“And people who date are…?” He waits for me to answer him, but I don’t, so I roll my eyes. He puts both hands on my shoulders. “People who date are simply people who like each other and are sexually attracted to one another. And you can lie if you want, but your body has made it clear I turn you on.”
He rolls his hips, grinding into my cock, and I bite back a groan. My hands move to his hips to make sure he doesn’t do that again, because I will lose my train of thought and just kiss him. He squeezes my shoulders. “Oh, and dating is also usually exclusive. We’ve already agreed we aren’t fucking other people. So… is that the issue? Now you want to fuck other people?”
“I haven’t thought about another person since that first night.” I should have lied, but I can’t bring myself to do it. “Fucking only you sounds like a reward, not a hardship.”
He moves closer, tipping his head down so our foreheads touch. My eyes close because he’s all blurry now, and his scent, a mix of that mint shampoo he uses and his sandalwood body wash, has me so turned on I’m dizzy. “Talk to me then, Grady. What the hell has you so scared?”
“I can’t talk with you sitting on my dick,” I admit and push him off me gently and with a wave of regret. But if we don’t have this talk now, then when? It won’t get any easier the more we fuck.
He stands up again, and I adjust myself and then also stand up. I run a hand through my damp hair. “Look, I know you can pretend this isn’t happening in front of everyone, especially the team. You’ve done a fine job so far, and I haven’t even had to ask.”
“I kind of like it, honestly,” he replies.
“Yeah, but for how long?” I sigh. “I know you, Landon. You enjoy being in a relationship. You’re fascinated by Abbott and Declan and how domesticated they are. How normal.”
“Oh fuck off,” he barks out, but his tone isn’t really upset. Maybe mildly annoyed. He walks over to the couch and perches on the oversized arm. “I know gay people are normal, Grady. And if you’re talking about when we had that dinner, I was fascinated by any relationship that wasn’t spiraling because the last two years of my life with Angie was just that.”
“Okay, but you are gonna want to be open about your life, this part of it.” I swallow and once again wonder where all the saliva went. “I can’t give you that. Maybe ever, but definitely not while I’m in the league. And I mean, I haven’t told a single soul, and I would be uncomfortable if you did.”
“So I couldn’t tell my family?” he questions, his tone suddenly not so confident. “My parents wouldn’t care, and they wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“I’m not comfortable with that,” I reply honestly. “See, this isn’t going to?—”
Landon scratches the back of his neck at his hairline and then shrugs. “Well, I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t come out to my parents. But I can guarantee that I won’t out you. Or tell them I’m in a relationship.”
I start getting agitated. He isn’t making this easy, and I don’t know why. I start to pace a little, just a couple of short steps in each direction. “Landon, seriously. Why me? You’re new at this. You should probably explore.”
“Nah. Thanks. I’m good.” Landon presses his palms into his thighs and leans forward, as if he’s about to drop some sort of news flash. “And for the record, in case I haven’t made it clear, I don’t want to be with any other guy. Just you. So even if you dump my ass right now, because you’re a six-foot-six pile of chicken shit. I won’t be fucking my way through gay bars or other players. I’ll still be attracted to you. I’ll still like only you.”
“What if one of us gets traded?” I blurt out. “What if we both get traded to opposite sides of the country. Or one of us gets traded to a Canadian team? My whole career is an example of how quickly everything can change. Will you still think this is worth it when we can’t even see each other unless our teams play each other, which, depending on where we end up, could only be two times a season?”
He doesn’t respond. His pretty face is growing more and more serious because what I’m saying is finally sinking in. “And we have just had a few months in between seasons, and your family is in San Francisco. Mine is four hours from here. Spending time together would be tricky and risky and?—”
“You’ve got it all figured out. It’s kind of amazing,” Landon interrupts as he stands. “You are really talking yourself out of this.”
“I’m being realistic.”
“You’re being an idiot,” Landon counters and walks over to stand in front of me again. “Do you know what my grandfather told me?”
“No.”
He wraps his arms around my shoulders. I should step out of this embrace, but I just don’t want to. God, it feels so good to be touched by him. “Well, he died of ALS before I was born, but he left all his kids letters, and in his letter to my mom, he told her to always remind her kids, when she had them, that life is short and promised to no one. For a long time, I thought it was just some motivational cliché… until I collapsed on the ice and was told I had cancer. Then it suddenly had some context.”
I’m an ass because I rarely think about his cancer. He just seems so healthy, and he never talks about it. It’s hard to imagine he went through that. He leans in, tipping his head up so our lips brush just long and hard enough that familiar, addictive electricity runs down my spine. When he speaks again, his tone is back to being overbearingly confident. “So yeah, could this all blow up in our faces? Sure. Could the league inadvertently rip us apart? Yeah. In fact, the odds are stacked against us that we finish our careers on the same team, let alone get traded together again. But is that going to stop me from telling you I like you? Fuck no. Life is short and promised to no one, so man up, Grady, and admit to yourself, if not me, that we have become much more than a fuck buddy situation.”
I stare at him. He’s been my crush for so long, and now he’s basically offering himself up on a silver platter, demanding I do the simplest little thing, admit what we both already know. “So what? You want to be my… boyfriend?”
He grins, and my stupid, illogical heart sprouts wings. “That’s exactly what I want.”
“I don’t even know how to begin to be someone’s boyfriend,” I say like a fucking idiot because what twenty-eight-year-old hasn’t been someone’s boyfriend?
“Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Landon’s fingers tangle in the back of my hair. “Only maybe with more blow jobs. And a toy or two.”
I lift both eyebrows. “A toy?”
“I’ve been thinking about buying some,” he confesses, and the pale pink starting to color his cheeks is so fucking sweet I think my blood sugar just spiked. “You haven’t been subtle, and I knew you were gonna try to run like a feral ginger cat. So I was looking at ways to keep exploring without you, if I had to. But I think it would be fun to play around with them together. Have you tried a butt plug before?”
“Oh my God,” I hiss out and lean in and kiss him. Neither one of us is gentle or timid about it. Our tongues battle, and our hips bump, and his hands tug at my hair as I palm his perfect ass.
