“I’m not alone,” I reply and swing open the door. “I have someone I love who I think loves me. He’s just … I just…”
“Sure, now that you have a good kidney again, I’m sure it’s easy for a guy to date you now,” Tom snaps. “We never would have had problems if you hadn’t gotten sick.”
“I was always sick, you fucking twat waffle,” I hiss, finally done with any crumb of civility I was holding onto. “Bye, Tom. Don’t ever contact me again.”
I jump out and walk away, never looking back.
23
Jake
I watchhim walk right by me for the fourth time tonight without even acknowledging my existence. Keribo and Murphy, who had gone on a Dunkin’ run with him, both greet me as they walk by. Logan, nothing. I’m not the adult I thought I was. This hurts exactly like I thought it would when I was seventeen and scared I’d lose him if I went for their sister. The difference is now I’m angry.
I understand why Lucy looked at me with disappointment yesterday when I walked into the Shack. I know why she wouldn’t talk to me and just shook her head. I understand why Finn told me, “Just fuck off for a minute. I’m kinda pissed at you.” I know why Declan asked me to leave and Nova didn’t stop him. Terra was publicly humiliated because I didn’t tell her the truth. But Logan knows why. He knows what a spot I was in. He understands how I was trying to respect Aspen’s privacy and wishes, how I’d planned on telling Terra as soon as I found out if it was mine. He fucking knew.
And he didn’t stand up for me? And he’s shunning me?
The three of them are halfway up the stairs that lead to the private quarters when I stand up and turn to face him. “You know what Hawkins? Fuck you.”
All three of my co-workers, including Logan, freeze and slowly turn back to face me. I may not be the future captain of this place, but I am a lieutenant, and that is not how I should be talking to any of them. But that broken, little, teenage boy I’ve put on a shelf like an artifact in a museum is back in action, and I can’t seem to help it.
“You two should talk this out,” Murphy says. She’s always been one hell of a smart woman and tells it like it is. If I’d been promoted, I would have recommended her for my lieutenant’s position. “I don’t know exactly what the issue is, but the man just gave your sister an organ, so I’m Team Jake.”
She grabs Keribo by his arm and drags him away, leaving Logan standing alone on the stairs. “You’re really pissed at me?”
“Yeah I am,” I say, my body tense with rage. “You knew my plan. You know the position I’ve been in. And you just let everyone throw me away like I planned this? Like I wanted her to find out this way?”
“That’s not why I’m not talking to you, Maverick,” Logan replies calmly. “I’m pissed off at you because it’s been twenty-four hours since Terra found out and you haven’t talked to her. At all.”
“Because she took off with Tom,” I reply and just saying his name makes acid churn in my gut. “She doesn’t want an explanation or she would have stayed to hear me out.”
“Of course she fucking does,” Logan barks back at me as he storms down the stairs to the counter I’m stuck at for another two weeks of shifts. “She’s Terra. Stubborn as a mule. Completely able to carry the weight of the heaviest emotional baggage in the world unless it’s her own. Then she cowers and turtles and lets it crush her to smithereens.”
He’s right. I know this. I’ve watched her do it time and time again with everything from her lupus diagnosis to the way she cut me off entirely for years after that stupid closet non-kiss. “Tom wants her back.”
“Tom rejected her in her time of need.”
“People make mistakes. I have, obviously. If she can’t forgive him, why should she forgive me?” I ask. “I mean seriously, she hates Aspen so much and she thinks that she’s going to be in my life forever now, bonded by a baby.”
“I heard the baby is okay. Abbott told Declan, but is it yours?” Logan asks.
“No. It’s not, but I still think it would be easier to forgive Tom, if she was going to forgive either of us, and she’d get more out of forgiving him,” I explain what has been rolling around in my head for the last twenty-four completely sleepless hours. I drop back into the chair behind the desk, defeated. “He’s got a good education, a stable job, and he’s from a great family.”
“Hey asshole, you’re from a great family too. Ours.” Logan glares at me with more anger than I’ve seen on his face in a decade. And he always looks angry. “The fucking sick joke of this whole situation is you use every excuse to reject her because you don’t think you’re good enough for her, and all this time she has never felt like she was enough for you. God, you two are a fucking disaster.”
Logan shakes his head, his brown hair rustling so he reaches up and shoves it back off his forehead. He starts for the stairs again as the door to the firehouse opens. It’s almost seven-thirty in the evening. The weather outside is horrendously dark and windy, and so chilly the rain they are predicting may actually turn out to be snow. We don’t usually get walk-ins after sunset, so it pulls both our attention.
Charlie Hawkins is standing there in his flannel jacket and jeans and work boots. Hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders hunched. His favorite Boston Eagles baseball cap covering his salt and pepper hair. His expression is grim. More so than normal and my heart skips a beat. “Is it Terra? Is she okay?’
“Is it Ma?” Logan panics.
Charlie shakes his head and his expression lifts just a little. “Boy, you two sure know how to go from zero to catastrophe in record time. Everyone is fine. I’m here to chat with one of my sons.”
He walks right over to stand at the desk and then he says. “The unofficial one. Jake.”
Logan blinks. The words leave me feeling confused, but my heart is swelling just the same. Charlie gives me a smile. “See you later Logan. Oh and your child, the one with fur, had an accident on your ma’s hand woven rug. She is not impressed.”
“I’ll get Finn to watch him next shift. And I’ll pay for cleaning,” Logan says with a sheepish smile. “See you later, Dad.”
