Victoria:I miss you.
Mathew scowledat the messages that came in quick succession. Victoria knew him better than anyone. And there was something about those messages that tugged at a part of him he’d thought had been dormant. Playing the “what if” game wouldn’t do either of them any good. Mathew deleted the messages and put his phone away. Tomorrow was a new day. He’d do better.
For River.
20
RIVER
First Emerson.
Then Mathew.
Was it weird that her skin was crawling?
River woke up fidgety, even though she’d ended the night on a good note with Mathew. She’d forgiven him. And she’d meant it. But that didn’t erase the fact that she’d been hit with old memories that made her feel small and insignificant.
Mathew cared about her. That’s what she had to keep telling herself. Even as she’d been fighting the tears. She should have been grateful that he’d stopped by to talk to her in person.
In fact, she was absolutely grateful because it meant she’d been able to wake up without worrying about him. It had been harder than she’d wanted to admit—the not knowing.
River took in a deep breath and closed her eyes to center herself before getting back to work on Lily’s truck. It had required more than an oil change. It needed a top-off of otherfluids and the tires rotated. Since River was working on her own, it took a little more time.
She hadn’t seen Emerson since their argument. It was ironic that his absence was hitting her hard today since she hadn’t been hanging out with him as much lately. One day of everything feeling off was enough to make her want nothing more than to have someone to talk to.
He walked past the door of the hangar, but he didn’t stop to speak to her. River nearly went after him to apologize for what she’d said but thought better of it. If she talked to him, then she’d end up telling him about last night and the last thing she needed was to have her friend tell her he’d been right.
Grunting, she yanked off a tire and rolled it toward the back of the truck. It used to be easier to get lost in her work. Now, she couldn’t stop thinking about the people in her life and whether she was at risk of losing them.
A wave of nausea threatened to overtake her, all because of this new onslaught of anxiety. At least she’d be able to spend time with Mathew this weekend. He had to work a shift every night this week, but on Saturday, he was only on call. That meant hanging out at one of their apartments.
Drawing a small amount of peace from that knowledge, she kept working. Mathew would call her on his break. They’d get back into their routine again and everything would turn out okay.
Only she couldn’t be more wrong.
“What do you mean you have to work a double shift?” River hated the edge in her voice. She paced in front of the truck and chewed on her thumbnail as she spoke to Mathew on the phone. “You’ve already put in extra hours this week. Saturday was supposed to be on call. I thought we’d be able to spend at least a little time together.”
“That’s what on call means, though. I’m supposed to be available if they need me.”
She closed her eyes. “Iknowthat. I just thought…” River bit back a groan of frustration. “Never mind. I understand.”
“River—”
“No, it’s fine. This is part of your job. I know you’re not taking on extra shifts just because.”
“Do you?”
Her spine went ramrod straight at his question. He’d asked it with a gentle voice, but the undercurrent of the question made her uncomfortable. Mathew didn’t trust her to tell him the truth. That was what he was suggesting. Or he was getting irritated with her clingy behavior. Either way, she hated it. “Of course I do.”
“I can try to find someone to take the second shift,” he offered. “But I can’t promise it.”
River swallowed. This was where she usually pretended she didn’t care. “Don’t get in trouble for me,” she said, even though part of her wanted to say the opposite. She knew he was needed at the hospital. It was part of the job.
Ugh. Why had she always been this way? Letting her insecurities get in the way of relationships.
Or maybe it wasn’t just her insecurities? She deserved to be treated with respect. And Saturday wouldn’t have felt like such a big deal if he hadn’t already left her hanging once this week.
A pause. “River?” he asked.
