I know the answer to that: he wasn’t thinking. He hasn’t been thinking for weeks. That means last night was my fault. I should have pulled away. I should have stopped. I should not have given him a goddamned blow job in the shower.
I was just so…frustrated. I was frustrated with the way he was acting and stressed from that fight he’d had with Jordan and having to lie to my sister for as long as I did, and I was sexually frustrated. He had banged a chick before and it hadn’t helped his situation. And of course I was upset that the first chance I got to stop thinking about Devin fucking and start fucking myself, Devin screwed it up. Still, that didn’t give me the right to kick the one-night stand out and become one myself.
Fuck.
The worst part is I know, without the slightest doubt, that if he had followed me out of the shower and into my room, I would have screwed his brains out. That speech I gave—I meant it more than anything, but whether Devin deserved to screw me or not, I wanted him to do it more than I had ever wanted anyone in my life. And when he didn’t follow me, I imagined him there in my bed with me anyway and touched myself until I came.
I groan, pull myself from my bed, traipse to the shower and concentrate on getting ready to meet Jessie for brunch. Every time an image of last night flashes into my brain I struggle to catch my breath and I blush. I decide to walk to Jessie’s hotel. It’s forty-five minutes at a brisk pace, and the fall air is crisp and heavy, like it may rain or even snow, but I need the time to get my head straight. When I get to the Sheraton, where the team had been staying, we grab a cab and I take her to Jimmy’s Café because Devin mentioned it had an amazing all-day breakfast menu. Even on a Thursday, in the middle of the day, it’s pretty packed but we manage to grab a small table toward the back.
“How was he when you got home?” Jessie asks, skipping small talk completely.
“He wasn’t there,” I explain honestly and scan the menu in front of me.
“Where did he go? Is he okay? Did he come home at all?” Jessie goes from concern to panic in a millisecond.
“Don’t you think I would have called you and Jordan if he just completely disappeared?” I ask as the waitress brings us two lattes, a vanilla for Jessie and a caramel for me. “He came home.”
We order with the waitress. I get steak and eggs with a side of grits and an extra side of corn bread. Getting a guy off always leaves me with a big appetite. Jessie orders chicken and waffles with extra gravy. I smirk. Guess she worked up an appetite last night too.
“So did you talk about it?” Jessie asks and I move my gaze to stare at my latte.
“Not really,” I murmur. “It was late. He was drunk.”
“Drunk?” Jessie repeats, horrified. “So he went out and got hammered? Jesus, Callie, he’s off the deep end.”
“Yeah, he was.” I nod and sigh, finally moving my gaze up to meet hers.
Her green eyes bore into me and I know she knows instantly that something is up. Jessie is psychic when it comes to my feelings. It’s scary, annoying and comforting all at the same time. “Something happened. What happened?”
She reaches across the table and grabs my hand. I sigh again and feel a blush creep up my face. Damn. “He came home with another random girl he wanted to hook up with.”
“Another?” Jessie almost gasps. “What do you mean another?”
I nod. “Yeah, it’s happened once before. Only since he found out about Ashleigh and this Andrew dude. Not before. He didn’t cheat on her; she cheated on him.”
“They’re technically still married,” Jessie argues.
“And Jordan was technically dating Hannah when he took your virginity,” I remind her and her lips press together in a thin, discontented line.
“Not exactly the same thing,” Jessie argues softly. “We were kids and not legally attached.”
“It’s a piece of paper,” I remind her. She knows I have never put much value in marriage. After all, our parents were married and it didn’t stop our father from disappearing.
“So you don’t think the random women are a big deal?” she counters.
I shake my head, take a deep breath and try to figure out how to express my thoughts. “They’re not a big deal because he’s still legally married. They’re a big deal because they’re out of character.”
She nods. Her eyes squint slightly for a second like she’s focusing on something but I assume she’s just thinking really hard. I sip my latte and pause the conversation as the waitress brings our meals over.
“I didn’t think anything of the first one,” I tell my sister as I reach for the pepper. “I would do it too, you know? And besides, you should have seen him, Jessie. He looked sick about it afterward.”
I pause to take a bite of my eggs. I’m famished. I take another big bite, chew and continue. Absentmindedly, I push my hair over my shoulder. “But when he kept doing it I realized it was becoming a problem. Like he was forcing himself to be this unemotional fuck machine.”
Jessie wrinkles her nose at that and sighs. “You’re right. That’s not like him.”
I take a bite of my steak. “So last night when he brought home this one instead of dealing with his feelings and what had happened with Jordy, I kicked her out.”
“You did what?” Jessie almost drops her forkful of waffle.
