“Isn’t that the point of seeing me?” the voice asks.
Oh God, I do not want to be here for this. I run my hands through my hair and begin to pace as he whispers something I purposely avoid hearing. I debate sticking my fingers in my ears and chanting 'I'm not listening. Blah, blah, blah' like a five-year-old.
He closes the door and turns back to me. Our eyes lock and I clear my throat. He opens his mouth to say something but I hold up a hand. “I don’t need an explanation. I’m not owed anything, Gabriel.”
“We’re back to Gabriel?”
“Huh?”
“You started calling me Gabe tonight.”
That’s a shift that I guess means something to him. I feel bad I’ve taken it away, but after what I just heard I realize I need to distance myself. I can’t be that same idiot who falls for every guy that gives him attention. Look where that got me last time. “Gabe, I should go.”
“It’s not the same when you say it like that,” Gabriel says, almost pouting.
“Look, I had a great time tonight. I don’t regret a minute of it,” I admit and give him a smile I hope doesn’t look awkward. “I just… we need to keep in mind what we’re doing and why. And if you are having extracurriculars with someone… whoever that was… then I’m keeping this… professional. I hope you get it.”
I walk to the door and smile at him again as I leave. But he’s not smiling back. “It’s late. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
And I leave like I guess I always do with Gabriel.
16GABRIEL
Dad is beamingwhen I walk into the cafeteria at the paddock. Back-to-back race weeks are always a grind. I mean, I love what I do, but it’s a lot with the travel, physical endurance, and mental gymnastics involved. And now we’ve added fake dating to the itinerary, which apparently I’m better at than the rest of the things. I try not to think about that so I don’t get depressed.
Dad holds up his phone screen. I see a picture of me and Axel kissing in the lobby of the hotel last night. Above it the headline “Gabriel Allard Comes Out with Mystery Man.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ve been telling anyone who would listen I’m bi since I was fifteen.”
“I knowmon coeur, but visual confirmation is always more meaningful to the masses." I drop down in a chair across from him and pull out my phone, Googling my name. Yep. The first five links are all stories about how I'm suddenly gay. I swear under my breath, but I scroll through all of them as my trainer drops a well-curated plate of food and a chai latte in front of me.
I have to admit, I like the pictures of Axel and me together. Especially the ones in the restaurant. We look relaxed and happy. He’s mind-blowingly pretty when he smiles. Not a word most men want to be called but I can’t help but use it. He’s got eyelashes for days and the way that pink color conquers his high cheekbones when he’s being shy is just amazing. I screencap one of the better photos and immediately make it the wallpaper on my phone screen.
“Are you listening?” My dad’s voice pokes through my reverie.
“No.”
“Gabriel, you are going to have to keep your cool with the press today,” Dad warns me. “You can remind them your sexuality was never a secret but do it politely. And it wouldn’t kill you to smile a little if Axel’s name comes up. Did you rehearse some facts about him? So this is believable?”
“Well let’s see… I know his full name, his sister’s full name, the fact he hates surfing but loves snowboarding and that his dad has won an Oscar,” I rattle off. Internally my brain adds,and I know how his cum tastes.
"His dad won a what? An Academy Award?" Dad asks, eyes wide.
"Yeah. His real last name is Hemming. His dad is the director, Dominic Hemming," I explain and lean forward. "You didn't know that?"
“I did,” Damien interjects as he sits down next to my dad with a plate of eggs and bacon. Fuck, I wish I could eat bacon during race season but it’s not on the list of approved foods. “He doesn’t like people to know. Kid is trying to make his own way and all that noble garbage.”
I pick up my spoon and dive into my Greek yogurt and granola parfait. My dad looks stricken and then he says, “I’m so glad you don’t do that, Gabriel. I worked hard for our family name to mean something. I want you to use it with pride.”
“I’ll always proudly be an Allard,Papa,” I assure and give him a smile as I keep eating my boring breakfast. I wonder though, if I would be in a different place if I had been like Axel and made my own way instead of always relying on the help my dad is overly eager to give. “Although you may wish I wasn’t if we can’t prove this woman’s accusations are false.”
“I would never wish such a thing, in any situation,” Dad promises. “We will prove it, somehow, and even if we don’t, know that I believe you, Gabriel. And I’m always going to believe you.”
My dad leans forward and cups my face, his eyes shining with pride. And I remember, I’m not Axel. I wasn’t created out of the love of two people, or even as a mistake between two humans and a night of passion. No, I was created because my dad wanted a child. I was this idea he willed into fruition, alone, with money and donor eggs and doctors. It may not be a normal attitude, but I can’t help but feel a bit of pressure to never, ever hurt him because of that.
“There were cameras inside the plane, but they don’t know if they were turned on,” Damien announces. “The company you use for jet rentals rarely turns them on. In fact more times than not, they’re off for passenger privacy. But they’ll get back to me soon with confirmation. If they weren’t turned on, we’ll need to find another avenue.”
“Merde,” Louis swears under his breath. “Okay. Well, meanwhile this thing with Axel is providing the distraction we wanted. You two, with the kissing, really sealed the deal. Are you okay? Is he? With the fake affection?”
