I sigh. “Last time I was here I ran into Patti Gordon, from Patti’s Parlor, the ice cream place. Who knows who else I’ll see today. I don’t want to be recognized. The more I’m seen at the hospital, the more people will start speculating and gossiping. And if I’m here with you, the talk will turn secret baby or something equally absurd. So do not get out of this car until I am safely inside the building.”
His smile drops like a lead balloon suddenly. “Umm… yeah. Okay. Whatever you want.”
“What is it?” I ask, because something about what I just said changed his whole mood in the blink of an eye. “Are you insulted I don’t want people to think I’m having your secret baby?”
His mood does not lighten. He shifts in his seat. “So, four hours? And you’ll meet me back here?”
I nod. He nods. And then I get out of the car and make my way inside. It’s becoming routine now, and that’s kind of sad when I think about it. I know all the nurses in the Dialysis Center by name and they know me. I could go through the set-up with my eyes closed. I’m twenty minutes into the treatment when Doug, one of the nurses, walks over with a bag and a smile. “Someone very tall, very dark and very handsome walked up to check-in desk and asked me to give this to you.”
“Thank you,” I smile and then focus on the bag as he walks away. I use my arm not full of tubes to reach inside and pull out the contents which is a fleece blanket he clearly got in the gift shop by the maternity wing because it’s a bold pink and has a giant Tinkerbell on it.That little fucker. Why can’t he just be a jerk so I can stop crushing on him?
I smile through the rest of my treatment.
8
Jake
I getto the firehouse an hour before my shift starts as Logan requested. He is on the opposite shift today and he asked if I could swing by to see him before everyone else arrives for the shift change. It’s been a week since I took Terra to dialysis. The family knows I know about her situation now and none of them seem perturbed. In fact they all seemed relieved, even Declan. But no one has flat-out asked me to get tested. To help her. They asked Nova and Javi and they’re talking about asking strangers via Mrs. Green’s gossip site, but they haven’t asked me. I’ve been trying to figure out how to not take that personally. Old Jake would have just run away. Literally. I want to be new Jake on this.
Logan’s stretched out on the couch in the lounge. The TV in the corner is playing some movie I don’t recognize with the sound muted. Despite lying down, he looks anything but relaxed. His jaw is clenched and he’s looking at his phone screen, held up in front of him.
“Hey.” I say as I lean on the archway that separates the long room from the hall.
He moves the phone from in front of his face at the sound of my voice. “Good to see you. Have you been avoiding us? You haven’t been to the restaurant in a few days.”
“No. I’ve been busy setting up my new place. Unpacking.” It’s a half-lie. I’ve been purposely occupying myself with unpacking and new apartment chores so I could avoid going to the restaurant.
Logan sits up as I walk farther into the room. “Thanks for coming in early”
“Honestly, I wanted to talk to you about Terra anyway,” I say and I drop down on the opposite side of the couch. “Thought you could put on your doctor hat and give me the lowdown.”
“It’s half a hat,” Logan gives me a wry smile. “Only finished two years of med school remember?”
“Well I barely passed high school biology, so you win,” I joke. “Why is it the family can’t donate?”
“In order to donate a kidney the blood types have to be compatible. I’m AB. Terra is A neg. Finn is obviously AB too. Twin thing,” Logan explains. “Ma is B positive. Dad is A though but his age and his diabetes make him a no-go. Too risky for both of them. Deck has A blood type too, and good tissue typing, but … the rules around people with mental health issues donating is left up to individual hospitals and Casco Memorial isn’t big on the idea. And then there’s the way Declan tried to kill himself.”
I grimace at the memory. When Declan was in his senior year of high school and the whole family was out of the house, he went into the garage, got in his mom’s car, rolled down the windows, and turned it on with the garbage door closed. He almost succeeded too, but Terra and Aspen decided to skip band practice after school and found him. He spent a month in the hospital and three more in a mental health facility. It was a horrible time for the whole family. Finn and Logan didn’t want to talk about it then, so I just tried to be there for them by covering as many shifts as I could for them at the restaurant. Terra cried when she didn’t think I was around. Lucy spent every waking hour she wasn’t at church with Declan. Charlie looked just plain tortured. Now, as an adult, I know how complicated mental health is but at the time, I remember being confused that Declan would try and throw away a life I would give anything for.
“The carbon monoxide poisoning caused temporary renal failure as well as liver and lung issues and although he’s technically recovered and physically fine, chances are there’s lasting changes to his organs that wouldn’t work for Terra. Better to leave them in Deck,” Logan sighs and scrubs his face with his hand. “We get Nova and Javi’s results today. If Javi matches we have to wait a few months because he has to quit smoking first.”
“Do they need your family medical history or anything like that after you do the tissue testing thing?” I ask and lean forward on my elbows. My eyes examine the tiles on the floor instead of looking at my best friend because I hate talking about my family. “I have no idea what potential illnesses would be in my history. I did one of those DNA kits while I was in King’s Rock. It didn’t identify anything too scary or terminal. And I don’t know if genetics help, but I’m such an ethnic milkshake that I can probably match with anyone. Found out I’m thirty percent Japanese, twenty-five percent Native American, five percent African American and thirty-seven percent Irish and 3 percent Swedish.”
“That thirty-seven percent Irish is probably just from hanging out with us so much,” Logan jokes and I finally look up and am comforted by his smiling face. “But seriously, none of that matters for matching. If you wanted to be tested you could be.”
“I got tested while I waited for her to finish dialysis last week,” I confess. “I’m O blood type—universal donor—so that works. Just waiting on tissue-typing results. I get those any day now but wasn’t sure what comes next and if my sketchy background would somehow rule me out.”
Logan snaps his head up and opens his eyes. He stares straight at me, his expression awe and relief. “You would do that for her?”
“Yes, you fucking wombat. I’d do anything for any of you,” I stand up, annoyed he doesn’t know that. “You guys are my family. I’ve always been all-in, even when I was left out. Your sister means as much to me as you do. Maybe more because she’s always tried to be truthful with me.”
Logan stands up too and before I realize what’s happening, he’s hugging me. I’ve known him since I was fourteen years old and we’ve hugged—for real like this—twice. Once when he got out of rehab and once when River was born. Logan’s voice is thick and low. “Love you, brother. And I’ve never wanted to lie to you. Never.”
“Love you too, bro,” I reply and then gently shove him away. “But we both know that’s semantics. You may not have wanted to, but you have been lying haven’t you?”
Logan looks grim again. Jaw tighter than ever. Blue eyes clouded. “Terra told me what you said to her on the way to dialysis. That I was one of the reasons you left for King’s Rock. She wants me to talk to you about it.”
“You obviously don’t want to, or you would have,” I reply and let out a heavy sigh. “You’ve had ample opportunities when you visited me. You’ve never tried to tell me anything, trust me I’ve looked for signs.”
