“Where to first?” Maddie questions as we pass through security. “The lounge? The visitors’ room to see your brother? Or should we sneak in a pregame good luck kiss with the home team?”
“You want to kiss the whole team?” I kid, and give her a wink. “Make sure you use Listerine after Larue. God knows where he’s been.”
She laughs and gives me a playful shove. I know she wants to go see Ty, but I suddenly feel like avoiding Avery. He’s got a whole bunch of pregame rituals and superstitions, and I don’t want to throw those off. Plus, I’ll probably blurt out something about the Instagram and I’m one hundred percent certain that a confrontation with your girlfriend about your ex is bad luck before a game.
“You go see Ty and I’ll go find Seb,” I suggest. She hesitates. “You know how Avery is about his pregame rituals. I don’t want to throw him off.”
She finally shrugs and turns left down the tunnel toward the Saints’ facilities while I turn right toward the visitors’ facilities. It doesn’t take much to find Sebastian. He’s standing in the hall in workout shorts and a blue Winterhawks T-shirt chugging a Gatorade. The green one, which is his favorite. I smile automatically at the sight of him and a flood of warm, happy feelings fills me up. I love my brother and I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him standing there.
He hears the click of my high-heeled boots on the concrete and looks up. As the Gatorade bottle leaves his lips, it’s replaced with a wide, happy grin.“Bonjour, soeur geante. Mon dieu, tu es tellement beau ce soir!”He opens his arms and pulls me into a bear hug. “It’s not cool to wear yoga pants and sweatshirts to games in California?”
Right. I never dressed up when I went to games in Seattle. In fact, one time I honestly considered wearing my pajama pants but thought that might be pushing it. I’m not exactly in a prom dress or anything tonight, but I’m wearing a pair of nice jeans and a sexy shirt and my hair is styled and I’ve got on more makeup than I wore to work today.
“Yeah. It’s a scene here, like everything. I have to keep up,” I snark, and tickle his side briefly. He squirms away. I’ve been doing it since he was six. It’s ridiculous because now he’s this big, tough hockey goon who is reduced to a giggle fit if you run your fingers over his ribs.
“Seriously, Steph, you look great,” Seb tells me. He tries to ruffle my hair, but I duck. “California must agree with you.”
“I think it does.” This thing with Avery is icing on the cake, but even before him I was enjoying my life. A lot. “How’s Seattle?”
“Good.” He smiles. “I mean the team is weird without Avery. But Dix is a good captain. And we’re smoking Avery in the standings, so that’s fun.”
I roll my eyes but grin. “You’re such a competitive jerk. As always.”
“Hey! Stephanie!” I see Jordan Garrison standing in the doorway to the locker room. He’s in workout shorts, too, but he’s shirtless. His blue eyes sweep over me, totally checking me out, but it’s innocent. He’s smiling at me with his usual friendly lopsided grin that causes a dimple in his cheek. “You’re looking good, Steph!”
“Hey! You’re married,” Sebastian barks at his teammate and friend.
Jordan shrugs, still smiling as he jokes. “Weddings don’t make you blind, Seb. You’ll figure that out soon enough. I’m not hitting on her, just noting a fact.”
“No noting anything about my sister. Siblings are not notable!” he replies sharply. I want to think he’s kidding because he’s kind of smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, which makes me think there’s a pinch of truth in there.
“If that were true, then Dev and I wouldn’t be married to sisters like a bunch of hillbillies,” Jordan retorts, and both Seb and I can’t help but grin at that. Jordan’s older brother Devin married Jessie’s younger sister, Callie. “Anyway, nice seeing you, Steph. Jessie told me to give you a hug if I saw you, but I’ll skip it now, thanks to the threats. Seb, we gotta get dressed.”
Seb nods at Jordan and then turns and reaches out for another hug. I squeeze him extra hard. “What was that Jordy said about you finding out about marriage soon enough?”
“I made the mistake of mentioning to him that I know I’m going to marry Shay,” he explains simply, like he’s telling me something as mundane as his weekend plans or favorite movie or something.
I pull back from the hug and stare at him, my hands gripping his shoulders. “Are you kidding me? You’re going to ask her to marry you? And you told Jordan but not me?”
He looks confused by my complete and utter shock. He laughs and unhinges my hands from his body. “Steph, to be fair, I would have told you, but you either avoid my calls or cut them short lately,” he explains with a judgmental gleam to his blue eyes. “And it’s not like I have anything decided. I just started looking at rings and I’m thinking I’ll ask her to move in with me first.”
I’m hit with another wave of love for him. He’s not just a great brother; he’s a great man. He hasn’t made the giant, irredeemable mistakes I have, so he deserves to be happy. I feel my eyes flood with tears so abruptly I can’t fight them. Sebastian looks suddenly terrified. He grabs my hand.
“Hey!Pourquoi tu pleures?!” he asks, his deep voice sinking lower with concern.
I shake my head and squeeze his hand before letting go and stepping back. “Don’t worry. They’re happy tears. I love Shayne. She’s perfect for you, and I’m happy. For you. I am. It’s so great! Now go. Get ready. I’ll see you after the game.”
I turn and stride down the hall as fast as I can. When I round the curve in the hall, I slip into the women’s bathroom to grab a paper towel and dab at my eyes, trying to save my makeup. I take some deep breaths, and for the first time in a long time, I realize I need to go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Those weren’t tears of joy for my brother. Of course I was genuinely happy for Seb, but the tears sprung at the thought that he was worthy of love and I wasn’t.
I decide I’ll go to a meeting tomorrow night. It’s not because I feel like I want to use again; it’s because I realize that I’m starting to feel like that damaged, unworthy teenager again. The one who tried to numb her feelings of inadequacy with pills. The one who feels like she’ll never be loved. The one who isn’t good enough to be the girlfriend of the star of the National Hockey League.
Chapter 24
Avery
We’re losing. I am really getting fucking sick of losing, especially against my former team. Again. I know I’m scowling as I skate to the bench. I know the fucking television cameras will pick it up and the fucking commentators will talk about it and then the fucking reporters will ask me fucking stupid questions like, “You seemed very tense out there. Was it because the team is still struggling to score?” And I’ll have to give some carefully crafted, passive answer when all I want to do is yell, “YES! I hate being on a team that perpetually sucks!”
“Easy, boss. It’s only two goals. We can make that up,” Ty says as I drop down beside him. Clearly my expression is as pissy as I think it is. “Fuck, you and I can make that up without these chuckleheads.”
