“Why can’t you?” he demands softly. “Because you don’t love me anymore?’
“Because I do love you. But I can’t keep playing Groundhog Day, Abbott. With you and hope. I just can’t.” I walk toward the door and open it. The hallway is dark and empty, like my heart feels.
I step into it. And I’m almost to the stairs when I hear the floorboards creak behind me. “Deck. I mean it. I swear. I’m coming out at the Cup Day whether you’re there by my side or not.”
I turn back toward him. The hallway has one small dormer window at the end. The moonlight is streaming in behind Abbott, making him nothing more than a lurking, bulky blob. I can’t see his face or read his expression or gauge the truth in his eyes. But I can hear it in his voice. But I’ve heard it before. We stand there, like two cowboys facing off in a duel. But then, he draws first.
“Hey! Guys!” His voice booms through the dark hall, loud and urgent.
“What the hell are you—"
“Finn! Jake! Logan!” he calls out, louder than before.
“Abbott! Shush!” I command, but it’s too late. All the bedroom doors open and all the guys appear in the hall.
“What happened? Is something wrong?” Finn asks.
Someone flips the light switch and the overhead light fixture floods us all in a harsh yellow glow. “Is there a pea under Princess Declan’s mattress?” Jake jokes.
“No, I just wanted to let you all know that I’m gay,” Abbott says.
My eyes dart to Finn and then Jake. They both look like they’ve been blindsided. Logan, of course, does not. His shock is subtle because it’s about the delivery not the information. Abbott folds his arms over his chest, like he’s suddenly realized he’s only in underwear. “Anyway, I just wanted you guys to know. I’m gay and I’m in love with Declan. Have been for an embarrassingly long time and will be for the rest of my life.”
“Uh… I… umm… ah…” Finn stutters, just like my heart is doing in my chest. His eyes dart to mine. “Did you know about this?”
“You could say so, yeah,” I manage to choke out. My throat feels like the diameter has shrunk by a few inches.
Jake leans on his door frame. His shock is quickly, and not so subtly, morphing into amusement. He folds his arms in front of his chest and cocks his head at me. “That was a romantic gesture of epic proportions. Deck, you have to respond somehow. Now, damnit!”
“He doesn’t have to say a thing. This isn’t about him. I just wanted you guys to know,” Abbott interjects and takes a deep breath. “Truth is I fucked up royally with Deck. More than once. So he doesn’t have to do or say anything.”
The disappointment in the air is palpable as everyone kind of deflates and starts to step back into their rooms. I could let this moment go. I could take Abbott aside and talk to him privately. I could do a lot of things that feel proper or appropriate or like what people expect from me. But for the first time in my life, I speak without overthinking it.
“It’s always been you, Abbott. And it will always be you.”
I walk back down the hall, toward Abbott, and my whole family just fades from my sight, even though they are all still there gawking. He grabs me as soon as I’m within arm’s length and yanks me into the bedroom, slamming the door behind us. Blocking out the world. He takes my head in between his hands. “I will never let you down again.”
And then he kisses me, his tongue taking over, leading mine on a dance that I will never get sick of. We make out like teenagers against the door, and then on the bed. But as he reaches to pull my pajama bottoms down, I hesitate. Because now I can hear Jake snoring across the hall like he’s in the room. “The walls are paper thin.”
Abbott pauses. I feel his body sag a little in defeat. “You’re right.”
And then he’s off the bed, standing beside it and pulling me up with him. He kisses me lightly on the jaw and whispers, “So let’s get rid of the walls.”
“What?”
The lights are still on in our room so I watch him as he digs around in his bag. When he pulls out lube and condoms, my eyes expand to the size of saucers. “You knew I was going to give in?”
“No. I thought I’d lost you forever,” he replies and then pulls out a piece of paper and holds it up for me to read.
Told you I packed everything you would need. :) Love A.
“Aspen knew we’d find our way back to each other.”
“Lightening rod,” I murmur.
“Lightning,” he agrees. Then he takes my hand. “Now follow me.”
He leads me out of the room and down to the other end of the hall. He opens the door next to the bathroom and a shiver of excitement rockets down my spine. We’re going to the widow’s walk. We climb the stairs in silence, taking each step gingerly so we make as little noise as possible. Abbott opens the door and suddenly we’re under a blanket of stars with a warm breeze rustling our hair and the sound of waves rolling serenely across the shore. The moon is full and gives enough light that I can make out every rippled line on Abbott’s stomach, the strong line of his jaw, and the heat in his stare.
