He nods, but I can tell there’s still hesitation. I feel it like a weight on my shoulders. I’ve let him down before. I can’t do it again, for his sake and for mine. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt him again.
17
ABBOTT
“Where’s the boyfriend?”
Aspen smiles at me as I enter the kitchen. She’s sitting at the island, sipping coffee and already dressed for the day. Overdressed, really. After all, she’s attending a charity hockey game in Ocean Pines but she’s in a perfectly pressed dark linen suit, complete with a crisp white blouse. “Why are you dressed like a secret service agent?”
Aspen flips me the middle finger. Andie is in her highchair chewing away on a teething ring, and when she sees me she throws it and squeals. I pick it up and hand it to Aspen to clean off and pull Andie out of her chair, giving her a giant raspberry on her belly before putting her on my hip. She was up most of the night. I heard every scream and even got up to help at one point, but Aspen sent me back to bed. Declan didn’t complain about Andie’s ear-piercing wails but he was definitely grumpy this morning when he had to haul his ass to work at five.
“So? The boyfriend?”
“Don’t call him that. Yet,” I reply. “And he’s working today.”
“He’s not coming to the game?” Aspen asks, her big blue eyes wide.
“He’s been on a boat since five this morning,” I reply. “And has a ton of Cup Day stuff to handle. And if I walk in there holding hands with a dude it will take away from the purpose of the event which is to support the local recovery and treatment center.”
“Makes sense,” Aspen says, but she sounds, and looks, skeptical.
“What?”
“I just… I don’t understand what the two of you are doing,” Aspen says. “He’s living with you. Sleeping in your bed for over a week. And you guys haven’t told anyone else.”
“We’ve told you.”
“Because I live here. I have to know. And I can see it’s going great, which makes me super happy for both of you. I woke up to get Andie one morning and he was coming out of your bedroom, headed to work,” Aspen tells me. “He had the biggest JBF hair I’ve ever seen. I was actually jealous.”
I smile. Yeah, that was the first night he officially moved in. We didn’t sleep much that night and it wasn’t because of Andie’s teething wails. He still hasn’t fucked me, no matter how much I beg. And I’ve begged. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. He likes the tease of it, I think. Plus we both want to be alone, so we’re waiting for a night Aspen and Andie are out.
Aspen snaps her fingers in front of my face and I blink out of the memory. “Your smile right then was illicit. You do that at the game today and people are going to know you’ve got a boner for someone. Mrs. Green will tell everyone it’s Cassidy again and this time she’ll send out wedding invitations.”
“Ha. Ha.” I roll my eyes as she hands me a fresh cup of coffee she must have poured when I was spacing out. It’s in a travel mug because she knows I have to get to the rink sooner rather than later. “Listen, I know there’s a lot going on with the Cup Day and everything, and I hate to throw something more into it, but I want to raise some funds for the Lupus foundation. So I was thinking we do some photo ops for a donation?”
She thinks about it and smiles. “Trying to butter up the in-laws with a good deed.”
“Well, I know it’s their charity of choice and since they’re doing so much to make this day happen, it seems right,” I reply, and sip the coffee. It’s perfect with just the right amount of cream and no sugar. Aspen has been making my coffee forever. “You never told me why you’re dressed so fancy.”
“I have a business thing this morning,” Aspen replies and it’s so vague that the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
“A job? Undercover? Who’s watching Andie? You know you can’t bring her.”
Aspen perfected the bitch-stare when she was in the womb, I swear. She’s been able to make me regret opening my mouth with just a look since she was a toddler. “She’s hanging out with Javi while I do what I need to do. I’m dropping her off at his place right now and he’s taking her to the park. We’ll be at the game before puck drop though.”
“Okay…” I actually have to bite my lip to keep from asking a barrage of overbearing uncle questions. Like, is Javi’s apartment safe for a baby? Does he know how to change her? What to do if she spits up? The way she likes to be burped after a feeding? How hot a bottle needs to be, or not be?
“Javi took an infant emergency care class at the rec center last week so he could babysit her,” Aspen tells me, pulling her daughter from my arms and smiling knowingly because she can read me like a book. “And he’s fed her and cared for her, with my supervision, for weeks. He’s got this. I would never leave her with him if I thought he didn’t, no matter how good he is in bed. And he’s fucking phenomenal.”
“TMI Aspy!” I do not want any details on my sister’s sex life, ever. I head out of the kitchen and through the house to the front door and she follows, grabbing the baby bag on the couch in the living room, and her keys and sunglasses off the front table by mine. I see Declan’s sunglasses there too. The table is new. Well, new to this house. It’s one of Deck’s coveted mid-century pieces. Anything he wanted to bring that I already had - like a coffee table or this hall piece - I took my furniture and stuck in the garage. Aspen is checking out real estate sights casually but I’m pretty sure she wants her own place. As sad as I am to see Andie and her go, I get it. And I can give her the furniture when she pulls the trigger, because the stuff she had when she last lived on her own is utter crap.
I lock the front door and the door to the porch while she walks to her car and straps Andie into her car seat. “See you at the game. Kick some emergency service ass out there.”
I grin. “That sounds so wrong. But yeah, I’ll try.”
I hop in my car and wait for her to pull out of the driveway first. We’ve gotten together a bunch of New England-based professional hockey players to take on a bunch of local firemen and police men. The tickets sold out within a day and we have raffle items like signed jerseys, and I got Pennie to get the Riptide owners to throw in some tickets to games throughout the season. Something they’ve also agreed to do for my Cup Day so I can raffle them off and donate the money to the Lupus foundation. Deck doesn’t know that part yet. He’ll be mildly annoyed I’m springing more stuff on him, but he’ll also be touched it’s for this cause. He has always stressed about Terra’s illness and still does. The same way I stress about Aspen all the time and she’s not even sick.
I hum along with the radio as I drive through town and down to Route One where the rink is located. It feels oddly surreal. It’s a drive I made four or five times a week as a teenager, either with my parents, carpooling with teammate’s parents or on my own when I was old enough. It is still so familiar I can do it in my sleep. Back then I used to do it with a smile on my face, reliving some moment with Declan, and now I’m doing that again. It’s crazy in the best possible way.
