I pick him up and hug him. His red winter coat is so puffy that it feels like hugging a stuffed animal. He gives me a quick peck on the lips and wiggles in my arms. My heart swells and I squeeze him. Past my shoulder he glimpses everyone in the kitchen. “Unkie Jordy! Unkie Lu! Unkie Cole!”
His excited little voice gets everyone’s attention and my family starts spilling into the hall. I put my son down and he runs over and Jordan grabs him and throws him in the air before hugging him.
I glance at Callie as she wanders into the hall with everyone else. Her big brown eyes look apprehensive. I turn back to Ashleigh, who is still standing awkwardly on the front stoop.
“He knew you were coming home today and I just couldn’t keep him away any longer,” Ashleigh explains with a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I should have called.”
“It’s fine. I’m glad to have him, obviously. I missed him a ton,” I reply with a small smile.
She hands me a little suitcase. “This is his stuff for the next couple days. And some gifts from me and my family for him to open on Christmas Day.”
I nod and take it from her. She hugs Conner and tells him she loves him and to be good for Daddy. He promises he will be and asks if she’ll be there when Santa comes.
“No, baby, I’ll be with Pappy and Nana,” she says to him, referring to her parents. “But I’ll see you the very next day.”
“But you’re always here when I open my Santa gifts,” he whines.
“You’ll have Daddy and Grandpa and Grandma and all your unkies and aunties and your friend Callie,” Ashleigh points out, and I feel uncomfortable that she calls Rose and Jessie Conner’s aunties but Callie is just Callie. If only she knew how much more Callie really is. Sheshouldknow.
“I’ll walk you out,” I suggest and shove my feet into what I think are Jordan’s boots at the door. I grab my coat out of the closet and as I meet her on the porch, I glance back and see Callie looking at me nervously. Outside, the air is freezing but the sun is out and glinting off all the piles of pristine white snow. It makes my eyes instantly water. I lift a hand to shield them so I can look at Ashleigh.
“He’ll be fine,” Ashleigh assures me, talking about Conner. “If he really freaks out, just call me and maybe I can come by and hang out for a little bit until he calms down. I don’t want you to have to bring him back to me.”
I nod. “Listen…”
She looks at me intently, waiting, but I have nothing to say. How do I start this conversation? I scratch my head and realize I probably have fuck-me hair from the night before. Callie and I hadn’t been able to stop ourselves the minute we got in the door. We fucked on the stairs, with her riding me. We got to the bedroom and fucked in the shower, doggie style. And then when we finally hit the bed, still damp from the shower, she sucked me off. Half an hour later, just before she succumbed to sleep, I went down on her and made her scream so loud I think she might have woken up the neighbors. Why do I feel guilty? Maybe I should have told Ashleigh about Callie as soon as we decided this was a relationship, but the last four weeks have been perfect and I didn’t want anything to wreck that. I’m fairly certain Ashleigh won’t be happy about this. Not to mention I know Callie is still skittish—I can feel it and see it on her face. She wants me—she wants this—but she’s still terrified. I wanted to keep things smooth and simple.
“Have you talked to Andrew?” I ask, hating the fact that I have to say his name. “Is he here for the holidays?”
She shakes her head. “We’re…not talking right now. I don’t know if I want to work it out.”
“Why?”
She hesitates, biting her thin bottom lip for a second. “The relationship started in lies. I lied to you. I lied to myself. I just…I regret it.”
I swallow. Hard. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I should have tried harder with you. I should have worked at my marriage.”
“Ashleigh…” I sigh. “Yes. You should have. But…you can’t undo what you did. Or where it’s landed us now.”
“I know. But maybe we can move on.”
“I did. I—”
“I mean move ontogether,” she interrupts.
Her blue eyes are hopeful. I feel like I might throw up. She takes my hand in hers. Her fingers are cold. I guess mine are too. I don’t know. I can’t seem to feel my body at this point. I think I may be in shock.
“I don’t want you to answer me. I know you’ll tell me it’s over. It’s because you’re hurt. I did something horrible to you. I get it.” She takes a big breath and purses her lips for a second before carrying on. “But Conner deserves two parents who love each other. We were that. And I still love you, Devin. I know if you let me, I can make you forgive me. I can. Please think about it.”
I open my mouth. I want to speak. I just…can’t. She kisses my cheek, squeezes my hand and disappears down the icy walkway to her car in the driveway.
Chapter 49
Devin
Five hours later, I’ve just flipped on the gas fireplace and am alone in the living room when I hear the front door open and close. I smile and dart out into the front hall. I can’t help but chuckle at how bundled up Callie is as she peels out of her big parka, mitts, scarf and hat. She hears me, turns around and smiles sheepishly. “You know I hate winter here.”
“I know.” I watch her hang her coat.
