She looks up at me with the most savagely broken expression I’ve ever seen. She wipes at her eyes, where tears are hovering. “I don’t want you to see this side of me.”
I cup her face in my hands and dip my head so only she can hear. “Sweet Dixie. I want to see every side of you.”
I hear footsteps behind us and turn my head to see Jude walk into the room. He stops abruptly at the sight of me. Then walks slowly around me and sees Dixie in my arms. She notices him and quickly steps out of our embrace. Jude looks like shit. He has bags under his eyes and emanates exhaustion. I can only hope that means he can’t find the strength to freak out about this.
“He’s awake,” Jude says to his sisters. “And actually kind of chatty, so you should all get in there. Nurse said we could crowd the place for fifteen minutes.”
Winnie and Sadie jump up and beeline for the door. Dixie pauses and turns to stand in front of Jude. Jude gives her a small smile. “Go see Dad. I’m sure I’ll find something to talk about with my goalie.”
Dixie hesitates but leaves, grabbing a latte from the abandoned tray on the chair and following after her sisters. Jude and I are standing there in the middle of the room staring at each other. I walk over and pick up the tray of coffee. “Mocha? Pumpkin spice? I brought an herbal tea for Zoey too.”
“I sent her home to rest,” he replies and reaches for a mocha. “I’ll bring my mom the herbal tea, though, when Dixie comes back.”
I nod, and as he moves to a chair and sits down, I do too. He sips the mocha. “Thanks for this. And thanks for being here for Dixie. Not sure how you managed that, because Coach hates when we take time away.”
“Levi told him I needed to deal with a family thing,” I explain and try to lean back and not look so nervous. Talking around the real topic here is stressing me out. “We won last night, so that might make Coach feel better about it.”
“You didn’t just win. You got a shut-out,” Jude remarks. “Your first in the NHL. It’s a big deal.”
I nod. It is a big deal, especially with the way I’ve been playing since I got here. “Things are back on track for me, and a big reason why is your sister,” I tell him. “Dixie’s brutal honesty about my issues helped me face them.”
He grins at that. “She’s nothing if not brutally honest.” He pauses and sips more of his mocha and then sighs. “Which is why it’s hard for me to know she’s lying about you to everyone and she’s going to have to keep doing it.”
“I get the feeling you knew about this,” I can’t help but say, because although I didn’t expect him to punch me or anything, I expected a lot more shock and dismay than he’s showing.
He shrugs his broad shoulders. “I had a feeling. But I was hoping I was wrong.”
Ouch.
“This is serious to me,” I tell him, trying to curb whatever doubt he has. “I don’t know how it can work, but I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”
“It can’t work,” Jude replies quietly and with pure empathy on his face. “Not without carnage. That’s why I was hoping I was wrong.”
“I can request a trade. If I’m not on the team, she’s not violating anything.”
Jude nods at that but once again doesn’t look impressed. “Because a long-distance relationship is so much better than a secret one? The closest NHL teams are Seattle and San Diego, and their goalies aren’t going anywhere. You could end up somewhere on the East Coast, and you’ll both be miserable, and she’ll end up quitting to move to wherever you are anyway.”
I frown. It’s not that I hadn’t thought of that. I’d just ignored it. Now I have to face it and the other problem with my plan. “I wouldn’t want her to leave her family anyway.”
Jude stares at the lid on his mocha for almost a minute, and when he looks up something about his expression has changed. He’s not guarded, and his forehead isn’t creased with dismay like it seemed to be before. His eyes hold something warmer now, acceptance and even approval. He leans forward, elbows on his knees. “She’s dealing with a lot right now, and change and chaos are the type of things that scare her the most. More pressure will push her away.”
“And I’m working through PTSD and fighting for a real contract in this league,” I assure him, meeting his eye so he knows I mean it. “The timing is a bitch.”
“Timing is everything,” Jude replies, and then he pauses and shrugs. “Until it’s nothing.”
“What does that even mean?” I’m baffled. This is the guy whose greatest depth of knowledge used to be knowing which condoms felt the least like condoms.
“It means maybe it’s not the right time for you two,” he explains. “But maybe the fact that being together will fuck everything up means it is the perfect time. Maybe things need to get fucked up. I’ve never felt Dixie was really one hundred percent happy with the Thunder. She seemed to be trying to prove a point and impress our dad, which she loves to do. But I think there’s more she needs from a career.”
I wonder if he’s right. I feel bad that I kind of hope he is. “Well, she has to come to that revelation on her own, I guess. Just don’t tell anyone about this, okay? Me and her.”
“Dude, you don’t have to tell me not to rat out my sister.” Jude laughs. “Just do me a favor and figure out your own shit so that when she gets out of her own way, you’ll be ready for her and I won’t have to kick your ass or anything.”
I smile at that. “I’m working on it.”
Jude smiles. “Good. Oh, and fair warning, this whole family tends to overshare and say things they shouldn’t, so I hope you can handle it. That summer Levi lived with us there were more than a few times someone said something that you could tell made him want to die of embarrassment.”
“I’d rather have a family that’s over-the-top than one that’s emotionally constipated like mine,” I reply, and Jude nods. He knows what Levi and I grew up with and how we both still struggle with our parents’ uptight, judgmental personalities.
