“I owe a lot of money to a hospital in New York because I went in for treatment when I wasn’t working here and not covered by the company insurance.” I try to ignore Abbott. I can feel his stare on me like a laser beam. “And I let Nova keep all the money from the sale of our house because, well, guilt. I don’t regret that but it means all I can afford is the three hundred bucks a month my parents charge for the place up there.”
Robbie follows my hand while I point up to the ceiling. He takes another big bite of ice cream and when he’s swallowed it down, he adds, “Grab a spoon. You need this as much as I do.”
I chuckle but grab two spoons from under the counter and hold one out toward Abbott. He moves over to sit on the stool next to Robbie and we both dig in. After a couple minutes, all that’s left is some whipped cream. Abbott looks over at Robbie. “You really don’t want to move with your parents?”
He shakes his head. “They’re moving to Fort Myers, Florida. Retirement village. It’s been their dream forever and they’ve only been sticking around because I was such a wreck. I don’t want to make them stay any longer than they already have. And I love Maine. I love working here and learning to be a fisherman with Mr. Hawkins. I wouldn’t go even if I could.”
“Well then.” I take a deep breath. I am not a guy who shares my space well. I mean I did with Nova because she was just so easy going. She knew when to give me space and when to keep me company. But now, with my life just coming out of a tailspin and my emotions for Abbott all over the place, the last thing I want is a roommate but… “The solution is you live with me. The second bedroom in the apartment upstairs is small. But it can fit a double bed. It looks over the parking lot, not the ocean, but it’s available if you want it.”
“Or he could take the whole apartment,” Abbott says before Robbie can even answer me. “And you can move in with me, Deck.”
If he’d suddenly grown a unicorn horn and started speaking Portuguese while walking on his hands, I would have been less shocked. “That can’t happen.”
Abbott shrugs innocently. “Why not? I have a five-bedroom house. Aspen and Andie live there already so what’s one more person. And before long I’ll be on the road every second week anyway. So it would be nice to have someone else there to make sure Aspy is okay. I mean, she has Javi and everything, but knowing Aspy, she might screw that up, so yeah. You’d be doing me a favor. And then Robbie gets his own place. You can afford three hundred a month, right?”
Robbie nods, but he looks confused too. Like this is too good to be true. Because it is. No way in hell am I moving in with my ex-secret boyfriend, his sister, and her baby. And wait a minute did he just say… “Aspen has Javi? What the hell does that mean? Like, they’re dating?”
Abbott nods. “Yeah. It’s no longer a secret. And before you ask, no, he’s not half of the equation that made Andie.”
“Does Nova know?”
Abbott shrugs. Robbie puts his spoon down in the dish in front of him. His eyes are filled with a light I haven’t seen in a few weeks. “If I lived above the shop, I would never be late for the morning fishing trip. I wouldn’t need a car, which I also don’t have and can’t afford. And if I’m ever feeling lonely, I’d be one flight of stairs away from this place, which always has someone I know in it.”
Fuck, he looks so damn hopeful. I hate that Abbott just put me in the position of having to burst his bubble. Because there is no fucking way I can live with Abbott. I stand up and grab the empty dish. “Robbie, can you finish the take-out window refills while I talk to Abbott in the back for a minute?”
“Sure thing,” Robbie says and hops off his barstool. I drop the dish in the small sink by the bar and hold open the door to the kitchen for Abbott to walk through. He does, and I follow and when he turns to face me I place my hand flat on his chest and push him backwards, walking with him. I keep pushing and walking until we’re in the break room which is as far from Robbie’s ears as I can get while not leaving the building.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” I hiss.
Abbott laughs. “No. I’m doing Robbie and you a favor. You both need one.”
“How is living with my ex a favor?”
“Because I’m not going to charge you a cent of rent and that means you can pay off your bill to this hospital quicker,” Abbott replies and then his face twists with concern. “Does anyone know about this? That you were in the hospital. Are you okay? Did you… hurt yourself again?”
“You are the number one person in this world I didn’t want to have this conversation with,” I whisper and heave out a heavy breath. “No, I didn’t hurt myself. But I was spiraling and my meds weren’t working as well as I needed them to and so I took pre-emptive measures because I didn’t want to hurt myself.”
“Thank God,” Abbott says and then he steps into me and before I know it, his lips are on mine. It’s a gentle, soft kiss. Not filled with passion or lust, but care. When he breaks it, he wraps his arms tightly around my neck and whispers into my shoulder where he’s buried his head. His beard tickles me in the most spine-tingling way as he talks. “I’m proud of you for getting help. And thank you. Because if something had happened to you, my life would have been over too.”
“That’s it.” I shove him off me and step away. I shove my hands in my hair. Fuck, I need a damn haircut. “Listen, I’m not moving in with you and you’re not allowed to say shit like that to me anymore, okay? We’re over. You’re on camera today telling the entire state you want to connect with an old flame. Stacy and Cheryl and Amanda and every other girl you kissed or even winked at in high school is probably searching for wedding venues right now while they wait by the phone for your call. And that’s cool if that’s how you think you have to play it. But then you don’t get to come in here and pretend that I matter more. I don’t matter enough.”
“Declan, you dipshit. You’re the old flame.”
My mouth snaps shut. I blink. Repeatedly. “What?”
“This is what I was saying earlier.” He sighs and grabs the front of my shirt, pulling me to him in a rough tug. “I never said it was a woman. You and the rest of the town obviously assumed that. It was you, dipshit. I was talking about you. You’re the only flame that’s ever burned for me.”
“But you’re not out.”
“It’s still you.”
“But you can’t say it’s me because you’re not out.”
“I don’t want to come out,” Abbott says quietly and when I go to take a step away from him again, he yanks me back. I reach up to grab his wrist and loosen his grip on my shirt, but he swats my hand away. I scowl. “I just want to live my life. Straight hockey players don’t have to announce they’re straight. I don’t have to announce I’m gay. I’m just going to be who I am and they’ll figure it out. Like when you move in with me. And when you come with me to the airport to get the Cup when it’s my day. They’ll see us holding hands the way all the straight players will be with their girlfriends or wives when they get the Cup and they’ll figure it out. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I mean, itisa big deal. You’re a big deal to me. But to the world we should just be another couple.”
I stare at him. He’s speaking so calmly and with such conviction it’s impossible not to let hope bloom in my best. But can it really be that easy? Is it really what he wants? AmIreally what he wants? Me and all my depression and social anxiety and fuck-ups? He kisses me again, but I barely kiss him back because I’m stuck in my own head. “Say something, dipshit.”
“Stop calling me dipshit.”
