“Who the fuck else would I be talking about, Noah?”
“You sure as fuck didn’t act like it,” I bark and I know that this is rough, and mean, but Luke is hard as nails and I’ve spent months trying to reach that thing beating in his chest with kid gloves and it hasn’t worked. So here we are. Using my words like a prize fighter’s punch. “I begged you to fuck me the entire last month of our… experiment, and you wouldn’t. You started sneaking out after sex, instead of spending the night. You weren’t responding to texts. If that’s how you show attachment, asshole, I got news for you, you’re doing it wrong.”
“I thought you needed to… find someone else to fuck. Someone who you wanted to be with not just as an experiment,” Luke replies and turns his gaze to the street, probably looking to make sure no one is watching the two professional athletes having a lovers spat at four in the morning.
“Why the hell would I give my ass virginity to anyone but you?”
"Because I'm just your guinea pig, and not your… it should be with someone you… and I… if I did that with you I would be…" Luke can't finish a sentence and his voice thick with angst. Like it's torture to admit this to me. It's definitely torture to hear. But also a bit of sweet relief. Because I've laid awake more hours than I can count trying to figure out a reason behind the heartache he caused. "I was your willing test subject. We had fun and you got your answer. We both know, without a doubt, that you like men. Now you can move on.”
“I like you,” I counter.
"Right. Fine. I get you hard," he nods like we're talking on-ice strategy and not about the fact that we made each other come daily for four months. "I get you off. We've established that. But I thought it was time for you to swim in a bigger pond. If I fucked you, I wouldn’t be able to walk away. It was feeling like… I would develop real feelings and it wasn’t fair. You were playing… experimenting. I couldn’t get attached."
"I was attached to you," I say with no anger or malice or even frustration. Because it's not a hardship or a punishment, loving Luke Alexander. Even with all his hang-ups and attitude and broken jagged pieces, it's the best fucking thing I've ever felt. If only he loved me back.
“What?”
"I don't like you. I mean, at the moment I kind of fucking hate you, but despite all of this… I was into you. I am still into you. Fully and completely,” I admit and watch his face drop in shock and his eyes widen in what's probably fear. Luke doesn't know what to do with the L word. I get it. Like Justin said, he has his reasons for being the way he is. “We were real to me. I don't want to be fucked by anyone else. I just want you."
And that’s when he grabs my arm and hauls me into his front hall. And there, with the door wide open and the street light tumbling in, he slams me into the wall and kisses me. For the stars and the moon and the world to see, Luke Alexander presses his mouth to mine and I willingly let his tongue claim me. Because it feels right. He always feels right.
We paw at each other like starved animals. I grab his ass in both hands, ignoring the pain in my taped up broken finger, and grind out cocks together. He grunts but doesn't pull away or worry about the open door. His hands fist my hair and he tugs on my bottom lip, hard, as he breaks the kiss.
“If I fuck you, Noah…” Luke shakes his head. His hair has grown and is falling across his forehead. I swipe at it with my fingertips, brushing it away and his dark eyes meet mine. “I won’t be able to walk away from this.”
“Oh no. We’ll have to commit to each other. Is that so horrifying to you?” It hurts that he still looks so troubled.
"You just discovered who you are and locking you down feels selfish and unfair."
"Unfair?' I echo in utter disbelief as he pulls away from me, hand adjusting the throbbing cock in his pants. "Spoiler alert you self-destructive idiot, I want you to lock me down. I don’t want to be with anyone else."
I turn toward the open door and it suddenly slams in my face. I turn back to face him. He looks like he might cry. “You don’t know that to be true until you fuck someone else.”
“That may be how your brain works but it’s not how mine works,” I counter. “So you’ve fucked how many people since we ended our experiment?”
“None.”
“Because..?”
“Because I don’t want to fuck anyone else. Or be fucked by anyone else,” he replies without a second of hesitation. “But I’ve done my fair share of exploring. I’ve lived with my sexuality a hell of a lot longer than you.”
“I’ve lived with mine my whole fucking life, just like you, asshole,” I counter still so filled with anger that I can’t help but call him names. I add a poke to the center of his bare, sculpted chest too. “I only acted on this part of it when it felt right. I waited for you because you felt right. That doesn't make me any less bi than if I fuck half of Las Vegas, okay? Lots of people only fuck one person, if they’re lucky enough to fall in love their first time and the idiot doesn’t dump them. Why can’t I be one of them?"
Luke blinks. His mouth opens and closes and then he huffs out a chaotic breath. I step up to him, our chests bumping so aggressively he winces because of his ribs. I place a hand on his hip below all bruising, holding him close. He closes his eyes and whispers a question, his voice thick with vulnerability. “Do you love me?"
“Yeah. I love you. It will stay that way, whether you fuck me or not, whether you love me back or not," I tell him, my head moving toward his as if caught in a vortex. I can't stop myself. I'm going to kiss him. "And I'm not letting any other man anywhere near me. Because I'm only interested in you, and all the broken, grumpy, gruff, scared bullshit that comes with you. You are all I want."
Luke blinks and one side of his fuckable mouth quirks. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I let out a short, hard burst of laughter. "I don't know, but I don't intend to find out. I'm happy. I like who I am with you when you aren't dumping my ass."
I kiss him. This time we're softer and kinder to each other. Our mouths making apologies and promises we haven't uttered out loud… yet. He wraps his hands around my back, clinging to me with a tenderness he's never shown before.
“I couldn’t dump your ass,” Luke murmurs in between kisses. “Because I wasn’t dating you.”
I pull back and our eyes lock. “Can we date? Can we be boyfriends?”
“Yeah, if you want a label, I’ll give you a label,” he replies and kisses me again. “I’ll give you anything, Noah, if you’ll give me a second chance.”
