I let Chewie out of the car and he runs over to lick Boss on the head. Boss growls but his tail is wagging. Chloe reaches up and adjusts the hat on her head. “I didn’t want you to catch me looking so…frumpy.”
“I’ve seen worse,” I say, ignoring the apprehension in her eyes and walking closer.
“Stop comparing me to your emergency victims,” she giggles softly, and it’s a beautiful sound.
“I was actually comparing you to you,” I reply and wink because I can’t muster a grin. “Last night with the blood and the puke breath was way worse than tonight. Tonight is kinda hot. You’re working this frumpy thing hard. Is that smeared mascara under your eyes?”
“I didn’t have time to take off my make-up. Now I wanna run inside and hide from you forever.”
“That might not be a bad idea,” I mumble as our eyes meet. My words cause a flicker in her playful, light-hearted gaze. I almost regret the comment, but the fact is, I have to be honest with this woman…at least when I can be. “I mean, I don’t want you to. I really liked hanging out with you today. But I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing. Or if I should be doing anything. Not just with you, but with anyone.”
“Welcome to the club,” Chloe replies with a soft, sheepish smile as her smoky eyes follow the dogs who are still chasing each other. “I’ve got a complicated past and a horrible track record with dating since my husband. He was my high school sweetheart so I have no history of dating before him.”
“Today was my first sober date, ever. To be honest, I’ve been okay with that. I’ve really wanted to dedicate my time and energy to River, work and family...”Be honest Logan.“And sobriety. It’s not always easy.”
“The last thing I want to do is make sobriety hard,” Chloe looks horrified at the thought. Stevie wanders over to Chloe’s feet and barks like she’s had enough. Chloe bends to pick her up. “And I assume that your life isn’t getting any easier. Especially if River gets to spend weekends with you.”
“Yeah,” I nod. “That’ll be great, and I want him here as much as possible for as long as possible, but he’s a killer on my personal time and I have to really be present when I’m with him. I mean I want to be, you know? I lost the first year of his life to booze.”
We stare at each other in silence, the only sound is the crunch of snow under Chewie’s paws as he wanders looking for a place to pee. I can see the understanding in her eyes and the spark that was there when we kissed is flickering out like the last flame in a fireplace. I see something else…relief? She really is as unready for this as I am, just like she said.
“Okay. Say no more.” Chloe glances at me and there’s a weird look of acceptance that I don’t like. She thinks I’m trying to distance myself from whatever it is we’ve started and she’s allowing it to happen. “I should go inside. I have to work in the morning and it’s late…and freezing. Boss!”
“Terra mentioned you are re-designing our website on the down-low. Without Declan or anyone’s knowledge,” I say, because I don’t want her to go back into her part of the house. If she does, then this is over. For real. It will be like it never happened.
“She told you?” Chloe blinks when I nod. “Okay. Good. I mean secrets are the worst. Anyway, when you think about it, between that and the fact that I’m your landlord, this is a horrible idea. I think it’s great we get along, but to keep it that way, we should go back to being friends.”
“Friends who accidentally kissed.” It’s a joke but neither of us laugh or even crack a smile because it’s not funny. It’s also not true. There was no accident. I wanted her. I still do.
She calls Boss’ name again, harder this time, and the little black dog begrudgingly leaves my behemoth, his new crush, and trots over to her. The only thing colder than the air around us is the feeling in my chest at the idea that this is going to end before it begins. Even though it would make my life less complicated to let it happen. Even though I may end up breaking her heart or having her break mine…even though I don’t have a clue how to be with someone while this secret is tucked into my soul, eating away at it, I suddenly can’t let her walk away. That feeling I had while kissing her will leave with her and won’t ever come back. So I step in front of her as she turns to make her way up the stairs and into her house. She blinks but won’t look up at me. It’s only Stevie that holds my gaze with her old, cloudy brown eyes.
I pull my hand from my pocket and gently touch her chin and tip her head up. Her eyes, gray and stormy and beautiful, meet mine. Her mouth parts, like she’s going to say something, probably something placating and reassuring, to make me feel like I’m not screwing us both out of happiness. I step half a foot closer. Our bodies are flush, and so are her cheeks, and it has nothing to do with the chill in the night air. “Logan…”
“Fuck it,” I release the words on a sigh. A sigh of surrender. And then I take her mouth with mine. I push my way right into her mouth, which tastes of spearmint toothpaste, and sparks go off like fireworks on the Fourth. My whole body wakes up. She shifts Stevie to the side so the little furball isn’t crushed between our bodies, and her other hand snakes into my hair at the back of my neck, holding me to her like I would ever pull away. I’m in now. Good or bad, like it or not. I am going for this.
We make out like teenagers right there in the inky, cold night for endless minutes. It’s not enough, either. I want so much more from her. I’m suddenly wild with need. Like I was the first few days in rehab. Except what I need is sex. I want to fuck her. Now.
Boss barks and Chewie growls and we break apart to see what the problem is. Chewie never growls. Chloe jumps out of my arms. “Mrs. Green’s porch light came on. Run!”
She darts for her stairs, but I grab her hand and pull her around the side of the house to my apartment door. We’re out of view from Mrs. Green’s intrusive gaze now so I press her against the clapboard siding of the house and cover her mouth with mine again. She responds as eagerly as she did before. But against my lips she whispers, “This is crazy. We’re saying one thing and doing another.”
“I know. But my body and brain have never been friends,” I reply and move my lips down the column of her long, smooth neck. She shivers as I nuzzle into her. “I want you.”
“I want you too,” she admits in a ragged gasp.
Chewie whines, clearly sick of sitting in the snow watching our PG-13 make-out session. I pull away from her. Our eyes lock. “I’m going to go inside and I’m going to pull you with me. If you let me.”
I pull my key from my jacket and open the lock on the front door. I have one hand on the handle, and as I twist it open, I hold out my other one palm up toward her. She’s leaning against the wall still, her head tilted to rest against it. Her eyes, gleaming in the moonlight, look at my hand and back up at me. She holds my gaze as she reaches out and drops her hand in mine.
Boss and Chewie scurry past me into the apartment, and I yank Chloe behind them. I kick the door closed with my boot, shutting out all my doubts and worries with one hard slam.
13
Chloe
This is insane.I am not this girl. Except, right now, I am this girl. She’s the only girl I want to be. The carefree, sexually confident woman who has itches and isn’t afraid to get them scratched by the hottest man she’s seen in…well, maybe ever. I bend to put Stevie on the ground. Boss has followed Chewie into the living room and Stevie wanders off on her own adventure. I stand upright and see Logan dropping his keys on the kitchen counter and reaching for the light. I grab his hand and stop him. Confusion passes over his rugged features in what little light is filtering in through the window above the sink. I don’t want to explain to him that if he makes this room any brighter, I’ll likely chicken out. This new me likes the dark, where I can hide my scars, physical and otherwise. So instead of speaking, I just throw myself at him. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him hard. He invades my mouth again, and his big warm hands cup my ass and pull me even closer.
My whole body cheersYESlike a cheerleader after a touchdown.
