His smile is nice. He’s got this warm energy. “I’m… I used to be the business manager of my family’s restaurant. Then I moved to Upstate New York for a while and managed some properties up there. Now I’m back in Maine, back in the family business, and I just kind of… help out wherever they need me.”
“What made you leave and then come back?” Gael asks as he leans over to sink his last ball. Luckily, he misses.
“Well… umm… I… my family made me want to come back,” I reply, not wanting to answer the first part of the question. “The carbon copies over there are my younger brothers. The one the size of a skyscraper is basically an adopted brother. And he’s about to marry my only sister.”
“Ah. So you’re a family guy, like me.” Gael smiles again, smooths his hair back from his forehead. I turn away to focus on my shot. He’s good looking. But the thought passes through my brain passively, like it’s a simple fact like zebras having stripes or water being wet. “I have three sisters, and I’m close to all of them.”
I make a perfect bank shot, and the eight ball drops into the side pocket. From a few feet away I hear Jake’s shocked baritone. “Holy shit. He actually won.”
My brothers, who clearly weren’t paying as much attention to their dart game as they were to my lack-of-game, in pool and otherwise, all start to clap. Gael laughs. “I’d ask for a rematch but now that I know we have such a big audience, I’d probably crumble under the pressure.”
He’s charming. Another observation my brain makes, but my heart doesn’t seem to be paying attention. I walk closer to him and fight the urge to both blush and flip my brothers off simultaneously. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
I rest the cue on the side of the table. He looks at it and then at me. He’s almost my height. Maybe an inch… inch and a half shorter. Like Abbott. “Technically because you won, you keep control of the table.”
He moves to hand me his cue, but I shake my head. “It’s okay. We’ve got to get back soon anyway. I’m working the early shift tomorrow morning and Jake and Finn like to surf at daybreak. You and your sister can have the table. It was nice meeting you.”
Gael nods. “You too. And… man, this is cheesy but… I’d love a rematch without an audience. If you’re interested, I could give you my number. Interested in pool… or anything else.”
I open my mouth to turn him down. Because it’s what my heart wants to do. My heart wants to kick and scream and keep throwing a temper tantrum like a cranky toddler because it can’t have what it really wants.Whoit really wants. But my brain… my brain says that I need to let go of my childhood crush and grow up. So I don’t say no thanks. Instead, I find myself pulling my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and handing it to him. “Give me your number.”
He smiles again, quickly punches in his number, and hands the phone back. “Talk to you later then.”
“Looking forward to it, Declan.” I walk away feeling awkward, and I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t want to call him or because everyone, including his sister, is staring at me now without even pretending to hide it.
Joy leaves my brothers to head back to her own and gives me an approving smile as she passes. When I reach Jake, Finn, and Logan they all look like Mom and Dad did after I won my first hundred-meter dash when I was eight. Like I’m adorable and just made them super proud. “If any of you say a single solitary thing, I will move back to New York.”
That just makes all their smiles get broader, but thankfully they keep their traps shut and follow me out the door.
We carpooled together in Logan’s SUV since he was the only one guaranteed not to drink. I watch the turnpike scenery blow by as we head home. Jake and Logan talk about his bachelor party and Finn fiddles relentlessly with the radio. I make the stupid assumption that I’m going to dodge any questions about my time with Gael but just when we exit the turnpike, Logan ruins it. “So, that guy, Gael, was he nice?”
“Yeah.”
“His sister was cool,” Jake observes. “Seemed nice. StrongBah-stanaccent but could hold her own at darts. Said Gael taught her how to play. Did you know he has three other sisters?”
“He mentioned he had a few.”
“Big family, just like you,” Finn notes. “So… you gave him your number?”
“No. I took his.”
“Oh,” Logan sounds more disappointed than shocked.
I let my eyes dart up to the rearview mirror to see him looking back at me. Yeah, he’s definitely disappointed. He knows I’m not going to call him. Finn finally gives up on the radio and drops his head back against the headrest. “So…” he begins, tilting his head to the left to look back at me. “Is he cute?”
“Excuse me?”
“Cute. Like, as in… hot? Is Gael hot? Like, you know, good-looking?”
I want to cuff him on the back of the head, like Ma always threatened to do to us when we were idiots. Jake steps in before I can think of something to say that would convey that violent sentiment. “He was hot. I mean you don’t have to be gay to see it, Finn.”
“Yeah. I know that. Dude was good-looking,” Finn replies like we’re the idiots here. “Great hair. Charming smile. But that means nothing. There’s lots of girls I can say are hot but I don’t want them, you know?”
“So you’re asking if I want him?” I reply, and I know my voice is coming out all tight and bitchy. “Because you think that’s your business? When have I ever asked you, in your entire life, if you wanted a woman?”
Finn’s face contorts and he looks like he suddenly regrets ever being born. He turns his head forward so now I’m glaring at the side of his head, not his face. “Sorry. No. You haven’t. I mean you were never that type of brother. But Logan and Jake and I used to share that shit. And I was just… I don’t know, making small talk? Trying to get a feel for… like who you are now. What you like. I just… Sorry.”
Ah fuck. Why can’t I just have an easy relationship with anyone? Just once. Why do I always fuck everything up? I swear to God… this is why I was convinced the world would be better off without me when I was seventeen. It wasn’t just because I was ashamed of the feelings I had for men. It was also because I’ve never been close to anyone. I’ve always been hard to love and I felt it deeply, but could never fix it. “I know I wasn’t one of the guys growing up. It’s not on purpose. I just don’t share feelings well. Anyway, yeah Gael was hot. But like I said when you suggested this night, I’m not really interested in anything at the moment. I’m kind of cool with just being alone right now.”
