ABBOTT: Are you home? I’m knocking.
This must be a team thing, so I get up and walk down the hall. Abbott has no other reason to be here. I open the door, and he steps inside. “Hey. We have to talk. A lot is going on, and I don’t want you to find out from the news or in a group chat.”
“What?” I ask, confused.
“Landon is in the hospital.”
My heart stops. “What? Why?”
My head flies to the absolute worst possible scenario. He’s sick. His cancer is back. I’m going to lose him.
Abbott puts a hand on my shoulder. “It’s not cancer. I mean, not necessarily. He had an attack of vertigo. His sister was at his place and called an ambulance. He’s at Southern Maine Med now. His ex called the coach to inform him that he can’t play tonight. Did you know she’s around again?”
“Yeah. I knew.” I scrub my face with my palm. “What causes vertigo?”
“Lots of things can,” Abbott says, but I’m already Googling it on my phone. “Grady, don’t. The last thing you need right now is Web MD making this worse.”
The results are, in fact, terrifying, because my brain latches onto the worst thing on the list of possibilities. I look at Abbott. “Brain cancer. Can leukemia lead to brain cancer? Did it spread and nobody knew?”
“It can be as simple as a crystal in his ear canal, Grady,” Abbott says. “And we have a game tonight, remember? You need to focus. He’ll likely be home by the time the game is over. You can go visit him then.”
“Unless this is brain cancer.” My stomach turns sour.
“You just lost what little color you have. Come. Sit down.” He grabs my elbow and pushes me toward the bench in the hall where I put on and take off my boots. I lower myself onto it. Abbott keeps his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Do not panic until there’s official word it’s something to panic about, okay?”
“I make no promises.”
“You have real feelings for him, don’t you?” Abbott asks.
I look up at him, and the urge to finally be honest with someone is overwhelming. “Yeah. I do. And I fucked it all up.”
Abbott’s smile is filled with sympathy. “I figured the tussle Deveau said you guys got into was about this. Grady, you’re your own worst enemy, you know that?”
“I think it’s become clear.”
“Why don’t you make me a coffee and tell me everything?” Abbott suggests. “As your friend and your captain who needs to figure out what the hell I can do to help bring some peace back between my best goalie and my best defenseman.”
I nod. If I can be honest with anyone, Abbott’s the one. He’s always been an ally.
Twenty minutes later, Abbott has been stunned into silence. He knows I’ve had a thing for Landon for over a year. He knows that I accepted an invitation from Angie to have a threesome with them. He knows that after Angie and Landon broke up, I volunteered to let him use me to explore his sexuality. He knows we talked about actually having a relationship. He knows Angie showed up, pregnant, and we don’t know for certain who’s the dad, and he knows I think it’s Landon, and I told them they should get back together.
“Wow. Man… you two have really tried your best to make this as complicated as humanly possible,” he finally says with a wry smile. “No wonder you’ve both been a little unpredictable on the ice lately.”
I run my hands through my hair and tug on the ends as I stand to pace. The ocean outside my window is rolling with big, aggressive waves. The beach looks cold and bleak, the same way I feel. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Are you looking for suggestions?”
“Sure.”
“Even if you don’t want to hear it?”
I nod. Abbott presses a finger to his closed lips and inhales, clearly trying to figure out where to begin and how to say what he’s thinking. “Abbott, just say it. Bluntly. I’m drowning in panic and guilt.”
“What I think you should do is go to the rink and play this game,” he begins. “And then go find Landon. Have Angie text you updates so you know if he’s home or still in the hospital. And then tell him, clearly, how you feel about him.”
“I don’t know if I can get a minute alone with him,” I reply, still pacing in front of the window. “If I wait until after the game, his parents will probably be here. And you said his sister was here? And maybe his brother will show up.”
“I’m not finished with the uncomfortable advice.”
