Without speaking I step into the hall and wait while she locks her apartment. My phone buzzes again, and again I send it to voicemail and shove it in my jacket pocket. Once she’s locked the door she turns and brushes by me, scurrying down the stairs without even looking up to see if I’m following. It takes me a minute, because I’m so stunned, but I follow, making it out to the sidewalk a second before the door to her building shuts in my face. She’s already several feet up the street.
“Dixie!” My voice sounds raw and anguished.
She waves without turning around. “Have a safe flight! Knock ’em dead out there, Casco.”
She picks up her pace and makes it to the corner just as a trolley is stopping. She hops on, and in the faint morning light I watch the trolley take her away from me.
I walk back toward Levi’s place, which is too far to be walking to, but I don’t care. I don’t feel like being in an Uber or cab right now. I just want to stumble along, trying to get a grip on everything. For the hundredth time I think this is not how I thought it would be.
My phone rings and this time I pull it out. It’s Levi, just like the call log says it was the last two times. I sigh heavily and force my voice to sound upbeat. “Hey! Need a goalie?”
“Yes, I do. And I’m so proud it’s you, Elijah,” he says. I know this means almost as much to him as it does to me. He’s been my biggest fan, my biggest support and my biggest inspiration. “Tessa says you aren’t at home. You spend the night with your Julie girl?”
Right. The fake name. I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
“Hope she gave you a good luck blow job before you left.” He laughs at that and doesn’t notice that I don’t. “So you going to keep seeing her now that you’re going to be local?”
“Nah.” I have to force the word from my mouth, like it’s a piece of food lodged in my throat.
“Oh.” He sounds a little surprised. God, may he still hate talking about feelings because I’m not sharing these. “Well, it’s probably best if you focus on the game anyway. It’s a tough time to come into the season. Helping us make the playoffs is going to take all your energy and attention.”
“Yeah.” I pause on a corner waiting for the light to change. “You’re right.”
“Everything okay, Eli?” he asks. He’s gotten more intuitive since settling down with Tessa, unfortunately.
“Yeah. Of course. I’m just…It’s a lot,” I mumble and cross the street when the light changes. “I have to call an Uber and get my ass back to your house and pack.”
“Okay. I’ll let you go. See you in a few,” Levi says. “Eli, this is going to be fucking great.”
“It will be,” I say with conviction because it has to be. If I’m giving her up it has to be.
12
Dixie
I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m not sobbing or anything, but from the moment I jumped on the trolley and left him on the sidewalk, tears kept randomly slipping from my eyeballs. It’s ridiculous. I knew exactly what was going to happen. Sure, I didn’t expect it to happen this soon, but it was going to happen. I’ve only spent thirty-six hours with him, technically only the last twelve in the relationship zone, and yet I feel heartbroken. I broke up with my college boyfriend of a year and a half with less ache in my chest. Seriously, I’m insane. It’s probably a great thing it ended before it began because I was way too invested, clearly.
The tears stop before I get to the office, thankfully. Not that anyone will be there besides the security team, but still. I flash my pass at the guard sitting behind the large marble desk in the lobby. He hits a button and the door buzzes and I pull it open. “Working on a Sunday, huh?”
“Hockey never sleeps,” I quip and smile, but it feels forced. He doesn’t care and neither do I. He just nods as I make my way to the elevator bank.
I’m a selfish idiot for being this depressed. It’s very hard to even get drafted in the NHL. I remember when Jude was in high school he told me like 0.16 percent of all teenagers who play hockey would actually make it to the NHL. And now Elijah Casco is one of them. This is amazing. It’s incredible. But it still hurts like hell.
Last night was the biggest mistake of my life. I let him lull me into this false sense of confidence that we could somehow keep this going. Ugh. I knew better, but I let it happen anyway. Because I’ve never felt such a strong connection to someone before.
I push open the glass door that leads to my department and make my way over to my desk. It’s not as weird as I thought it would be, being here all by myself. It’s actually kind of calming. I’m glad I opted to come in rather than work on this at home. I could have done it on my laptop, but I needed to get out of there. Even if I had somehow convinced Eli to go without leaving myself, the whole apartment smelled like him and everything in the place was a memory of our thirty-six-hour lovefest. I had to get away from that.
I drop into my chair and start up my computer. Forty minutes later I’ve drafted the press release and sorted through the interview requests that have already come in and listed them in order of priority. I send my draft to Ann for a quick once-over, and as I wait for her response I pull out my phone and find myself looking at the last half-naked selfie Eli sent me back when he was in Sacramento. It was hard to have these pictures in my memory and remain professional when I saw him at the event this weekend. How the hell am I going to do that now that he actually means something to me?
My phone buzzes in my hand, startling me so badly I almost drop it. Fumbling, I see Jude’s name and number pop up on my screen. I hit Answer. “Hey, Jude.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks instantly. “You didn’t sing that. You always—annoyingly—sing my name when you put a ‘hey’ in front of it.”
“Nothing is wrong. I’m just busy. Working,” I explain and swivel my chair around so I’m facing the window. The sun is filtering in and it warms my skin. I hadn’t realized I was chilled, but I guess I am because it feels damn good. God, I wish I were on a beach somewhere. “I’m writing up the press releases about Noah’s injury and Eli being called up permanently.”
“They assigned that to you? I thought your boss handled the big announcements,” he says.
“She wants me to handle this one,” I explain.
