“Yeah.” I pull her into another hug. “Love is scary as all hell. But I can promise you, regret is scarier.”
“If you regret letting Declan go, then fix it,” she says simply. And oh how I fucking wish it was simple.
“I would if I could.”
“Your career excuse is a crutch, Abbott,” Aspen tells me, stepping out of the hug as Andie starts to squirm and coo in her playpen. She walks over and picks her up. “The league has gone on for years about how inclusive they are, so give them a reason to prove it. Or don’t even make a big deal about it, just let it happen and dare people to question it.”
I reach for Andie and take her from Aspen. I kiss Andie’s forehead and smooth the fluffy amber bits of hair she’s grown so far. “Take your own advice and maybe I will too.”
“Asshole,” Aspen laughs.
“So, you going to tell me who her d— biological is?”
“No.”
“Aspen…”
“Tell you what? If you can watch her for the next couple of hours, I’ll tell you,” Aspen says.
“Are you going to go after Javi?” She nods, but her face is a mask of pure terror. I look out the kitchen window. The wind has died down and the rain seems to have let up a bit too. “Drive safely. And be brave, Aspen. I wasn’t and I regret it.”
As she starts for the stairs in a sprint, I call after her. “And I want that name when you get home. I promise no judging.”
* * *
The storm passesand I spend the rest of the night lying on the couch with Andie asleep on my chest while I stare at my phone waiting for an update from Aspen or some kind of message from Declan. The power pops back on at almost eleven and so I get up, carry a sleeping Andie to her crib, and turn off all the lights that had been on. I head back downstairs, and in a moment of desperation I send Declan a text. The exact same one I sent after our very first sexual experience together.
Abbott:Had fun. Hope you did too.
I wonder if he’ll get the reference. I remember sending those exact words as clear as if it was yesterday. I remember the swirling emotions of hope and panic and lust that drove my fingers to type them too. And they’re swirling inside me again but I don’t have to wait as long as I did last time for his answer.
Declan:Good times. Talk tomorrow.
I drift off with a smile on my face, lying on my couch with the phone on my chest and the baby monitor on the coffee table. The next thing I know, Aspen’s hand is shaking my shoulder gently. “Did it go okay?”
“It did. It went great. And I’m fucking petrified but I’m dating Javi Escalara anyway,” she whispers back. And then, before I can even open my eyes, she whispers two more words. “Ronan Green.”
I’m mid-yawn and my jaw locks. My muscles seize. My heart grows cold. My eyes open. Aspen’s face, stone cold serious, swims into focus. “No.”
“Yes,” Aspen replies and then she’s moving, away from me, towards the hall and her foot is on the first stair before I can even stand up. “And you promised no judging.”
“I’m not. I swear I’m not. I don’t care who accidentally donated sperm, she’s perfect and she’s ours. A Barlowe,” I say flatly, and I mean every single word. Although I do want to know more - like what level of drunk she had to be to give that maggot of a human being a shot, but I don’t, because all that matters is we have Andie. “Does he know?”
“He’s an asshole but he’s a smart one,” Aspen replies. She’s halfway up the stairs but she’s stopped moving. “He figured it out. He came to me right after she was born and said he wouldn’t pay child support. Just showed up here one afternoon, about four days after I was home from the hospital, and when I opened the door that’s all he said. ‘I’m not paying for her. I didn’t ask you to get pregnant.’ I told him he wasn’t listed on the birth certificate and I was never going to ask him for help anyway. Like ever. And then he left. Hasn’t spoken to me since.”
I want to kill Ronan Green, but I try to keep that feeling off my face. I smile at my sister reassuringly and she smiles back. “Thank you for saying that, Abbott. That she’s ours and perfect.”
“She is.”
“I know.” Aspen’s eyes are getting glossy again. “Jesus, these post-pregnancy hormones are worse than the pregnancy ones.”
I laugh. “Go to bed. You’ve got a town to stun tomorrow with your wild love life.”
“Don’t remind me.” She climbs the stairs and I start up them behind her.
“You know, if you really wanted to be a good brother, you’d like make out with Declan in front of everyone and then no one would care that I’m dating a younger man who isn’t my baby daddy,” Aspen says, grinning like the devil she is.
“Be careful what you wish for.” I smile, more to myself than her, as I walk into my room and shut the door behind me.
