“No.” He sighed again. “No, I can’t.”
“Then I’m not going anywhere.”
“You need a break. You need to cope.”
“I am coping.”
“Not this way,” Aiden pleaded. “One day. Just take one day. You’re not even on the schedule tomorrow. You need the break.”
Mathew considered arguing further, but for some reason a wave of exhaustion hit him at just that moment. He gripped the edge of his desk so as not to give himself away. Then he gave his friend a curt nod. “Fine.”
He was a glutton for punishment,apparently.
Before him stood his cousin’s house. But not the front door.
Mathew stared up at the stairs leading to the apartment over the garage. He hadn’t been here since the day he’d had that argument with River. He’d done everything in his power not to think about her and the fun day she’d given him just before everything important slipped through his fingers, but it was no use.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun. The joy ride. Buying the chickens. Even seeing the light on her face. Everything about her was electric. One couldn’t help but be drawn in by her charm and happy demeanor.
Fully aware that the longer he stood out here in the dark, staring up at the apartment door, the more inappropriate hisactions would seem, Mathew considered taking off again. He doubted that River would want to see him. In her defense, his cousins had given him a lecture of epic proportions when they’d heard he’d snapped at their mechanic. Even his uncle looked at him a little differently.
But that was probably because he’d lost another member of his family. Fred and George were only related by marriage, but apparently, they’d become as close as two brothers could have over the last several years since Mathew’s aunt had passed.
Mathew shook his head and turned on his heel to head for his car when he heard her voice. His heart stopped right then and there. The muscles in his body lost all feeling. The fact that he was still standing after only the bare minimum of sleep and food was a miracle all on its own, but hearing her voice should have pushed him over the edge.
“Mathew? Is that you?” she repeated.
Slowly, he turned his head to gaze up at her. The door was open at her back, the light’s glow making her appear even more ethereal than she already was. She held onto the railing and stared down at him, but he couldn’t make out her features. Clearing his throat, he rasped, “Yeah, it’s me.”
“What are you doing here?” There was no judgment in her voice. Only curiosity.
“I needed…” His voice cracked and emotion bubbled up in his throat. He’d come to apologize, but at this point, he wasn’t sure he even had the strength for that.
The next few minutes were a haze. He wasn’t exactly sure how he’d managed to get from where he stood to her couch, but when he finally collected himself enough to realize it, that was when his body gave out.
Mathew crumpled. Tears he’d held back since his father had passed came out in a torrent. Until now, he wasn’t someone who cried. His father had taught him that showing any kind ofemotion was a sign of weakness. No son of his would be weak. Mathew wasn’t sure his mother knew about the conversations he’d had with his father over the years and especially in his youth. Fred was a hardened man. He had a firm belief system that no one could break from him.
When his sobs quieted, he became vaguely aware of River’s fingers running through his hair. He kept his eyes shut as his head remained in her lap. Then she whispered the one thing that tore his heart wide open. “You can talk to me. Tell me about him.”
“Loving him wasn’t easy,” Mathew admitted after spilling details about how he’d been raised. “He’d made it perfectly clear what a man’s role in this life was supposed to be. His expectations were nearly unreachable. No matter how hard I worked or how far I came in my career, it wasn’t good enough. We argued constantly.”
When he glanced up at her, he noticed the lines of worry around her eyes and the set of her jaw. But she didn’t interrupt or placate him with her words.
“I know he loved us. Loved my mom, too. He just… showed it in his own way.” Mathew scowled. The reality of what he was confessing hit him hard. He’d become his father. During his marriage to Victoria, he’d been a workaholic much like his father. He hadn’t thought Victoria minded because she had her own life full of charity events and brunches with her sister and mother. It was only when she’d given him the divorce papers that he’d gotten an inkling of just how similar he was to his father.
And the more he thought about it now, the sicker he felt about it. His father wasted the last remaining years he had with his family, and for what? Because he had something to prove? That was a terrible excuse if he’d ever heard one.
River’s soothing touch pulled him back into the present and he focused on her pretty face. He wanted to touch her, to caress her smooth skin. He wanted to lose himself in those eyes and that smile he loved so much.
He continued talking about his father well into the night, and it wasn’t until he heard the familiar clang of pots and pans that he realized he’d fallen asleep. River was an excellent listener. He’d needed to vent about everything he’d despised about his father’s behavior and he didn’t want to unload on his siblings right after they’d lost their father.
It felt good to know that River cared enough to listen.
Mathew sat up on the couch and found River in her small kitchen. Her back was to him while she cooked what smelled like eggs and bacon.
His stomach growled, the déjà vu nothing compared to how starved he felt. Whenwasthe last time he’d had a decent meal? Over a week ago, at least.
She turned in that moment and their gazes met. He didn’t stand, didn’t move an inch for fear this morning would turn out similarly to the last one. He couldn’t bring himself to even breathe in case she took offense and kicked him out.
