“So you don’t like me?”
“Of course I like you. You’re the best.” I shake my head, growing more frustrated. “And because of that I never should have slept with you. And I won’t do it again. I’m not Ashleigh. I don’t want a husband and a picket fence.”
“I don’t want you to be Ashleigh.”
“But you still want a wife,” I argue back, and my chest feels tight. “So we can’t keep having sex. In the end, the orgasms won’t be enough, Devin. And I want to stop this before you start wanting from me what you wanted from Ashleigh, because I can’t do that.”
“You can’t do kids?”
“I could. I will one day. On my own,” I say and smile at the thought. “That’s been my plan since I first learned what the term ‘sperm donor’ meant.”
He stands there motionless for a long minute. I can’t watch him watching me anymore. It makes me feel like shit, so I turn my back and start to pull back the covers.
“Good night, Callie,” he says simply, and by the time I turn back, he’s gone.
Chapter 34
Devin
She’s out on the back deck when I come downstairs at around eleven the next morning. I can see her lying on one of the two loungers on the cedar deck. She’s wrapped in her winter coat, jeans and Uggs and she’s got big dark sunglasses on, a coffee mug in her hand and her laptop on her lap.
I don’t go out and say hello. I don’t know what to say to her. I can’t say what I want to say, which is “What are you so afraid of?” and “We should see where this goes.” I just go about my morning routine pouring my own coffee and poke around for something to eat. So I decide to just stay silent and get out of here and head to the airport early. I’m suddenly grateful for my three-day road trip. As I’m pouring my morning coffee and trying to decide whether to have cereal or toast, I notice the tray of muffins on the stovetop.
“I made them fresh this morning.” Her voice comes from behind me. “Banana nut.”
I nod and sip my coffee. “No work today? And aren’t you cold out there?”
“Night shoot. And I’m trying to force myself to get used to the cold,” she explains. “Have a muffin.”
I want to say no, reject her the only way I can, but I’m hungry and they look really good. I reach over and pop one out of the tin. It’s still warm. I bite in and almost groan. It’s delicious.
“I had no idea you were such a good cook,” I mutter and finally for the first time look up at her.
She smiles, happy with the compliment. “Well, Jessie kept us in line and Rosie kept the house clean, but I kept us fed.”
I think back on her childhood. I don’t know as much about it as Jordan or even Luc because I was drafted around the time their grandma dumped them to go to Florida, but I know it was hard. I know my parents and my brothers really worried about them.
“When do you leave?” she wants to know.
“I have to be at the airport for twelve thirty,” I explain and take another giant bite of the muffin.
“Who are you playing?”
“Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Fran, then home,” I reply.
“Kick their collective asses,” she requests with a smile. As I nod, her eyes fall to my hand holding the muffin. “You’re not wearing your wedding ring anymore.”
I glance down at my bare left hand. There’s a slight tan line where the solid platinum band used to be.
“Yeah. I met a lawyer yesterday,” I reply, trying to sound casual. “He said if Ashleigh doesn’t argue any of my terms, it should be done in a few months.”
She looks surprised. “You didn’t tell me you went to a lawyer.”
I give her a long stare for a second and then shrug as I finish the muffin and sip my coffee. “I was going to, but you went on your date. And then afterward, I got distracted.”
She looks flustered at that. She almost blushes. “Right. I want you to know you can talk to me about that, the lawyer stuff, if you need to. We’re friends. I want to help you through this.”
There’s that word again.Friends. I try not to frown, and remember what she said last night. She didn’t want what I wanted. I should be lucky she’s up front about it now so I don’t actually fall in love with her.
