“A man who thinks it’s okay to make out with his former teammate’s wife at his own jersey retirement ceremony,” I reply and watch Chooch’s jaw drop. But it’s weird because even though he looks fittingly shocked, Chooch’s eyes don’t seem to be focused on me. They’re looking past me.
I turn and see Shay standing in the open locker room door.
“What did you just say?” Her voice is low and serious and it settles over the entire room, covering it in an ominous silence as the few remaining players glance up.
“You’re not supposed to be in here.”
It’s the truth. Family and friends aren’t allowed in the locker room. But it’s the worst possible thing I could say. She’s staring at me with such intensity, such hurt and anger and pain that I just…panic. After the words leave my mouth she lifts the lanyard with her VIP pass from around her neck and says, “You couldn’t be more right. I knew I was never supposed to be here.”
And then she drops the pass on the locker room floor and disappears.
Chapter 41
Shayne
I make it all the way to the parking lot before I realize that I don’t want to drive his car home. If I drive his car home, I’ll have to see him again when he comes to pick it up. And I don’t want to see him again. Not now. Maybe never.
I can hear him behind me so I turn, ready to give him the key, but he starts talking before I can. “What was I supposed to do, Shay? How was I supposed to tell you?”
“You know how you tell me? You just do. You tell me. It doesn’t matter when or how, just say it,” I explain angrily. “Or do you condone his behavior? Are you following the old boys’ code? Covering it up because that’s what hockey brothers do.”
He looks like I just stabbed him. “Of course I fucking don’t. Jesus, Shay, can’t you figure that out by now?”
“The only thing I’ve figured out is we jumped into this ass backwards and way too fast,” I blurt out, and the scary part is I kind of mean it. Ever since I met Sebastian, everything I’ve done has been completely out of character. And the exhilaration of that has suddenly and completely melted into regret. I jumped out of the plane and now I’m realizing my chute might not open.
He says something in French under his breath. I think it’s a swear word. “Shay, I saw him kissing a woman once.”
“At the jersey retirement.”
He nods. “Right after you had rejected meagain. And then when you stopped rejecting me, I was scared that telling you would change that.”
I press the palm of my hand into my forehead and close my eyes. “Not telling me changes that. Protecting his cheating does that.”
When I open my eyes, he’s taken a step closer to me. “Shayne. You’re making this a bigger deal than it is. I don’t condone what he’s doing, and I would never do this to you. Or anyone. Ever. So don’t try and make this about us.”
We’re right in front of each other now. Other people are in the parking lot too. Chris Dixon and his wife and kids are walking to their car. Jordan and Jessie are walking hand in hand toward their car. Sebastian watches them go and the turns to me. “Jordan and Jessie are in love.”
“I know.”
“It’s real, and it started with an undeniable connection, that they just couldn’t break no matter how hard they tried. And, trust me, they tried,” Sebastian tells me, and his baby blue eyes turn pleading. “Tell me you don’t feel that kind of connection between us?”
I struggle to pull air into my lungs because suddenly breathing is impossible. I don’t answer him, exactly. “I need to be able to trust the person I am with, and after tonight…”
“This is bullshit,” he says harshly. “You’ve been looking for a way to talk yourself out of this since I talked you into it. And you know what? I’m going to let you this time.”
He lifts his eyes and gives me a look I’ve never seen on his face before—defeat.
“I didn’t tell you what I saw your dad doing. I should have. I wanted to, but that isn’t enough for you.” He shakes his head and shoves his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. “So that’s it. This was always some sort of competition, I guess. I just never expected to lose.”
My emotions are doing a one eighty. All that anger and regret I felt minutes ago is now confusion and fear—and loss. I’ve lost him. Oh God, is that what I really wanted? Because suddenly, now that it’s real, it’s not. It’s not at all.
“Sebastian…”
“Look, take the car home.” He takes my hand and drops the key back into it. For the first time ever his touch is abrupt. “I drove the Aston here anyway. I’ll pick it up from you in a few days or send Chooch to get it or something.”
He turns and heads back toward the arena doors. I see Chooch standing there awkwardly, waiting for him. I want to stop him but I can’t. I know that it’s over. I can feel it in my bones, and the pain is literally immobilizing. So I stand there, his car key dangling from my hand, and watch him drive away.
Chapter 42
