He knows if he turns one of us, he’ll turn Mom and Dad.
I take a long slow breath. “Yeah. I think it’s a good idea. Couldn’t hurt.”
“I’m not exactly against it either,” Finn adds cautiously as he walks to the fridge. “But I don’t want it to look like one of those cheesy ads other family businesses do. With everyone talking too loudly into the camera and kissing babies and wearing cheap Santa suits in their Christmas commercials. None of that bullshit.”
“I second that,” Dad adds. “None of that bullshit.”
“No bullshit or gimmicks or cheesy scripts. I swear,” Declan says and a genuine smile starts to spread across his face. He looks like he did that year he won little league VIP. “Dalton knows that won’t work and he knows that’s not who we are. I’ve been working with them for a month now explaining our brand.”
“Oh God here we go again with the marketing lingo,” Dad rolls his big blue eyes and folds his arms across his chest.
“Not lingo, just fact,” Declan argues and tugs on the lapels of his suit jacket and he stands taller. He always takes Dad’s lack of business savvy as a personal affront. “You and Mom are the brand. Terra and Nova are the brand. Even Finn is a part of his brand with the goofy way he wears Santa hats all damn December behind the counter. That’s why the commercial is based around all of you.”
“And Logan,” Mom adds.
The silence is lengthy and deafening. Every set of eyeballs in the room stare at Declan. His shoulders inch up just the slightest bit, which means he’s bracing for impact. And I realize even before the words leave his mouth that he doesn’t want me in the commercial. “I was thinking it would be best for Logan, and everyone, if he sat it out.” I stand up and Chewie, oblivious to the tension now rocketing around the room, starts to wag his tail and pull himself up. But just as expected, the room erupts in angry voices and Chewie tucks his tail and glues himself to my leg. I bend down and pat him as my family yells at Declan but he can probably feel the tension in my hand so I doubt it eases him.
“I shouldn’t be in it.”
“Why the hell wouldn’t your brother be in it?” Mom hollers.
“I know that Logan has another job, but he’s still part of this business,” Dad tells Declan firmly and then turns to me. “The city can’t fire you for being in the commercial can they?”
I want to lie and say yes because it would be easier than telling him, reminding him, of the truth, but I don’t lie. Ever. About anything. Truth is a key to my sobriety. And sometimes that sucks. “Declan doesn’t care if I get fired. Declan thinks I’ll end up making the family look bad.”
I level a hard glare at my oh so unsupportive big bro and he levels one back that says he doesn’t give a shit what I think. And then he turns to address the family. “We paid that guy’s family two-hundred grand. If that ever comes out, god forbid, whenever anyone sees the commercial all they’ll think about is that. Not our food, just how we paid for silence.”
“Fuck you, Declan,” Finn hisses and Mom gasps.
Terra stands up and points at him across the table. “We are sworn to secrecy so no one does find out. If we can’t let Logan live a normal life, what the hell was the point?”
“We gave that money because that man’s family threatened to sue, even though the cops said Logan was blameless. They’re the monsters here, not us!” Mom’s small hands reach up to finger the small silver cross she wears around her neck twenty-four seven.
“They lost someone they loved as much as you love me,” I reply, and she looks even more anguished. I feel it, deep in my chest, the same way I always do. Not just when we actually talk about it, which is rare, but always. I carry this everywhere. Except…today. With Chloe. I didn’t have this tightness in my chest, and now I feel guilty about that. I run a hand through my hair. “I won’t do the commercial because let’s face it, I’m barely involved in the restaurant anyway. And Declan might be a dick but he also might be right. Don’t yell at Declan for this. It’s my choice.”
I walk to the back door.
“Logan, wait. Don’t do this.” Finn’s tone is pleading, his face filled with anguish.
“Logan is doing what’s right here, and deep down if you all could think about this rationally, you’d see it too,” Declan says quietly and the room erupts.
Everyone starts yelling at him, and he starts yelling back. I don’t wait around to hear it. I’ve heard it all before. None of it matters. I love them, but in the end, I have to live with whatever decision I make here. Just like I have to live with what happened five years ago. Not them.Me.
I grab my jacket off the coat rack and leave. As I walk around the restaurant, Chewie trods along behind me, pausing to mark the snowbank every few feet. Jake is out in front of the restaurant when I reach the parking lot. He has a steaming cup of some kind of caffeinated beverage in his hands. Maybe the mulled wine Nova makes as a specialty drink every December. He gives me a small, sympathetic smile. “Everything alright? I have never heard you guys scream at each other like that.”
I nod. “Yeah well, you know us, change isn’t easy.”
He nods. “You guys do like things tried and true. Same old, same old. That’s why you’re such a staple in the community and a safe haven for outcasts like me.”
Suddenly, Terra comes sprinting around the side of the building wearing Jake’s jacket, running full tilt across the parking lot. Jake’s dark eyes widen. “I don’t know what you did, but Tink looks pissed!”
I unlock the doors and open the back so Chewie can jump in. I climb in the driver’s side and Terra climbs in the passenger side but not before calling out to Jake. “Babe, can you go inside and make sure Finn doesn’t clock Declan? Love you!”
“I’m on it, Tink.”
I watch him jog back into the restaurant. Terra’s brown eyes are laser focused on me. Her mouth is set in a tight line before she speaks. “We’ve talked about this.”
I nod. “We have. But we’ve never once agreed on it.”
