“You can’t walk to West Hollywood from here, Livvy.”
“I’m walking to my boyfriend’s.” I slam the door behind me.
Anger has me halfway to Crew’s house before I realize it’s dark out. I’m on a side street with no streetlights and I never texted him to say I was on my way. When the reality of my situation starts to take hold, the anger gives way to fear. I want to pull out my phone to text Crew, but I don’t want to appear distracted. I keep my eyes up, scan the street, and make my way over a block to the main drag of Abbott Kinney.
There will be lights there and also people. Maybe some sketchy people but also patrons on patios and people to hear me scream if I have to. I started watching YouTube self-defense videos and so I dig my keys out of my pocket and wedge each one between my knuckles, even the stupid little mailbox key. A man is approaching, he’s got his hood up and his head down so I move as close to the edge of the sidewalk as possible. I would rather jump into the street if he tries to grab me than be shoved into one of the dark doorways of the closed shops.
He doesn't even glance at me as he bustles by so that's good, but my nerves are fraying more and more with every person I pass and every sound I don't expect, like a dog barking at the end of an alley and a car horn a block over. By the time I see the corner of Crew's gated complex, I start to sprint. The security guard gives me a strange look from inside his box as I get to the gate and lean on it for support.
“I’m… I have the code. I just need a minute to…”
“Olivia!” Crew appears on the other side of the gate and he hits a button on a remote and the gate gently hums as it opens.
He’s standing there in just a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt but he’s never looked more gorgeous to me. I have never wanted to see a familiar face so badly. I slip through the barely open gate and hug him. He wraps his arms around me and I finally take a deep breath, sucking air into my lungs like I’ve been holding my breath. Maybe I have. And why are my eyes watering?
He kisses the top of my head. “Tate called and said you took off on him. He was freaking out about you walking to my place.”
“I’m fine. I did it,” I say, wishing I sounded confident. Wishing I felt confident that the little trip felt like a milestone, but it didn’t. I don’t ever want to do that again.
“Honey, can you tell me what’s going on?” His voice is so soft and gentle.
I look up at him just as a hot wet tear slips down my cheek and he cups my face and wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. “Hey. Hey. You’re okay. You’re always okay with me.”
“I know,” I croak out and let him turn us and, with an arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders, he walks us back to his place.
Once we get there, he closes the door behind us and guides me around all the half-packed boxes to his sofa. I drop down onto it easily because my legs are sick of holding me up apparently. He smooths my hair, tucking it behind my ears and then he kisses me again, this time on the forehead. "Olivia, you can tell me anything."
“Okay.” I sniff and take a few deep breaths. “But I don’t want to. Not right this instant.”
He looks taken aback by that and I feel bad but I can’t stand the idea of him looking at me the way Tenley and Tate do, like I’m even more of a timid little baby than they thought I was. Plus Crew is a smart man, he’ll look at the timeline from the attack and think that me sleeping with him was simply me using him to get rid of my virginity and he would be right. But that’s not what it is now and what if he doesn’t believe me when I say that part. What if he thinks I used him? He already admitted he doesn’t trust women and this isn’t going to help that.
Crew gets off the couch and I watch him head into the kitchen. He comes back holding a drink in a blue labeled bottle. Wait, the bottle isn’t blue. The drink is. “I tried your wet grass latte, now it’s your turn to try my drink,” Crew says. “It’s an iced caffeine-free lavender latte. I drink them at night when I can’t turn my brain off.”
I stare at it as I open the cap and it makes a popping sound. I take a tiny sip. I’ve never drank lavender before but it’s delicious. “Not bad. And chai lattes aren’t wet grass.”
He gives me a small grin. “Are you up for drinking that on the road?”
“Yeah. Where are we going?”
He doesn't respond. He just holds out his hand, so I take it, and the next thing I know we're in his car, driving toward West Hollywood. So I do what any inexperienced woman new to relationships and recently traumatized would do—I jump to conclusions. "Are you taking me home already? I thought… you said morning. I know I'm a bit of a disaster tonight but I fought with Tate. Are you really ditching me?"
“No. I’m not ditching you,” Crew replies calmly as he drives down Santa Monica Boulevard toward my house. “But I have to be a bit worried you have something big you won’t share with me. I know sexual relationships are new to you, but romantic ones aren’t, right?”
"Yeah, I've had boyfriends before."
“So did you lie to them too?”
“There’s a difference between lying and working things out on my own,” I argue. “I know that this isn’t something you ever thought you’d do again—date—and so why in the world would I emotionally vomit all my baggage on you and potentially make you regret your decision?”
“This sounds like, and looks like, a pretty big deal Olivia,” Crew says calmly as he turns left on Crescent Heights, towards Laurel Canyon, instead of continuing on to my street a few blocks away. "You showed up tonight pale as a ghost and barely breathing. Like you were in the throes of a panic attack. That's something you should share with the guy who sees you naked regularly."
“I have much to learn, apparently,” I say a little bitterly because I am sick of feeling like everyone knows more than me. My own fault, but still.
“I think I’ve proven myself to be a pretty good teacher, though.” I glance over at him and he gives me a cheeky grin as he takes a left on Lookout Mountain and now my curiosity levels are through the roof.
“Where are we going?”
"I told you, I'm looking for a new house," Crew explains as I take another sip of the blue drink. "I was driving the realtor crazy because I've seen every house in Venice and the surrounding area and I don't have the urge to even make an offer on any of them. She has been asking me to branch out and try new areas. So after our day at the Laurel Canyon Store, I started to poke around listings here."
