I let out a gust of air at that. It’s like someone has hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer made of pure guilt.
“Jessie, let him hate me,” I urge quietly.
“No. You hate yourself enough for everyone,” Jessie argues back with a frown on her perfectly glossed lips. “Besides, he hasn’t gone through what we’ve gone through. Sure, he saw it, but he didn’t live it, so he doesn’t get to judge how you handle your life.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say.
“But we get to judge it!” Rose adds almost happily. “And we think you’re an idiot.”
“Yeah. I get that,” I tell her and roll my eyes. “You’ve made it perfectly clear. It’s hiswife. She loves him.”
“And you don’t?” Rose questions, eyebrows up.
“I’m not his wife.”
“Look, Callie,” Jessie starts, her voice flipping into a soothing tone. “Whether we think you are an idiot or not doesn’t matter. This is your choice. It’s your life. I can’t make you fall in love any more than I can make you jump out of a plane or off a bridge. And I shouldn’t be trying.”
“She can jump off a bridge. I’ll help her do that,” I hear from somewhere off in the room.
“Jordan! Stop it,” Jessie snaps and I see tears instantly fill her eyes.
“Okay, that’s it.” I sit up straighter on the bed and grab Rose’s laptop in both hands. “Rose, give me a minute. Jessie, please put your fiancé in front of the computer and leave the room.”
“What?” both my sisters question in shock and in stereo.
“Do it.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.” I see Jordan’s midsection float by behind Jessie as he walks by. She tilts her head upward and watches him go by.
“Well, do you want to marry my sister?” I call out loudly. “Because that’s not going to happen unless you talk to me.”
“Oh, so now you’re not happy just ruining my brother’s life? You’ve got to ruin mine too?”
“Jordan! I told you I’m not putting up with this anymore!” Jessie snaps and stands. Now our view through the screen is nothing but both their midsections until Jessie turns, and now it’s just her ass we can see. It’s perky and perfect in a pair of dark jeans.
“Jessie! Just go and let me talk to him!” I holler at the computer and nudge Rose until she almost falls off the bed. She stands up and huffs, but leaves the room.
Jessie turns and bends in front of the computer screen. “I’m sorry for anything and everything he will say to you. I love you.”
I just nod and watch her storm out of the frame. Jordan moves into focus, sitting swiftly at the desk in front of the computer Jessie just vacated.
“Jordan, stop upsetting Jessie,” I say sternly. “After everything you two went through, are you really willing to fuck it all up?Again?”
“She loves me.”
“She loves me too, no matter how much you tell her not to,” I counter flatly.
His normally good-looking face pinches up and he looks furious. He takes a deep breath.
“I know you like people to think you’re a hard-ass bitch, and trust me, I used to believe it,” he tells me and runs a hand through his short blond hair—a typical sign that Jordan is frustrated. “But you’re fucking not. You’re capable of loving someone. You love Jessie and Rose. You love my mom and dad. I think you might even love Luc and me.”
I don’t say anything; I just stare at him through the screen. He’s right: I do love them. All of them.
“Do you love us?” he questions outright.
I sigh. I want to tell him to get bent. I hate sharing my feelings, especially with him. But I really want to make things right with him for Jessie’s sake. “Yes, Big Bird. I love you, all of you. Immensely.”
“And Devin?” he questions, his crystal blue eyes boring into me. “You love Devin?”
