“Good.” Her admission is better than an overtime goal during play-offs. I lean in to kiss her again, but she pulls back.
“But let’s just…keep this to ourselves for now.”
What?I loosen my grip on her waist. She scrapes her fingernails against my scalp and pulls me in for a hug. “I just…it’s so new and you know as soon as we make it public it becomes this…thing that’s bigger than us. The media will ask questions; your dad will have opinions. Seb will try to check you through the boards.”
She smiles at that last comment, but she’s probably not totally kidding. Still, I’m more than willing to risk a few hard hits by her overprotective brother. Besides, I hate hiding things. I’ve done it before. Every one-night stand has been in secret while other players flaunt them. I don’t want to do that with Steph, which is why I was honest with my father.
The look on my face must show my dislike for what she’s suggesting, because she suddenly seems desperate. “I just want to enjoy this. Quietly. For a little bit.” She kisses my neck and then my cheek. Her hands start slipping down my spine, to my lower back and then to my ass. As she grips my ass, the front of my pants gets tight and any thoughts, other than ones about getting her naked, fall right out of my head.
Chapter 23
Stephanie
It’s raining when I step out onto Avery’s porch. Maddie is standing there holding two umbrellas. She hands me one while I hand her one of the lattes in my hand. Avery went for a run this morning in this drizzle and he brought back three lattes, knowing that Maddie would be driving me to work because of the rain.
She takes a long sip of her latte as I open the umbrella. She’s smiling at me, brighter than the nonexistent sun, while we scurry down the steps to her car, which is parked out front at the curb. Once we’re tucked away inside and fastening our seat belts, she turns to me with a wide grin.
“How are you? I haven’t seen you in, like, a week,” she says as she starts the car.
“You see me every day at work,” I remind her, even though I know exactly what she’s talking about.
I haven’t slept at home all week. The Saints are on an extended home game run, which means Avery’s been here for five days straight and I’ve been in his bed for five nights straight. That ends after tonight, unfortunately. They’re off to San Francisco tomorrow morning.
“Okay, coworker Maddie has seen you a ton, but roommate Maddie barely remembers what you look like.” She pauses before putting the car in drive and gives me a dramatic once-over with her big blue eyes. I squirm under her scrutiny. “And you know what? You’re lucky I even recognize you. You look different. You look…happy and glowing in…in love!”
“Oh, my God, stop!” I wave my hand in her general direction. “You’re being silly.”
“So you don’t love him?” Maddie asks, and cocks a manicured eyebrow.
“We’ve only been dating for like a week,” I mutter, and point at the clock on her dash. “Drive or we’ll be late.”
“It’s raining in SoCal; everyone is going to be late. They treat water from the sky like it’s an apocalypse,” Maddie quips, but she’s not kidding. It doesn’t rain here often. In fact, it’s probably only rained three times in the last six months. But when it does rain here, everyone forgets how to drive and the freeways become a bumper car ride from an amusement park. They say it’s because the oil from cars is baked into the pavement and the water brings it to the surface and makes the roads slippery. I say it’s because people are idiots.
Maddie pulls away from the curb, but she’s not letting the conversation about me and Avery go. “I know you guys are trying to keep it low key, but everyone at the game tonight is going to know what’s going on just by looking at you.”
“That’s not true.”
She laughs. “Totally true. He looks at you like you’re edible, and he never looks at anything like that, not even the Stanley Cup. You know how the media likes to linger after games, even after they’ve gotten their interviews. They’re totes going to know you two are in love.”
“Stop saying that!”
She stops laughing and her smile gets sober. “So are you going to tell me what scares you more? Admitting to yourself that you’re in love with Avery Westwood or admitting to the rest of the world you’re dating him? ’Cause I can’t tell which it is, and that’s just plain weird.”
I swallow too big a gulp of my piping hot latte and burn the roof of my mouth. I curse and then sigh and glance at Maddie who, thankfully, is focused on the road and not the look of terror on my face.
The truth is, I am kind of completely terrified by both prospects. Avery and I have been in a very nice bubble all week. He goes to practice and games; I go to work, come home and do my schoolwork, and then I cross the porch to his place and we take off all our clothes and have sex until the sun comes up. It’s a simple, highly pleasurable little bubble. But tonight, it will most likely burst. I’m going to the game with Maddie and they’re playing the Winterhawks again.
The good thing about Sebastian playing for a West Coast team means I still see him a lot. That had been a pro when I first decided to take the job transfer, but now it feels like a bit of a con. I still wanted to see Seb, but I don’t want him to see me—with Avery. He’ll be worried and probably mad at me for starting things with Avery without telling him about my past. And he has every right to judge me for that. Even I know it isn’t a smart move.
I know I’ll have to tell Avery soon, but I’m going to delay it as long as possible. I feel like the more time together living in the present without the past, the better this will turn out. Avery will see who I am now—really see—and know without a doubt I am not that broken girl who messed up her life over pills. The worst thing in the world to see is the doubt on someone’s face when you tell them, “I’m clean now.” My mother still looks at me with that doubt, which is why I don’t see her much.
I have yet to fully convince myself Avery won’t feel the same way now about my issues that he felt about his friend Trey’s issues. Well, except they weren’t issues anymore. I haven’t touched a prescription drug—or any drug, not even Advil—for more than five years. Maybe that will be enough for Avery. After all, he is more than willing to be friends with clean and sober Trey, so he might be more than willing to fall in…to be in a relationship with someone who is too. I think he really likes me, and I really like him.
“Hello! Earth to lovebird! Answer my question already!”
I sip my latte again, more cautiously this time, as she eases toward downtown San Diego, braking every couple of seconds due to the congestion caused by the rain. I take a couple deep, cleansing breaths I learned from my brother’s girlfriend, Shayne, who is a yoga instructor and now learning transcendental meditation and keeps sending me how-to YouTube videos.
“I’m worried about people finding out about us,” I admit. “I’m worried about the viciousness of puck bunnies and the intrusiveness of the media, and I’m worried I’ll screw up Avery’s image and the brand his father has worked so hard to build.”
