m grinning.
Life is good.Now, what the hell am I going to get Lola for her birthday that shows her I love her, want her, need her, and…
A block from my apartment, I notice a shop I’ve walked by a thousand times, and it hits me.I send her a text, since I was finally smart enough to get her number.
THEO
