31
Chloe
I usethe snow brush from my car to clean off his headstone. It’s been a while since I’ve visited. I think about seven months. Someone has been here recently though because snow isn’t as high as it should be. It was probably Denny.
I read the words.Jackson Turner. Loving husband, brother, and son.
I think back to a conversation I had with Jackson the year my mom died. She had been gone almost a year, and my dad was just starting to participate in life again. He went to a beach clean-up day and ran into an old friend. A woman named Gloria who used to do yoga with my mom. She invited him over for a BBQ, which he had thought was a group event but when he got there it was just the two of them. My dad told me that he was surprised but ended up having a really good time. And then he felt so guilty about that, he started ignoring Gloria’s emails and phone calls. When I told Jackson about this, he told me I needed to encourage my dad to see Gloria again. I was shocked. I thought, like my dad, it was too soon for him to be dating or whatever that was. Jackson had said, “Chlo, when I go, I want you to jump right back into it. I don’t care if you’re ninety-six. The whole point of life is love and connection. Denying yourself that means you might as well have died with the person.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about that conversation. It was one of the reasons I pushed myself back into dating. He was right. I knew that then, and I know it now.
“I’m shocked to see you here,” the voice from behind me startles me and I jump and spin around. It’s Denny.
“I come a couple times a year. I don’t intend to stop,” I reply. It’s defensive and he knows it. Denny nods. I place the single rose I brought with me in the tiny metal vase affixed to the headstone and start to back away. “I’ll give you some time.”
“Don’t leave, though okay?” he asks. “I’d like to talk.”
“I had my friend Aspen drop me off. I was going to call Uber Jay for a lift home. He’s our only Uber driver in town,” I reply. “My car wouldn’t start today. It’s been burning oil for a while and finally crapped out.”
I think about the frantic call I had to make to Aspen to get to the hearing. If it wasn’t for her, I would have missed it completely, and I would have been devastated.
“I can drive you home,” Denny tells me. “Just give me a minute.”
He tosses me the keys to his car and I nod and walk over and get into the passenger seat. Ten minutes later, Denny opens the driver’s door and gets in.
“I did some snooping,” he says. “Called in some favors with my friends in the department in Wells to find out more about the crash. Even ended up talking to one of the cops who was on scene that night. He said Logan was so upset when he found out he’d been in the car and someone had died, they thought he might try to hurt himself.”
Denny’s eyes are affixed firmly to the dash in front of him, but it’s clear he’s not actually seeing it. His brain is reliving those awful days of the crash. “He said that there was no way Logan knew Bryan had decided to drive home. There were four different witnesses from the bar that said Logan was passed out cold. The bar’s dishwasher was on a smoke break and watched Bryan drive out of the parking lot with Logan unconscious in the passenger seat.”
“I don’t know why we need to relive this, Denny.”
Denny finally looks at me and sighs. “I needed to hear it from a colleague. Someone who was there. I needed to see his face when he said, without a flicker of doubt, that they did the right thing by not charging Logan.”
“Logan’s life proves that,” I reply. “He saves people for a living. He’s trying to make up for what happened every day of his life. You don’t have to hold him accountable and neither do the police because he holds himself responsible.”
“Do you? Hold him responsible?”
“I don’t,” I say. “In fact, I just came from a hearing where I spoke about what a good person he is so he gets joint custody of his son once and for all.”
Denny doesn’t look angry at that news, so I decide to be completely honest with him. I stare out the windshield at the sun glinting off the pristine white snow. “I am in love with Logan. I’m not going to feel guilty for what my heart wants.”
“I just…I can’t help but wish—”
I don’t let him finish the thought. “I wish it wasn’t complicated either, but it is what it is. And the one thing I know with certainty is Logan is worth pushing past the issues.”
Denny absorbs my words, and I’m waiting for some kind of blow up, but instead, when he looks at me again, his eyes are filled with tears. “I want you to be happy. And I want us to remain friends.”
“Of course!” I reach across and hug him. “You’ll always be my family, Denny.”
He lets go of me and pulls back. The tears are gone and a small smile is starting to bloom on his face. “What are you going to do about Paul? Anything?”
I shrug. “I don’t know what I can do about him.”
“You can sue him,” Denny suggests. “For the money he took.”
I shake my head. “He doesn’t have it anymore, and honestly, that would add so much negativity and drama to my life that I don’t need.”
Denny nods. “I knew you’d say that, so I decided to get you this.”
