“Not really.But Landon and I can handle it.”Grady shrugs and then asks, “What about you?You seem to be getting a lot of grief from other players around the league.Like, why the fuck was Finch trying to murder you?That’s not his normal M.O.with anyone.”
“Drunk Theo must have pissed him off,” I lie because although Grady is gay and would be a great ally for Xavier and Ryder, it is so not my place to tell him.And Xavier made it clear he’s not telling anyone because of his dad.“There may be way more of that in the league.Only time will tell.”
Mayhem finally leaves Eli Casco’s side.I clear my throat.“Can you introduce me to your father-in-law?”
Grady makes a face, essentially trying to cover up a smile, and argues, “Not my father-in-law, but yeah.”
He puts a hand on my shoulder and leads me the short distance across the crowded room to Eli Casco.“Mr.Casco.”
“Eli.”He chuckles.He’s tall.Not as tall as Grady, who is freakishly tall, but taller than me.And he’s held his shape well, but I’m betting he’s thicker than he was in his playing days.He’s got the same glossy dark hair as Lola and Callan but with silver in it by the temples.“Or Elijah.Or anything but Mr.Casco.”
“Sorry.Eli,” Grady corrects himself with a smile.“This is my cousin Theo.”
His whole face lights up, and his smile brightens, which I wasn’t expecting.“Theo Richard.Luc’s son.Nice to meet you.”
He sounds like he means it, and there’s a brief second where I wonder if he spent the last year out of the country so he has no idea what I’ve done.He shakes my hand, and his grip is firm.“I used to hate playing against your dad.The man used to park his ass in my crease and then start spewing ridiculous shit to distract me.Jokes.Jeers.One time, he decided to start reciting Julius Caesar.The fucking Shakespeare play.”
I laugh.“I’ve never heard that one before.I had no idea he knew Shakespeare.”
Eli shrugs.“I wouldn’t be surprised if he learned it just to fuck with goalies.Your dad and another player named Sebastian Deveau were the biggest mind fucks on the ice.I heard you’ve got that title now.”
“I mean… maybe I used to be on that path.”I shrug and swallow.
Randie cries loudly enough that we all turn around, and Grady sighs.“Someone isn’t going to make it to dinner without a nap.”
He heads over to Landon, who is lifting her up and cradling her against his chest.I catch Eli smiling at the sight.“How’s being a grandfather?”
I don’t know why I ask.I mean, it’s none of my business, but it’s small talk, I guess.And a reason to avoid asking him what I really want to ask.What Lola thinks I should.Eli’s grin deepens, and there’s a dimple in his cheek now.“Best unexpected surprise ever.She’s the best kid, and more importantly, it’s a trip to see my son and his boyfriend's parents.A good trip.Surreal in the best possible way.Makes me love him even more.”
My God, the emotions swirl inside me again, and I blurt out what I’m thinking.“I’m so grateful Landon has your support, especially because I probably made things more difficult for him.And Grady.”
Eli’s eyebrows pull together, then he blows out a dismissive breath.“Nah.That whole drunken video thing?That didn’t bother any of us, especially not Landon.I think everyone was mostly just very worried about you.”
I swallow but my throat is dry and I cough a little.I can feel his stare, so I force myself to look back.My eyes drop to the scar that runs across his neck.It’s not dark or deep anymore but it’s clear something happened.I think about what that would have been like, getting slashed by a skate.Unlike with my injuries, Eli never lost consciousness.Not on the ice.He actually skated across the ice to the bench, holding his neck, blood spurting out with every heartbeat.There’s a grainy video of the whole thing if you dig deep enough on the web, which I did a few nights ago.I was in and out of reality with my injuries, thankfully.“I’m good.I’m fine.Embarrassed.Humiliated.Riddled with guilt.But okay.”
“You don’t play the same.”He says it simply, without judgment or condemnation.“You still play great, don’t get me wrong.I can’t believe how quickly you bounced back from your injuries.Your slap shots still seem very deadly even after surgery on both arms.But you’re definitely more… timid out there.”
I nod, reaching up to rub the back of my neck.“Yeah.Someone… Someone told me I’m having trouble trusting my instincts because I’m stone cold sober now, and I haven’t been that for years.”
Eli seems to think about that as his gaze scans the room, and he nods.“I was like that for a little while after my injury.Like you, I’m sure, before the injury, I didn’t think much on the ice.I relied on instinct and just reacted however my gut wanted me to, but then my gut had me lean in as a skate came up, so… I stopped trusting myself.”
I nod and shove my hands into my pockets.“How did you learn to trust yourself again?”
“Sports psychologist, partly,” Eli tells me.“And spending time with people who don’t let you kid yourself.The PR manager for the Thunder at the time was a no-bullshit powerhouse.She didn’t let me hide behind excuses or fear.”
I know he’s talking about his wife, but all I can think of is Lola.He claps a hand over my shoulder.“It doesn’t have to be a woman.A network of friends or a sibling.Even your dad.Just having someone who helps you see reality, not the made-up worst-case scenarios in your head, helps.And a sports psychologist.Can’t say enough about that.Does the Riptide have one on staff?”
I nod.He smiles.“Use them.”
“I will.Thanks.”
“Oh and one more thing.Remember this,” he pauses, and his green eyes stare straight into my brown ones, “it’s just a fucking game.At the end of the day, if you aren’t having fun doing it, what’s the point?”
“Eli!I’ve volunteered you to carve the turkey!”Dixie Casco calls out, poking her blonde head in from the doorway to the kitchen.She’s Eli’s wife and the mom of Landon, Callan, and Lola.
“Nice talking to you, Theo.”He squeezes my shoulder and disappears.
I make my way through the room to the front door.Outside, the frigid air slaps me in the face.The thin layer of snow on the porch crunches under my boots.I lean against the railing and look out at the tall trees and the dying light filtering through them before I pull out my phone and check my messages.Nothing.
