She doesn’t seem like the type of girl who would follow a man above her own interests, so that kind of shocks me.She gives a little shrug as if feeling my confusion.“I mean, Maine had this cool new early childhood program, which I was interested in, and a Doula certification program too.Which is what I do now.So it wasn’t a bad fit.But staying together… that was a bad fit.”
“Did he cheat?”I ask because I’ve seen tons of professional hockey players fuck around on their significant others.It’s way more common than it should be.
“No.He was having too much fun making me feel like I wasn’t worthy of him, or anyone else,” she mumbles, but I hear it loud and clear.I frown at the thought of some asshole purposely trying to dim the light that radiates off her.“He would say stuff to other people like ‘Lola’s genes make her worth it.Can you imagine the hockey powerhouses we would breed?’And he once asked me if it was hard being the least successful sibling and knowing that would never change.”
“What a prick,” I whisper, scowling.
“The best part is I didn’t dump him.”She laughs bitterly.“He dumped me, and I was stupidly devastated for a long time.He said it was because he was moving ahead in life at a pace I couldn’t keep up with, and it wasn’t fair to me.I ended up in the hospital for something like a month after we broke up, and he didn’t even text me to wish me a speedy recovery.”
“Hospital?”
She waves a hand gently between us.“I’m fine now.But still.Four years together and not even a text?”
“He sounds like a Grade A gaslighter.”
“He was, and I know that now,” she confesses.“Anyway, I finally got over him and graduated and decided this would be the summer of fun.But I end up with a one-night stand that won’t take no for an answer, so maybe the problem is me.”
“It’s not you,” I tell her.“There’s an obscene amount of toxic straight men in this world.On behalf of my gender, I apologize.”
I lean over and brush a lock of wayward hair off her cheek.She smiles but leans away from me.“I’m gonna crush the rest of this cheese.”
She turns to the charcuterie board on the coffee table, skillfully stopping any chance we pick up where we left off in the kitchen, which is probably for the best.Every reason I listed that whatever we started should stop is valid.Even if it sucks to think I won’t be able to kiss her again… or do more.
Chapter10
Lola
Ihear him shift again on the couch, even though most of my head is under the blankets.The power still hasn’t come back on.It’s almost three in the morning, or it was the last time I glanced at his dying phone, and the candle he lit is getting dimmer as it gets lower.Also, the loft is very, very cold.Those are all the reasons I force myself to sit up and say, “Get your ass into this bed.”
“I’m fine,” he says.He’s a lump on the couch I can barely see, but I can tell all the throw blankets he has piled on him aren’t keeping him warm.
“If you don’t come here, I’ll go lie next to you there,” I tell him.“Body heat is an actual thing, you know.Plus, the candle is burning out, and if I’m going to be plunged into darkness, I need to be holding onto your perfect ass.”
He chuckles but doesn’t move.I’m about to get up and do what I threatened when he finally moves.A few seconds later, I’m holding the blankets up, and the chilly air is stealing the small bit of warmth I’d managed to create.He slips in beside me, and I drop the covers.We’re both on our backs, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the small flicker of light the candle on his dresser is creating on the ceiling.I sigh.“This is ridiculous.Come here.”
I roll toward him, grab fistfuls of his Riptide hoodie, and pull him until he’s on his side facing me.I take his arm, which is dead weight, and drop it over my side and then snuggle into him, my face nuzzling into the top of his sweatshirt.It smells like laundry soap and aftershave, which has hints of leather and vanilla.It’s sexy and instantly makes my blood run warmer.He’s stiff for a second, then I feel him loosen up, and he slides a leg between mine.We’re comfortably tangled up in each other now.It’s both relaxing and a turn-on.
“I’ve never slept with a woman I haven’t had sex with.”
“No girlfriends who just spent the night with no action?”
“No girlfriends since high school.Just hook-ups and recurring bed buddies,” he says, and his voice sounds sleepy.“Hockey and drinking were the priorities.”
“And now it’s hockey and sobriety,” I say.“So you should find yourself a bed buddy, Theo.Because a healthy sexual relationship, even when it’s not an emotional relationship, is important.”
“You’re like a teeny, tiny sex therapist, aren’t you?”
“Nope.I’m a doula.”I explain.
“What’s a doula?”
“Doulas provide emotional, physical, and non-medical support during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.”
“Have you seen a baby being born?In person?”
“A few.”
“That’s freaking cool.”I feel his lips brush my hair and try not to read into it.Snuggling doesn’t have to lead anywhere… But I wish it would.I’m really attracted to Theo, and he’s a whole bunch of green flags, which I’m not used to, but clearly could use in my life.It’s probably why the universe is cockblocking me.It’s a bitch that way.“So do you want kids of your own or just to deliver everyone else’s?”
